Have a Happy Turkey Day!

Today is the last day! I must admit I am rather excited!! Hella turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberries, pie, ohhhh myyy goddddd. Yum Yum Yum

Today's Intern: Mike

What Shall We Discuss?: Goooood Mornun!! Greg is super upset about the fact we don't have to be back until Monday. In a span of 10 days a guy found out that he won 2 cars in 2 different contests and a pair of tickets to see The Chiefs. Woody got in the grossest cab. The cab driver had patches of hair (which we all agreed if you have patches of hair, just shave it.) and he was dirty and had really bad B.O. I hate cabs, I don't think I have ever been in a not gross cab. Some people didn't even have to work this week. Why we even come in for 2 days...I don't know. Last Thursday a guy was waiting to be transfered to jail, he was being guarded by 3 guards when he took off. He ran quite a distance, hopped 2 garden fences, and got away. Thing is. The inmate had 1 leg. This guy kicks ass.

News with Greg:

> New Orleans has the highest crime rate in the US. Oakland is on there! BIG SHOCKER.

> There is a pole dancing studio in Salt Lake City that is moving to have pole dancing become an olympic sport. I guess it's gymnastic like.

> There is a doctor who is working on "queing psychology" which is a study to help you cut the issue with standing in line. You have to realize ocupied time seems shorter than unocupied time. Anxiety makes the wait seem longer. Unfair waits are longer than fair ones. The more valuable the service that you are waiting for the longer you'll wait.

Sports With Ravey:

> Packers got beat by the Saints

> A federal judge dismissed 5 of the charges against Barry Bonds

> Michael Vick is in Virginia today. He is expected to plea guilty to state charges.

> Future: NFL games in 3D. > Sharks play tomorrow against Chicago.

> Pirates have signed the first 2 players to ever be signed to baseball from India. They are from a reality TV show - The Million Dollar Arm.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> New Scott Weiland, Linkin Park, Paramore, and the White Zombie Box Set.

> Hancock is out on DVD today

> Meet Dave and Space Chimps were huge flops
> A ruling communist newspaper in China bashed the new Guns N' Roses CD

> Twilights success basically guarenteed a sequel

> Steven Segal will be featured in a Reality Show on A&E -"Law Man"

> The Shield will be finishing its 5 year series

Final Word: Comes from Prince, who claims he was misquoted: "So heres how it is, you have the Republicans and they want to live according to this (pointing to the Bible) but on the opposite end you have the Democrats who think you can do whatever you want."

Thanksgiving Fun Facts

> 82% of Americans say they will eat Turkey

> 30% of Americans will actually cook a Turkey

> Overall there will be 9 guests around the average Americans table.

Pointless Listener Poll: What is the worst part of Holiday family time?

Ravey: It makes her sad, the old age, the smallness of it, and the wondering if it is going to be the last time.

Menace: The constant complaining (this is from other families because Menace doesn't visit his family.)
Greg: The pressure to make it perfect.

Tony: His immediate family doesn't annoy him but the extended family competes and has separate dinners.

Woody: The 3000 mile trip to just get there.

Katie: My aunt is a slut and she hits on anyone whether it be a friend or a boyfriend at the time that I have there.

Dumbass Contest: Turkey Day True or False

#1. Johnathon in Tracy - 0 for 2 No win!!

#2. Eddie in SF - 0 for 2 No Win!!

#3. Joe in Livermore - 2 outta 3!! Winner!!!

News with Greg-ELS:

> Former employees of Mervyns are expected to be fired without back vacation pay but the executives will be payed for vacation WITH bonuses

> David Lista is a former teacher, he got arrested and has to register as a sex offender for putting a camera in the ceiling in the girls bathroom and a camera that points up by his desk so he could see up the girls skirts. When they went to his house they found traces of meth and child porn.

Guess The State: Police say they had no trouble tracking down a robbery suspect, because the victims had taken his picture while chatting with him at a bar a short time before the theft. The suspect, Andre Smith, struck up a conversation with a group of women at a bachelorette party at the Bensalem Township taproom early Sunday morning. The women were taking photos of each other when Smith jumped in front of the camera. Smith later was ejected from the bar for allegedly harassing customers. When two women in the group left the bar to go to a nearby convenience store, Smith robbed them of their purses

#1. Mike in San Lorenzo - Florida. No win.

#2. Chris in San Jose - Pennsylvania!! Winner!!

Highest Paying Dirty Jobs

8. Coroner $52,000

7. Oil Drill Worker $55,000

6. Garbage Man $67,000

5. Vet $73,000

4. Nurse $81,000

3. Pediatrist $118,000

2. Gastro Anterologist $239,000

1. Trauma Surgen $273,000

Porno Birthday: Brit Morgan has appeared in 185, "Flint Bones" and "Porn-o-chio" She is 45

What We Learned:

Ravey : Menace would rather sit and eat a bucket of Pop Eyes rather than travel 30 minutes to see his family.

Menace: Pat Ravey loves Metallica.

Greg: Passed. Free Food means Commercials

Tony: ... No comment

Woody: You're going to find the freshest milk and a long line of people waiting to drink it from the tap.

Katie: Prince gives an awesome show, which means he is the complete polar opposite of Tony.

Tony's Just A Headline: " woody didnt care"

Gobble Gobble Mother Effers.

Stool.

