Today's Intern: Mizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Jessica (Ok, I went a little overboard. My bad.)
What Did you just say?!!?: Greg is so excited that it's Monday. Duhhhhh. Everyone Dicked Woody Friday at Great America. Greg bailed, Ravey pulled she-nan-i-gannnssss. Woody is a liar but here is Ravey's Story: Friday Ravey said that if it didn't rain, she'd go to Great America. Woody calls her, she says "well, Greg isn't going, and he was my ride buddy." so Ravey doesn't go. When Menace found out that everyone bailed, he bailed. That left Woody. Jen then let him know that she wouldn't go into any haunted houses. So Woody bailed. # of Woody Show members that attended Great America = 0. Sweet. We talked about LOVEFEST. A Ecstasy party with a bunch of freaks. You light up a joint in the city, you get praised. You smoke a cigarette, you get tackled, shot, stabbed, arrested, killed, and then lectured. Tony had a memory sack bean bag chair that was huge. Tony didn't want it so he gave it to Greg. When Greg realized that he had no place for it, he GAVE A LISTENER HIS PHONE NUMBER, to come get it. From then on, they were best buds and lived happily ever after. The end. Woody spent $13278390735802947582094758290437523409 on pictures for his wedding. Everyone but Woody agrees that the photographer sucked because there were no pictures of the show there. News with Greggggg:
> 7th grade teacher asked his class what his students if they knew what "C-H-A-N-G-E" stands for. Thinking it was funny he said it meant "Can you Help A Nigger Get Elected" wow. Funny. Tony then blesses us with his presence by saying "durrr don't you know that there is no "y" in change??" Thanks Tony.
> A church in South New Jersey is using 2 words on their advertisments "We're Sorry". They are sorry for all sorts of things like: being judgemental, boring, pressuring, etc.
> Fanny Mae announced that they are going to forgive this 90 year old lady who shot herself because she was going to get evicted. She lived. Suicide attempt failed. That sucks.
Sports with Ravey:
> Dodgers swept the Cubs
> Angels beat the Red Socks
> Titans beat the Ravens
> Giants rolled the Sea Hawks
Dumbass Contest: "Right Movie Wrong Language"
#1. Tommy in San Jose thought it was The Godfather. No Win
#2. Brandon in Redwood City said Princess Bride. For the Win!!!
Random Stories with Woody:
> Kid rock is now on Rhapsody but still not on Itunes
> Menace belched or something so this part made a screeching hault and they had to play a song.
It effing smells in this whole place right now. Grossssssssssssssssssssssss.
Now we continue
We heard a clip of Anetta the Mood Setta. This woman just got fed up and quit on air. If you're confused this is the "I quit this bitch" lady.
Some huge radio guy named Grease Man, got fired a while back for talking about dragging a black guy behind a truck. When "Jacksonville Jock" found out that he was going to get fired and replaced by Grease Man, he quit on air. This guy may have just become my hero.
We heard the clip of Woody and "The Whipping Boy" aka Tony getting fired from a St. Louis radio station.
Ravey's Music and Entertainment Report:
> A lot of parents wanted their kids out of the house on the weekend. Chiuaua made $29 million this weekend.
> Johnny Depp is going to clear $55 Million to play Captain Jack Sparrow again for the 4th damn time.
> Tina Fey did sign the book deal
> NBC has given "Mama's Boys" a home. A dating show created by our favorite.....Ryan Seacrest.
Final Word: Nole Galager is continuing to recover "I'm on a lot of pain killers. Problem is, pain killers are only fun when you don't need them for pain."
Final Word: Nole Galager is continuing to recover "I'm on a lot of pain killers. Problem is, pain killers are only fun when you don't need them for pain."
Fun Health and Body Facts:1) What did people use to wipe their butts before TP? Corn Cobs and Muscle Shells
2) Is it possible for a spider to live in your ear? Yes they can
<--3) Do bugs live in our eyelashes? Yes
4) Why do certain people attract mosquito's? Smell, Taste, and Looks. They like Blondes. I'm Effed.
5) How do astronauts poo in space? In a bag and vacuum cleaners
6) Why do people have eyebrows? They keep sweat out of our eyes.
7) Is it safe to drink your own pee? It won't harm you but you shouldn't do it.
8) Is eating boogers bad for you? One doc says - "No, you can strengthen your immune system." Others say that our hands are covered in bacteria and not to do it. Gross.
**Just a side note, I HATED this segment. I loved my long eyelashes until about 2 seconds ago. Now I just want to tear them out.**
News Round 2 With Mr. Greg Gory *Applause*
> OJ Simpson is spending some sweet time in jail. He got charged with a dozen charges. What a 
moron. He faces at least 5 years but they could get LIFE. He got Juiced Blood.
moron. He faces at least 5 years but they could get LIFE. He got Juiced Blood.> Murder in Texas. Neighbors said Sheppard was using his bbq for 2 days straight. Sheppard killed his girlfriend, cut her up, and was burning her (cooking her) on his bbq for 2 days. The neighbors claim that it smelled like burning hair and tires.
> Woody is creeped out by eatin Lamb. Pussssssss. We all want to know what human tastes like....well except Ravey. http://www.damninteresting.com/?p=168 <-- Human flavored Tofu called "HUFU"
Happy Happy Story Time!! Just for Ravey!!!!:
A worker in a Jersey funeral home, was just doing his job, and he got crushed by the elevator that they use for coffins!! Yaaayyyy!!!
Who Friggin Cares:
Another Hogan with legal problems. Linda Hogan (The Mother) got a speeding ticket. Boo friggin Hoo. She was going 71 in a 55.
Big News- Menace watches Tyra EVERYDAY. Now everyone...Point and Laugh! Hahahahahahaha.
*We played a game -- "Who said it?"
Crap on Celebs:
> Nicole Richey can now legally drive again.
> Brittney Spears has a sex tape....maybe.....possibly.....who freaking knows or cares.
> Natalie Portman and her boyfriend broke up.
> Jenny Macarthy put a stripper pole in the bedroom of her 6 year old, autistic son.
> Scary Spice is planning on renewing her vows with her husband after a year.
> One hell of a Mac Dre Talk. Whatever.
*Paul called in and brought up a good point - Menace never got shocked in his man belly. Ravey broke the damn stun gun*
What We Learned: *missed a couple.*
Ravey:
Menace: Its weird that Woody wants to eat human.
Greg:
Tony:
Woody: Greg is banging his neighbor lady...Hard.
Katie: Woody is a huge Food Pus.
Tony's Just a Headline: "Handcuffed Man Hit by 2 Trains, Cause of Death Uncertain"
3 comments:
Katie, will you be my friend when neither of us have eyebrows or eyelashes because we were BEYOND grossed out this morning? We'll look like a couple of white Whoopis.
The Great America fiasco was pretty funny, glad you wrote it down cause I missed the first 20 minutes this morn.
And, "since when is there a sword fight in The Godfather?" haha.
Sad that the woman tried to kill herself? ...or that she didn't succeed? Fuck. Do you think she would have done that sooner if she knew that she could have had all her sins, oh i mean debt, absolved?
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