Today's Intern: Jessica
Talk Talk Talk: Goooood Mornnning!!! Welcome back Greg! Greg likes the show, we're funny. He listened in the 9'o clock hour and we're really good. He was all drugged up, but oh well. Greg thinks his habbit might be his OCD and he hates missing work, not because he won't be there, but because he knows someone will use his desk and stuff will be messed up. Menace came clean, if Greg lost a finger, Menace would have to stare at it. There is a show called "Half Ton Mum" This woman is 900lbs, and she has kids, which means someone would have to F her. Gross. To get this lady out of the house, they had to build a ramp to get her into the ambulance and it took 7 people on each side to carry her. She died of a heartattack 12 days after her surgery. Here is her myspace - http://profile.myspace.com/ladyrenee6 Story for Ravey: After 9-11 the govt. hired secret "agents" to fly on planes called "air marshals" that keep watch over the flight. According to a study, 3 dozen air marshals have been charged with crimes since 9-11. Charge Examples: Dui, Domestic Violence, Bank Fraud and Accepting Bribes, Solicitation of Prostitution, Drug and Weapon Smuggling (including explosives from Afghanistan), Attempted Murder, and Sexual 
Abuse of a Child. One air marshal accidentially left his gun in the airplane bathroom and a child found it. Last week a travel website posted a survey where they asked passangers if they would $10 for a service. For example would you pay $10 to: get through security in 10 minutes, guarenteed space in overhead compartment, priority unloading "exit the plane first", priority re-booking in case your flight was cancelled, in flight internet access, and to be seated away from parents with children. Would you pay $10 less if you: couldn't check bags, middle seat, no recliner, last to get on the plane, or had to be seated next to parents with young kids and babies.Woody loves the new SNL bit: "Really...?" A couple questions: would you want to smoke a battery powered cigarrette? Really...? and should Sam Robberts from the Opi and Anthony show get kudos for the fact that Tina Fey said his "catch phrase" (Which belongs to him) which is "What's the Happs?" ....Really....?
Email From the People:
> Email from George: Had the same situation as Greg, except had it twice. Feels for Greg.
News With Greg, Who has become really good at flipping people off all of a sudden:> Residents of SC were urged to leave their homes because of the fires. 35 square miles have been scortched so far. More than 8,400 people have been evacuated.
> Barak Obama is pretty much addicted to his Blackberry but they are claiming that he will have to give it up when he becomes President because emails and messages may be hacked.
> A 35 year old woman from SF was in a car accident and she lost her eye so the doctors are going to try to put a webcam in her fake eye.
> PETA was petitioning that people raise the insurance premium on meat eaters and decrease the premium on vegetarians.
> We talked about how Woody wants to starve a puppy just to get hits on our webcam, then we talked about starving Menace.
Sports with Ravey who loves flying:
> Raiders lost to the Dolphins 17 - 15
> Jim Fossel is pitching Al Davis for the next Raiders Coach
> 49ers won
> 12,837 games in NFL but for the first time ever a game was won 11-10
> For the first time since 2002 a game has ended in a tie Eagles and 
Bengals tied at 13.
Bengals tied at 13.> Titans beat the Jaguires
> Packers crushed the Bears
> Sharks beat the Blackhawks 6-5
> Warriors beat the Clippers on Saturday
> This day in History - Jets and Raiders game got cut 1 minute short in 1968 when it was a really close game so that the movie Heidi and there were 2 touchdowns scored in that minute.
Music and Entertainment Report with Ravels:
> The James Bond movie took in $74 million.
> Madagascar 2 and Role Models did great this weekend
> Ben Stiller is officially a sequel guy.
> Scott Wylan wants to be dropped from his label but they won't let him.
> November sweeps continue on TV
Final Word: Wanda Sykes who came out of the closet this weekend "I don't talk about my sexual orientation, I don't feel like I have to, I wasn't living in the closet I was just living my life."
Sexy Stories with The Woody Show:> A 26 year old guy went to his mom and asked her why women don't like him. She gave him the advice that he just hadn't found the right woman. So instead of taking her advice and waiting to find a woman, he forced himself on her mother twice.
> Authorities in Sweden uncovered over 30 zoo files, which is a group that has sex with animals. You would think that they would just lock all these perverts up, they can't because, its NOT illegal to have sex with animals in Sweden.
> Guys need to stop putting their junk where it doesn't belong. Last Friday a 73 year old guy from New York was using a steal pipe as an errotic aid. He got his junk stuck in the pipe and he called for help. It took a firefighter 90 minutes to slowly chip away at the pipe.
> In Canada"Sex Toy Shop Luded" These two guys stole $2,000 dollars in kinky junk. "They took all the Rabbits but they left the Seahorse, probably because they had enough butt plugs. The Seahorse comes with a butt plug," she explained. "They didn't even touch the German stuff. I don't get it."
> Old Virgin in the News!! There is an 105 year old woman in England named Clara Meadmore who has never had sex. That is more than 38,000 sex free days.
> There is a company that employed 6 women. A group of patients "told on" these women for apparently making them masturbate.
Dumbass Contest: Make a Wish, Fake a Wish
#1. Doug in Palo Alto - 2 for 2 Winner!!
Let's do Another Round of News!!:
> The fire in Southern California is spreading quickly
> An interview with Barak Obama got pretty personal last night. He is worried about his kids living normal lives.
> Since Obama's election, there has been a huge spike in racial hate crimes. There is a pool where you can bid a dollar and bet on the day that Obama will be killed, there was a school bus with a bunch of kids chanting "Assasinate Obama", and a black man was killed on election night.
> Prisoners who go through with public sex acts are dressed in Pink in prison.
School Stories:
> A man was assigned to read the crucible douced his teacher in a non-flammable fluid and tried to light her on fire for being a Witch.
> In Chicago they are working on a "gay friendly" highschool. They are having massive problems and drop out rates of gay students. This way they would have a harrassment free environment for learning.
> In Chicago they are working on a "gay friendly" highschool. They are having massive problems and drop out rates of gay students. This way they would have a harrassment free environment for learning.
> In Georgia a girl is filing for sexual harrassment. 5 middle school kids dropped their pants and put their privates in a girls face and sexually taunted her when the teacher left the room. When the teacher returned the girl was on the floor but the teacher didn't think much of it but when the girl didn't return the next day and then returned in tears the following day they looked more into it.
> Jacksonville - police have charged a 14 year old assult for stabbing another child with a steak knife over $4.
But Is She Hot?
<---28 year old math teacher Anna Thompson has been charged for having a 3 year lesbian relationship with a 14 year old student.
New York, Jenmattie Sing a teacher had sex with a 15 year old student and 2 of his family members. --------->
<------Melissa Snow had sex with a male student and is out on a $50,000 bond.
Good News!: A man who got hit by a train last Thursday is OK! He got out with MINOR injuries. He was hit by a train which means his body was run over by 8 train cars and he was released from his hospital.
What We Learned:
Ravey: Last thing in the world she wants is a touch of the tony's
Menace: 105 year old lady will be super lucky tonight
Greg: If you wanna score with a lama you should move to Sweden
Tony: What the true definition of a Mother Effer is and all we need to attract people to our webcam is a puppy.
Woody: 2 People got added to the spank bank - the 900lb lady and the 105 year old virgin.
Katie: It's ok to have sex with animals as long as they are askin for it.
Tony's Just a Headline: " Secretary of Defense Raises Focus on Danzig"
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