I'm excited to be back. I'm wearing a Got Wood? t shirt. My jeans didn't dry all the way, and I'm kind of a mess, but who cares...you guys can't see me anyways! :-)


Today's Intern: Jessica


Humpty Dumpty: Goooooooood Morning! Greg is hella bumbed that it's Thursday...well kinda, it's Thursday for us!! Justin.tv is starting to rule! Woody tells everyone that the Jets game was on JTV this weekend. Ravey is pissed that he said anything. "Way to ruin a good thing you ass." Menace was pissed because 24 Redemption was on last night, and he missed all his cartoons....no comment on this part. Menace has more estrogen than Ravey. The Nebraska abandonment law finally got fixed, the loop-hole has been closed. There were teenagers up to age 18 getting dropped off, now the age limit is infants up to 30 days old. The last teen to be abandoned was a 14 year old boy from, that's right, California. Beth went on a lesbian party trip and left Tony with Dean. Tony was in the kitchen and Dean put his head in the dog's water bowl and Dean also figured out how to open the glass door, light a cigarette, and get a whore.


Stupid Human Story:
> Dublin, Georgia: Rico, shot some guy twice, and it felt so good that he wrote a rap song about it, calling the victim by name. Chad Blue (who got shot) had a friend who was listening to a CD and heard this Rico the rapper say "Chad Blue knows how I shoot." He recognized the voice and the name and called police.



News with Mr. Gory:
> The average price to a gallon of gas has fallen to under $2 for the first time since 2005. Barak must have snuck into the gas button room. In the past month gas has dropped 81 cents and $2 since June.
> Friday in Concord, a teenager was shot. He saw someone getting assulted and tried to help stop it and help the person out. The suspect was a 16 year old black boy wearing jeans, a t shirt, and earings.... wow. Great description.
> Not a good idea to have nudie pix on your cell phone. This guy accidentally left his phone in a McDonald's, thing is, he had naked pictures on his phone of his wife. Those pictures, that's right, ended up on the Internet. This family is now filing a lawsuit and is moving out of the state due to embarrassment. The deal with the phone is, the guy called McDonalds and an employee said that they would hold the phone until he returned.


Woody was pooping at the airport and lost his phone. Some guy returned it. Woody also had to go pee at Best Buy and there is some guy pooping in the bathroom with his 5 year old daughter in the bathroom. He had a huge buttsplosion and you hear the little girl go "ewww daddy..."


Sports with Ravels:
> The 49ers couldn't stop the Cowboys
> Raiders finally remembered how to play football. They beat the Broncos 31-10
> Titans got beat down by the Jets
> Sharks beat the crap out of the Capitals on Saturday 7-2
> Sharks play Wednesday

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Twilight is the biggest opening ever for a female director.

> The new 007 made $24.7 million

> Cold Play shut out last night at the Great American Music Awards

> Chris Brown won Artist of the Year

> Kanye didn't pitch a fit for the first time last night.

> Travis Barker has filed a lawsuit against the manufacturer of the jet that crashed killing 4 people and leaving Parker and DJ AM with severe burns

> Guns N Roses has broken the record for the most online downloads - 25 listens per second.

> The Dr. Pepper thing was shenanigans. The server apparently wasn't strong enough to hold all the chaos.

Final Word: Rosie O'Donnell is bringing back a live variety show back to TV, "Now is the right time for the genre to make a come back"

Parent of the Year 2008 Award:

Warning: Some of these are SUPER disturbing, we're not trying to be funny.

Nominee #1. A guy in Florida left his 2 kids home alone while he went to go do got knows what. He left his kid a hunting knife, a baseball bat, and an ax. The neighbors found out and called the cops and he is under arrest for child neglect.

Nominee #2. 43 year old Tammy Smith from W. Virginia, was arrested after she burned the word "wimp" into her 6 year old daughters neck with a cigarette. The cause, the kid fell and was crying. Tammy has been charged with 5 counts of child abuse.

Nominee #3. A lady was trying to kill her husband by setting their apartment on fire, she then didn't kill her husband but killed her 2 kids.

Nominee #4. A man hit 3 cars with his van and left his kids in the car and fled the scene.

Nominee #5. A woman lost custody of her 4 kids after leaving 2 home alone while she went to Kentucky and then told 1 of them to hide in the car while she worked her shift at a hospital.

Nominee #6. Vasquez had kept two of her adopted children locked up in cages, plastic buckets were placed in their rooms for urination and defecation, they were underfed, malnourished, and “underloved.” Vasquez had burned one of her adopted daughters with a match, inflicted bruises by pinching her, and made her sleep on the floor “with rats” where the girl sustained flea bites. Even the one adopted girl who was Vasquez’s favorite was abused, in this case, the girl was given injections of a drug designed to delay puberty and was the focus of 71 nude and semi-nude photographs that Dudley characterized as “child pornography.”

Nominee #7. This 5 year old was murdered. The parents who killed her then tried to pass off another girl to be the daughter so they could show that the child was still in the family. The brother of the little girl testified saying that the little girl was basically beaten, and beaten, and beaten, and shot with a air soft gun just for fun, they would stomp on her, and she basically stopped showing emotion and crying. This is the worst story and it made me sick.

Dumbass Contest: Impossible Trivia

The Average American eats 13.7 lbs of this a year.

#1. Mario - Potatoes No Win

#2. Mitch - Pizza No Win
#3. Meru - Turkey Winner

This started some huge turkey talk. I want turkey, and mashed taters, and stuffing, and cranberry sauce, and pie. Yummmmmmmmmmmmm.

We talked about the youtube event. Menace got to pee next to the chocolate rain guy. Katy Perry got jumped on and talked to Menace about it. Apparently they watched people use WiFi on a plane and this was exciting to Menace but Greg kinda lost it due to Menace's never ending talking.

News Round 2:

> Janet Jacksons boobie situation from like 100000 years ago still isn't over it. The world is over it but I guess the FCC isnt.

> In Pennsylvania, a school bus driver is being charged with endangerment. The driver was getting frustrated with a 10 year old because the kid wouldn't sit down. The driver warned him "if you don't sit down you'll get knocked down." To teach him a lesson the bus driver braked so hard that the kid went flying out of his seat.

> A security guard shot and killed an unidentified man who was swinging around a couple of samurai swords.

Douchebag of the Day:

From Kent, Washington: 40 year old Phillip Quinn was tinkering with a lava lamp at his house. His family and his parents became worried when they couldn't get a hold of him. They decided to go see him. They were shocked when they found his body slumped over with glass from the living room to the kitchen. Turns out the bubbles weren't bubbling fast enough for him so he decided to put the lava lamp on the stove. It then exploded and a piece of glass punctured his heart and he died.

Crap on Celebs:

>There was a cover of Hollywoods best off couples.

#1. Beyonce and Jay-Z

#2. Will Smith and Jadea

#3. David and Victoria Beckham

> Linda Hogan has been recieving $46,000 a month in alamony

> Toby McGuire is expecting another baby.

Crappy Birthday:

> Tom Hanks Son - 31

> Dwight Shultz - 61

Porno Birthday: Sally laid who has appeared in 166 films including; "Take this Wad and
Shove It" and "Heavenly Hooters" is 47.

Guess The State: A man who went to buy cigarettes in a gorilla suit was stopped. It turns out he had a warrant for receiving stolen property. So instead of laying low he decided to go out in a gorilla suit.

#1. Sarah the intern - Menace and I Duked it out over this

#2. Warren - Florida No Win!

#3. April in SF - For the Win!!! Pennsylvania.

What We Learned:

Ravey: Dr. Pepper are lying bastards who make a great soda.

Menace: Greg Gory f-f-f-f-finds w-w-wifi broadcasting on a plane, on a plane 35...350...35000 ft. in the air...flying......we stopped him here.

Greg: Linda Balea is the ultimate gold digging bitch

Tony: I'd give a whole months celery for a giant turkey.

Woody: Its a bad idea to call your next rap song "I killed this lady named Ravey and this is how I did it."

Katie: The definition of tough love is leaving your child with Tony.

Tony's Just a Headline: " Police Question Baguette in Child Abuse Case"

Holy Crap-ola

It's Friday! I am actually excited about this one, I have no special plans this weekend, it just means I get to sleep in tomorrow. That excites me. Boring huh? Hm....No idea what to type here right now. Oh! Got it. Got a message yesterday from an old friend, AnD It WaZ tYpEd LyKe DiS.....Really???

Today's Intern: Andrea

Crap loads of talking: (Following the "Crap" trend? Good.) Goooooooood Mornun!!! Greg was really upset this morning about it being Friday. We can't believe that it's the Holidays already. Tony doesn't seem to care about the Holidays, even though it is Dean's first Christmas. Tony = Lame Daddy. Menace might actually decorate his house this year. The point of Thanksgiving is to eat like you're going to the chair. Tony's gross. He eats pie filling out of the can. A grandma put $16 into a wheel of fortune slot machine and came out with $2.4 million. Median house prices in the bay area are down 41%.

News With Greg:

> It was reported late last night that California law decided to TRIPLE auto registration costs. "We have the most highest registration" - Menace

> Derrick Mulsky is a man who is in a wheel chair due to a car accident. He was recently banned from filing lawsuits against anyone by the US Supreme Court. He has filed 400 lawsuits.

> In New Jersey a man filed a lawsuit against EHarmony.com because they didn't offer a service for homosexuals. That was 3 years ago but now EHarmony is making a separate site for people to find partners.

Sports with Ravey:

> Steelers beat the Bangles

> 49ers going to Dallas on Sunday

> Oakland takes on Denver Sunday

> Warriors play Chicago tonight

> Sharks return to action on Saturday at the Tank

> GM of the Browns got into some trouble for using words that hurt and harm. A fan emails Savage all the time to tell him how much he sucks and finally Savage snapped and emailed him back some "mean stuff"

Ravey's Music and Entertainment Report:

> Teen girls are going to be in line to see Twilight this weekend.

> Bolt comes out this weekend

> Sunday "Chinese Democracy" comes out

> Go to Drpepper.com for your free soda

> Coldplay is going to change their release date from Tuesday to Monday

> An EP with the collaboration of Chris Cornell with Linkin Park from Projekt Revolution will be released on Thanksgiving.

> Smashing Pumpkins are sucking it hard.

> Pushing Daisies got cancelled. Poor Ravey.

> There is a movie called 24 Redemption to make up the gap between seasons 6 and 7

Final Word: Barbra Walters who didn't take recent servings from Rosie O Donnel and Star Jones Lightly, " We're not perfect and we're not always happy, but we're good."

Crunkin and Drunkin Stories:

4 Reasons To Drink this Weekend:

4. Alcohol makes fruit better for you. Makes the antioxidants more potent

3. Lowers your cholesterol

2. Wine can protect your liver

1. Wine is good for your heart
> I wouldn't be crunkin and drunking in San Jose if I was you.

> In Berkeley a man was arrested for stabbing 2 people for trying to intervine while he was yelling at the clerk of the liquer store. The clerk wasn't going to sell him alcohol because he was visibly drunk

> A guy who had his licence suspended 15 times; got drunk, realized he had a flat tire, threw the car in reverse, backed it up through an intersection past a cop, got pulled over, and got out while having his pants completely down.

Sad/Effed up Story: 5 years ago Robin and his 8 year old daughter were killed when their car was hit by a crunk driver. Robin's baby mama suied for wrongful death and used the $$ to buy a Hummer. So a couple years later, she went to a club for her birthday. After having some drinks, she got into her car, and hit a car killing 2 people. A 22 year old and a 23 year old.

The Origin of Crunk: Dave doesn't understand so we will clarify. It is a combination of Crazy and Drunk. It means getting Crazy Party hard Drunk or getting High and Drunk at the same time. It was NOT invented by Lil John. It actually came from Dr. Suess back in 1971.

Dumbass Contest: Are they Older than Ravey?

#1. Jason in Richmond - 2 outta 3!! Winner!

#2. Mark in Mountain View - 2 for 2!! Winner!

Words that Gross Us Out:

Ravey: Snot and Schmegma

Menace: Leakage

Greg: Abortion and Testicle

Tony: Spore

Woody: Stool

Katie: Fester and Yeast

We found out that Greg has to....you know.....caca. We then had a crap (there it is again) load of fun with the Diarrhea song!! This almost made me pee my pants.

News Round 2:

> A woman is divorcing her husband because she found pictures of him pleasuring himself in his Iphone outbox.

> Fatties in Canada now get 2 seats on the plane for the price of 1.

> A college student in Minneapolis allegedly went on an obscenity-laced rampage at a local TV station after being fired as an intern. The 21 year old is accused of destroying company property, chasing after an executive producer at KSTP-TV. He made threats and shouted "You don't know where I'm from. I'll mess you up!"

> Last Saturday, a 68 year old man in Louisiana was moving his lawn when he felt something hit his chest. He didn't think much about it but when he took off his sweater, he noticed the cell phone that had been clipped to his shirt had been shattered. Then a 45 caliber bullet fell out of the cell phone case. The man lives near the woods and the theory is that he was hit with a stray bullet that was shot a few miles away. The cell phone saved his life.

Movies and Crap (again!) with Jan Wahl

> Milk is a must see on the big screen. She gave it 4 hats

> Australia is also a great movie of choice. I got busy and didn't hear the rest of this segment.

Crap on Celebrities:

> Madona is worth $350 Million

> 18 year old Cody Linely (Dancing with the Stars) is in trouble. He became a "heavy drinking, butt grabbing, Monster."

> Kevin Jonas from the Jonas brothers turned 21 last week and what did he get? a $221,000 lamborghini.

Porno Birthday:

Victoria Paris has been in 184 fine films "Who Reemed Rosie Rabbit" and "Miracle on 69th Street" She is 48.

Friday Song Challenge: Songs from the year you turned 21.

Ravey: 1990 Shock G - Humpty Dance 31.6%

Menace: 2000 Eminem and Dr. Dre - Forgot About Dre 29.3%

Greg: 1992 Genesis - I Can't Dance 9.7%

Tony: 1998 Marilyn Manson - Rock is Dead 9.4%

Woody: 1997 White Town - Your Woman 19.9%

And you're going to like it a lot.....

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Hells Yes Bluhhhhd.

I went to class yesterday, and my professor had the class playing guitar hero on the Wii. It was interesting. I'm thinking today should be a good day! I'm stoked that I got to bed at 9:00. It ruled.

Today's Intern: Jessica

What it Do?: Gooooooooood Mornin! No one understands what happened yesterday and we're all wondering how something didn't get broken. Ravey is such a sex fiend butt slut and she is interested in dating an inmate. check it out. http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/. This topic came up because of our story yesterday about the sex addict defendant who was actually really hot! There was some more chatter but all too random for me to follow. Amy Winehouse is so ugly that she makes us mad (except Ravey who is keeping the peace) and she makes us want to punch her in the face.

Would You Rather: Have sex with Amy Winehouse or Half Ton Mom? and no killing yourself isn't an option.

To vote check out http://www.davetheshowkiller.com/
Amy Winehouse: 60%
Half Ton Mom: 40%
Everyone in the room except Woody says Amy Winehouse.

What the Hell...America Has Gotten So Fat:

> I find it facinating that Greg and Woody think they are fat, I don't get it.

> TIVO announced Monday that they are partnering up with Dominos. Use your TV remote and click the Domino's button that says "I Want It." and you can order your pizza from your couch.

> A fat guy was so determined to join the Marines that he lost 140lbs in a year!

> A fast food fan Natalie Jackson was hit with a $264 fine at KFC for staying too long gorging on a monster sized family bucket. The lady and her pal ordered 14 chicken pieces, 6 bags of fries, and large cokes after driving to their local store. They spent an hour and a half eating the 5,456 calorie feast. A few days later she got the fine in the mail for breaking the restaurant parking lot's 75 minute limit. Natalie Jackson eats there 3 times a week and said she never noticed the limit. "It didnt feel like I was in there that long. We were hungry."

News With Greg:

> Authorities said that a group of college students made a bonfire which caused the spreading wild fires in Southern California.

> 21 year old guy named Chad Toy was serving a 4 year sentance in jail in Kentucky. He escaped on Monday while cleaning out the lobby. He left for a while then turned himself back in.

> 3 Men and 3 women got busted for breaking out of their cells to have sex with eachother. All they had to do was peel back the metal ceiling pieces.

> A 61 year old man developed a flesh eating virus while in jail. They didn't take him to the doctor and told him to suck it up. It eventually got so bad that they had to remove skin from his pelvis and man junk. He is now recieving $300,000 in settlement.

> A blind 74 year old woman was being threatened with losing her house because she was short on her bill. Which was for a penny, which if you think about it after she sends it in it will be 43 cents.

Sports With Miss Ravey:

> Warriors beat the Trailblazers

> Sharks are off until Saturday

> A's - Don Wakamatsu is now the manager of the Seattle Mariners

> Pacman Jones finished his alcohol treatment program

> Lance Armstrong gave an interview about his tour to France. He claimed he's "afraid of the French"

Ravey made Menace move because he smelled too strong, it's always somethin. Ravey is going to be a super sniffer. No one seemed to notice his smell except Ravey, but she probably has a really sensative sense of smell

Douche Bag of the Day:

Michigan police said that a robber tried to rob a 36 year old man of $30. The victim then tackled the robber and demanded his money back, the robber then added on $80 bucks on because he was so scared.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Cold Play has released the "Lost" music video and "Lost Plus" with Jay Z will be released as well

> The Vines have cancelled all of their upcoming shows due to Craig Nichols deteriating mental condition.

> Seth Rogan loves porn as much as Tony.

> There is a new show being developed by NBC called "Making Friends with Black People"

> Obama's recent interview on 60 minutes scored the highest of the season. Highest rated 60 minutes in the past 10 years.

> Pushing Daisies is hanging by a thread. Everyone watch it tonight so it won't get cancelled. Do it for Queenie.

> 12 season finale of South Park

Final Words: Tim Robbins is still pissed about being turned away from the polls, "They sent a copy of his voter registration, licence number, and address to the media. Vindictive, corrupt scumbag."

Dumbass Contest: Press Your Luck

#1. Chris in Newark: Pressed his luck and lost it all.

#2. Josue in Livermore: No Win.

#3. Rachyl - Livermore: No Win.

#4. Kelly in Redwood City: No Win.

#5. Andy in San Jose: Won Survivor, Pressed his Luck and won Will and Grace, Pressed his luck and won MXC, and Pressed his Luck and won the ALL OR NOTHING! Winner of all our prizes!!

Pointless Poll: If Given the Opprotunity Would You Go Into Space?

Yes: 85%

No: 15%

Crazy Ass Ex's:

> Tracy got into an arguement with her boyfriend Alan. She douced her boyfriend and his dog in gasoline and lit them on fire. Alan was such a dog lover and put his dog out first then he was rushed to the hospital.

Ravey:

Menace: Had an ex who faked a pregnancy.

Greg: Girlfriend was the daughter of a rich family, at age 17 the parents wanted to talk to Greg about marriage.

Tony: The chick who bought Tony flowers and Tony talked to some girl in passing and the girl beat him with the flowers.

Woody: Pick an ex Woody has had, and pick a story.... for example: An ex faked Cervical Cancer

Katie: My ex followed me and my male co-worker to Quizno's on our lunch break and then followed me back to Trader Joe's so he could yell at me in the parking lot for going to lunch with someone else.

News Round 2:

> Survey of 12,000 doctors says that the primary care doctors are feeling overworked and are thinking about giving up medicine all together.

Got Game with the Most Mastery of Masters:

> The New Mortal Combat is apparently SICK. Masters isn't a big fan of the "3-2-1 FIGHT" games. Catwoman as massive chesticles in this game. This game is out this week. 3 Blow up girlfriends

> Gears of War 2 rules. This game is on a whole other level. Masters gave this game 4 and a half Blow up girlfriends.

> This kid and his friends were exploring the "Rath of the Litchking" when this kid went into an epileptic seizure due to lack of sleep and nutrition.

> Today is the day for the new XBOX dashboard.

What We Learned:

Ravey: Catwoman has an awesome Rack.

Tony: Woody would give a nut to go to space but greg would give 2 to stay.

Greg: The only thing cooler than a seeing eye dog is a smelling nose Ravey.

Menace: There is a KFC out there with a buffet and he needs to find it.

Woody: Raveys super nose can smell Menace's cologne but not his massive case of vaginosis.

Katie: Ravey needs tampoons, not for lady reasons, but for her nose.

Tony's Just a Headline: "Bus Accident Puts Chess Champ in Check"

It Is What It Is

I stayed up WAYYYYYYYYYYYY late last night, I woke up an hour and a half ago and I already can't wait to go back to bed. Woot. I need some coffee and a tastey treat. Oh yeah, I brought 'Nanner Puddin.

Today's Intern: Sarah who is an "O.G."

What You Say?!: Gooooooooooooooood Morning. Andrew from the 408 got our NSSN passes yesterday for $600!!! Thanks Andrew! Eric Hahn from Nebraska broke the record for the tallest mohawk which is 27 inches tall. From the Netherlands - the record for most dominos to be knocked down at 1 time - 4,345,270 dominos! Greg knows someone who works with the advertising company who did Menace's Park Merced, and Greg got a "queen" size one for the office. Dave has totally killed Woody's passion and love and has turned him into a salty person at the moment. Dave thinks the sports is too sports-y and we don't play enough music and when we do play music it isn't the right music. This turned into a huge rant, people love the show and want it to stay the way it is. We got a bunch of calls from people who wan't the show to be left alone. We kick ass as of right now.....Why change it?

News With Greg:

> The fires in Southern California continue. It went from 35 square miles to 64 square miles. Christopher Lloyd lost his $11 million home.

> The automakers aren't doing so well. There is some huge talk about whether or not they will recieve help from the bail.

> Last August some woman from Milwaukee called 911 claiming that her boyfriend was attacking her and was hurting her. While on the phone with the 911 guy she was yelling at her boyfriend and crying and the 911 guy said "call me back when you are going to talk to me." and hung up on her.

Pointless Poll: When you think of Christopher Lloyd, What movie do you think of?

Taxi: 35.9%

Back to the Future: 64.1%

We Got Our Billboard!!!! Whoever spray painted over the "Freakin Try It" We don't encourage that type of stuff....but ohh hells yes!

Dumbass Contest: Who Said it?!

#1. Mitch in SF - 1 outta 3 No Win!

#2. Trevor in Redwood City - 0 for 2 No Win!

#3. Edgar in Union City - 0 for 2 No Win!

#4. Lance in Oakland - 0 for 2 No Win!

#5. Justin in San Jose - 0 for 2 No Win!

#6. Anthony in SF - 0 for 2 No Win!

#7. Adrian in Foster City - 0 for 2 No Win!

....There is no prize givin today......damn....

NEW SHOW WEBSITE: www.davetheshowkiller.com

Scott Weiland Calls in and he's a little bit "messy":

> oh wait nevermind, he was late, threw off the whole show. We're not going to talk to him now, because he sucks and can't be on time.

Ravey's Mucis and Entertainment Report:

> Wall-e is out today

> Hannah Montana is out today

> Lipstick Jungle has not been cancelled according to Brooke Shields - I was talking to Greg about the Scott Weiland thing, sorry about missing the rest. :-(

Woody Stopped The Show. It was a Train Wreck. See ya Tomorrow

oh wait....we're back.

News Round 2 With Greg:

> Tree Sitters are facing jail time. Good.

> Walter Andre Sharp Jr. his identity got switched with a guy who had to pay child support, was thrown in jail for not being able to make the payments, the wife thought that the 5th kid (which was his only child and it wasnt hers) and she cut off the visitation rights from his real kids, and gets no compensation.

Sports with Ravey:

> Sharks beat the Predators last night

> Warriors play Portland tonight

> Mark Cuban is in trouble for insider trading.

> 16 year old pitcher will be the first girl ever to play pro baseball.

Parents in the News:

> A mother turned in her teen daughter and her son for a gas station armed robbery.

> An 11 year old hit his mother in the head with a saw and then offered his mom $5 not to call the cops.

> Tony Duncon chained himself to his electric meter because he hadn't payed it. The electric company said that if he didn't pay it they would shut it off. His daughter relys on a feeding tube and machinery. An annonymus doner payed the bulk of his bill to save his kid and he got a bunch of job offers.

What We Learned:

Ravey: She was wrong when she said there were no songs worse than Danzig Mother

Menace: Nothing

Greg: Scott Weiland's staff is a bunch of drunk Carnies

Tony: Ravey hates ehh....nevermind.

Woody: Nothing....weird.

Katie: No $$ for billboards but we do have a bunch of crazies with spray paint.

Tony's Just a Headline: "ATM Victim has Withdrawl Symptoms"

Holy Ish.

I woke up late, drove 1 million miles an hour. I'm here on time 5:59 AM. Phew

Today's Intern: Jessica

Talk Talk Talk: Goooood Mornnning!!! Welcome back Greg! Greg likes the show, we're funny. He listened in the 9'o clock hour and we're really good. He was all drugged up, but oh well. Greg thinks his habbit might be his OCD and he hates missing work, not because he won't be there, but because he knows someone will use his desk and stuff will be messed up. Menace came clean, if Greg lost a finger, Menace would have to stare at it. There is a show called "Half Ton Mum" This woman is 900lbs, and she has kids, which means someone would have to F her. Gross. To get this lady out of the house, they had to build a ramp to get her into the ambulance and it took 7 people on each side to carry her. She died of a heartattack 12 days after her surgery. Here is her myspace - http://profile.myspace.com/ladyrenee6 Story for Ravey: After 9-11 the govt. hired secret "agents" to fly on planes called "air marshals" that keep watch over the flight. According to a study, 3 dozen air marshals have been charged with crimes since 9-11. Charge Examples: Dui, Domestic Violence, Bank Fraud and Accepting Bribes, Solicitation of Prostitution, Drug and Weapon Smuggling (including explosives from Afghanistan), Attempted Murder, and Sexual Abuse of a Child. One air marshal accidentially left his gun in the airplane bathroom and a child found it. Last week a travel website posted a survey where they asked passangers if they would $10 for a service. For example would you pay $10 to: get through security in 10 minutes, guarenteed space in overhead compartment, priority unloading "exit the plane first", priority re-booking in case your flight was cancelled, in flight internet access, and to be seated away from parents with children. Would you pay $10 less if you: couldn't check bags, middle seat, no recliner, last to get on the plane, or had to be seated next to parents with young kids and babies.

Woody loves the new SNL bit: "Really...?" A couple questions: would you want to smoke a battery powered cigarrette? Really...? and should Sam Robberts from the Opi and Anthony show get kudos for the fact that Tina Fey said his "catch phrase" (Which belongs to him) which is "What's the Happs?" ....Really....?

Email From the People:

> Email from George: Had the same situation as Greg, except had it twice. Feels for Greg.

News With Greg, Who has become really good at flipping people off all of a sudden:

> Residents of SC were urged to leave their homes because of the fires. 35 square miles have been scortched so far. More than 8,400 people have been evacuated.

> Barak Obama is pretty much addicted to his Blackberry but they are claiming that he will have to give it up when he becomes President because emails and messages may be hacked.

> A 35 year old woman from SF was in a car accident and she lost her eye so the doctors are going to try to put a webcam in her fake eye.

> PETA was petitioning that people raise the insurance premium on meat eaters and decrease the premium on vegetarians.

> We talked about how Woody wants to starve a puppy just to get hits on our webcam, then we talked about starving Menace.

Sports with Ravey who loves flying:

> Raiders lost to the Dolphins 17 - 15

> Jim Fossel is pitching Al Davis for the next Raiders Coach

> 49ers won

> 12,837 games in NFL but for the first time ever a game was won 11-10

> For the first time since 2002 a game has ended in a tie Eagles and Bengals tied at 13.

> Titans beat the Jaguires

> Packers crushed the Bears

> Sharks beat the Blackhawks 6-5

> Warriors beat the Clippers on Saturday

> This day in History - Jets and Raiders game got cut 1 minute short in 1968 when it was a really close game so that the movie Heidi and there were 2 touchdowns scored in that minute.

Music and Entertainment Report with Ravels:

> The James Bond movie took in $74 million.

> Madagascar 2 and Role Models did great this weekend

> Ben Stiller is officially a sequel guy.

> Scott Wylan wants to be dropped from his label but they won't let him.

> November sweeps continue on TV

Final Word: Wanda Sykes who came out of the closet this weekend "I don't talk about my sexual orientation, I don't feel like I have to, I wasn't living in the closet I was just living my life."

Sexy Stories with The Woody Show:

> A 26 year old guy went to his mom and asked her why women don't like him. She gave him the advice that he just hadn't found the right woman. So instead of taking her advice and waiting to find a woman, he forced himself on her mother twice.

> Authorities in Sweden uncovered over 30 zoo files, which is a group that has sex with animals. You would think that they would just lock all these perverts up, they can't because, its NOT illegal to have sex with animals in Sweden.

> Guys need to stop putting their junk where it doesn't belong. Last Friday a 73 year old guy from New York was using a steal pipe as an errotic aid. He got his junk stuck in the pipe and he called for help. It took a firefighter 90 minutes to slowly chip away at the pipe.

> In Canada"Sex Toy Shop Luded" These two guys stole $2,000 dollars in kinky junk. "They took all the Rabbits but they left the Seahorse, probably because they had enough butt plugs. The Seahorse comes with a butt plug," she explained. "They didn't even touch the German stuff. I don't get it."

> Old Virgin in the News!! There is an 105 year old woman in England named Clara Meadmore who has never had sex. That is more than 38,000 sex free days.

> There is a company that employed 6 women. A group of patients "told on" these women for apparently making them masturbate.

Dumbass Contest: Make a Wish, Fake a Wish

#1. Doug in Palo Alto - 2 for 2 Winner!!

Let's do Another Round of News!!:

> The fire in Southern California is spreading quickly

> An interview with Barak Obama got pretty personal last night. He is worried about his kids living normal lives.

> Since Obama's election, there has been a huge spike in racial hate crimes. There is a pool where you can bid a dollar and bet on the day that Obama will be killed, there was a school bus with a bunch of kids chanting "Assasinate Obama", and a black man was killed on election night.

> Prisoners who go through with public sex acts are dressed in Pink in prison.

School Stories:

> A man was assigned to read the crucible douced his teacher in a non-flammable fluid and tried to light her on fire for being a Witch.
> In Chicago they are working on a "gay friendly" highschool. They are having massive problems and drop out rates of gay students. This way they would have a harrassment free environment for learning.

> In Georgia a girl is filing for sexual harrassment. 5 middle school kids dropped their pants and put their privates in a girls face and sexually taunted her when the teacher left the room. When the teacher returned the girl was on the floor but the teacher didn't think much of it but when the girl didn't return the next day and then returned in tears the following day they looked more into it.

> Jacksonville - police have charged a 14 year old assult for stabbing another child with a steak knife over $4.

But Is She Hot?

<---28 year old math teacher Anna Thompson has been charged for having a 3 year lesbian relationship with a 14 year old student.

New York, Jenmattie Sing a teacher had sex with a 15 year old student and 2 of his family members. --------->

<------Melissa Snow had sex with a male student and is out on a $50,000 bond.

Good News!: A man who got hit by a train last Thursday is OK! He got out with MINOR injuries. He was hit by a train which means his body was run over by 8 train cars and he was released from his hospital.

What We Learned:

Ravey: Last thing in the world she wants is a touch of the tony's

Menace: 105 year old lady will be super lucky tonight

Greg: If you wanna score with a lama you should move to Sweden

Tony: What the true definition of a Mother Effer is and all we need to attract people to our webcam is a puppy.

Woody: 2 People got added to the spank bank - the 900lb lady and the 105 year old virgin.

Katie: It's ok to have sex with animals as long as they are askin for it.

Tony's Just a Headline: " Secretary of Defense Raises Focus on Danzig"

The Only and Only Live 105

This morning Jen is in for Greg, my brain isn't here, Tony's kinda sick....you know. We're all a mess at the moment.


Today's Intern: Andrea


So, Are you guys going to say something?: Goooood Morning! We're all hella bumbed, it's Friday and it's Pay Day. Greg is physically unable to perform. Greg picks at his fingers His finger got infected and it turned dark purple yesterday. He finally went to the doctor, they had to cut open his finger, drain it, take out a piece of his finger, give him a tetnes shot, and drugged him up. That sucks. Today is going to be a good show, so get excited! One last thing, David Cross is a hilarious comedian, and we played his cd track "what it's like to be a comedian."


Guess The State: Police say a man tried to rob a bank right when the tellers emptied their cash droors. When this happened, one of the tellers fainted, and then when he saw the empty droors he said he was going to file a complaint with the bank manager.
#1. Leon in Walnut Creek - Pennsylvania Winner!!!


News With Mrs. Woody:
> Nebraska has put everyone on notice, since they made that law where you can drop your kids off for abandonment a lot of kids have been dropped off. Last week an 18 year old was dropped off. This girl was forced to live with her biological mother, for a week, who was dead the whole time. (silent treatment...GETTING!) The drop off rate is now 43 kids....20 of those were TEENAGERS.
> 2 men who was charged with plot to kill the President Obama, while wearing white suits with sawed off shot guns. The jury is made up of 2 white guys and 21 non white people. Their effed.
> 37 yr old inmate in a Canadian prison will get released on parole because they can't support his 430 lb self. They are claiming that its "for health reasons"

Sports With Ms. Ravey:

> Raiders VS Dolphins on Sunday

> Javon Walker is done for the year he needs surgery

> Frank Gore missed practice yesterday but will play Sunday

> Sharks beat the Flames 6-1

> Detroit beat the Warriors last night 107 - 102

> Nick Swisher is now on the Yankees

Happy Happy Story Time: North Carolina: Shannon Atkins did a project on the high rate of traffic deaths in her area. This weekend she was killed in a head on collision with a 29 year old drunk driver....Ironic? Nope.

Ravey's Music And Entertainment:

> The latest James Bond movie comes out today - Good action Film

> Paramore walked off with Woody of the Year

> Bad News - Lipstick Jungle and My Own Worst Enemy got dropped from NBC

> Ghost Whisperer is on Foc Tonight

> Robot Chicken is on Cartoon Network

> TRL ends on Sunday

Final Word: Kanye West "I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade. It is a big thing to end up being like Michael Jordan"

A "Wow That Sucks" Story: Would you rather freeze to death or burn to death. 57 year old woman in Russia parked her car and fell into a pit of boiling water. A man tried to save her but he couldn't and she boiled to death.

Dumbass Contest: Menace and Callie Spelling Bee.

#1. Evan in Rohnert Park - Callie Winner!!!

#2. John in Nevado - Menace

Let it Begin!!! Notice to the right....the picture...that is Menace's writing paper for this contest.

First Word - Birdie

Menace: B-I-R-D-I-E Right!

Callie: B-I-R-D-I-E Right!

Second Word - Soup

Menace: S-O-U-P Right!

Callie: S-O-U-P Right!

Third Word - Rhythm

Menace: R-Y-U-M-E .....Uh wrong.

Callie: R-Y-T-H-M Wrong!

Fourth Word- Cheesy

Menace: C-H-E-E-S-E-Y Wrong!

Callie: C-H-E-E-S-Y Right!!

Fifth Word - Pillar

Menace: P-I-L-L-E-R Wrong!

Callie: P-I-L-L-A-R Right!

Sixth Word - Banana

Menace: B-A-N-N-E-A-N-A Wrong!

Callie: B-A-N-A-N-A Right!

Seventhe Word - Desert

Menace: D-E-Z-U-R-T Wrong!

Callie: D-E-S-E-R-T Right!

Pee Stories:

> The latest technology is for astronaughts to convert their pee into drinking water.

> 2 guys have taken this whole urinal thing has been taken to a whole new level. There are now video games where you can ski (using your pee to direct the skiier) and you can shoot aliens. Girls don't feel left out, they have included a cone so we can play too!

> In Washington - police arrested a 13 year old boy who peed in her drink.

> An 18 year old man in New Zealand turned himself in for vandalizing parking meeters. He stands up on buildings, aims high and creates an arch so it goes into the coin slot and comes out where the ticket is printed. That's talent.

> A man in England is being charged with spraying urin and excrament in a bookstore, pub, retaurant, and 2 supermarkets.

News Round 2:

> Kanye West has been arrested and released early this morning after an alleged incident involving a photographer outside a nightclub in England. According to TMZ.com. Kanye West was arrested shortly after getting into a scuffle with a paparazzi outside the Tup Tup club in Newcastle. The photographer claimed he suffered a cut face and bruising after Kanye pushed his camera into his face and shouted, "Get the f---ing camera off me."

> Hillary Clinton will be working by the side of Obama.

> The man who became famous for getting pregnant before, has done it again. He is pregnant for a second time. He was born a girl, but has been taking hormones and is transgender.

> The girl who killed herself over Paula Abdul is being defended. People are saying that TV is making her look more crazy than she really is.

Ty from San Jose calls in and lets us in on what it is like to date a transgender.

The Hat Lady Jan Wahl is Here!!

> She told us the new James Bond movie is great and how we should see it. 2 out of 4 hats

> She had a drive by insult.....faster than Woody is in bed.... wow... anywhoooo.

> She hasn't seen Role Models yet. She needs to.

Crap on Celebrities:

> Adriene from the Cheetah girls might have released those pictures on her own, she has now gotten an offer from Playboy.

> Reason #45673 why it must be awesome to be married to Kate Beckinsale - She loves to look great for her husband even on her days off.

Crappy Birthdays

> Chris Noth - 54

> Francis Conroy - 55

> Tonya Harding - 38

> Sammy Sosa - 40

> Megan Melagi - 50

> Travis Barker - 33 (Tony's point)

> Randy Savage - 56

> Beverly DeAngelo - 57 (Menace's point)

> Judge Walker - 89

> Lisa Bonet - 41 (Menace's point)

> Jimmy Kimmel - 41

> Whoopi Goldburg - 53 (Menace's Point)

> Al Michaels - 64 (Menace's point)

Menace Wins!

Mya Mason has starred in 126 fine films including; "Chock Full of mmm", "Grand Theft Anal 2", "Toys in the Hood" , and "Space Nuts" She is a whopping 24 years old.

Friday Song Challenge with a Sweet Twist:

Menace: 303 - Don't Challenge

Ravey: Apocalyptica - I Don't Care

Tony: Sum 41 - In Too Deep

Jen: Coldplay - Lost -- #3 Winner! 36.6%

Woody: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Under The Bridge