NSSN Comes Tonight!!!!

Not So Silent Night is tonight!!!! I'm stoked!! Everyone had better be there! :-)

Today's Intern: Mike

My Parachute Won't Open Dammit: Goooooooood Morning! We had a little argument about when we announced NSSN this year, we apparently announced it hella early. I don't exactly remember. Itzhak Valansky will be here today! We were going to have Spencer Christian and Janelle Wang do a follow up story on Itzhak. Spencer and Janelle are our people, but unfortunately they aren't allowed to come here anymore. Reason? We had them play F, Marry, Kill last time and "that was bad for their image." That's Crap. A guy we talked about from Merrell Lynch who requested a $10 million bonus. He then claimed he revoked his request because "Times are tough and it was the right thing to do." Last week a cat named Edgar went missing for 3 days and when she returned half of her face was littlerally dangling from his head. Apparently Edgar had gone under the hood of a car to keep warm and the fan belt caught the side of its face when the owner of the car turned it on. The cat returned to the house and was sitting in its litter box and when the owner passed out cold. The owner then took the cat to the vet and they sewed its face back on and now it just looks like it has a black eye. Lucky Cat!

Guess The State: Police say 3 teens tried to steal an undercover cop car with the cops inside. The teens were looking around in a parking lot and the undercover cop car followed them. The teens then headed towards the cop car with a flashlight, screw driver, and a piece of concrete. The cops then got out of the car and chased the teens. 2 were arrested and the third got away.

#1. Tarik in Dublin: Florida...Winner!

News with Greg:

> A British TV channel was scheduled to air a controversial documentary Wednesday night showing a terminally ill man committing assisted suicide. The film follows retired university professor Craig Ewert during the last four days of his life in 2006, when he visited a Swiss clinic with his wife, Mary, in order to die. "The disproportionate media coverage given to a very small handful of persistent people, desperate to end their lives, creates the false impression that there is a growing demand for assisted dying," Care Not Killing said in a statement on its Web site.

> Some guy named O.C. Welsh started running ads for his Ford dealership that were very racist. "Them Japanese cars are rice ready, not road ready." Listen Here.
> Some woman named Roberta had a very traumatic night. An intruder busted through her door with a gun through her door. She was petrified but her dog D Boy came to the rescue. The intruder shot the dog in the head, but that didn't fase the dog. The intruder shot the dog 2 more times, but the dog didn't stop protecting his owner. The intruder was so spooked that he left. The dog was taken to the hospital and is going to be fine. Hells yes!

Sports with Ravey:

> All three finalists for the Heismen Trophy are quarterbacks

> Nascar had deals with these car dealerships that are struggling so Nascar is taking a hit due to the economy crash.

> They may fold the WNBA all together.

> Warriors beat the Bucks last night.

> John Daily purposely smashed a photographers camera against a tree.

Something Ravey Won't Cover:

John Schnider, played Bo Duke, in reals life, someone stole 2 puppies and a car from him on Saturday. They then found the car, without the 2 puppies.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> A human rights organization called Repreive is launching a campaign called "Stop The Music Torture," aimed at ending the American practice of blasting music at loud levels while "interrogating" prisoners.

> Pearl Jam will reissue it's classic 1991 album, Ten, on March 24th, in a delux edition that will be available in four different versions. Each version will include a remastered version of the origional album along with a completely new remix of the set by longtime Pearl Jam producer Brendan O' Brien.

> The wife and son of Chris Baker, the personal assistant to Travis Barker who was killed in the September 19th plane crash that left three others dead and Barker of DJ AM seriously injured, have filed a wrongful death lawsuit against the aviation company that owned the plane and the company that made its tires.

> Deftones bassist, Chi Cheng is still in a coma after his car accident.

> Amy Polar is going to make her final appearance on SNL this week.

> Secret Millionare on Fox takes place from the Tenderloin tonight.

Final Word: Billy Corgen who says that the Smashing Pumpkins won't be releasing anymore albums "There's no point, people don't even listen to it. They put it on their IPod and they listen to the singles and don't listen to the rest of it. We will be more of a singles band from now on."

Fart Fun!:

> A Junior Highschool boy was arrested for purposly farting in class and for turning off the computers other students were working.

> A man with a healthy diet produces about a quart of gas

> Women don't fart as much as guys but their farts are denser

> The Whoopie Cushion was made to entertain royalty.

> Dogs fart a lot because they take in so much air when they eat and drink.

> Farts have a temp of 98.6 but it cools down as it travels 10 feet per second.

What Produces the Worst Smelling Farts:

Jeremiah - Meat and Veggies

James - Beer

Jen - Bagel Bites

Lynn - Hard Boiled Eggs

Dumbass Contest: Who's the Other Guy?

#1. Gina in Dublin - 1 outta 3 No Win!

#2. Sarah in SF - 0 outta 2 No Win!

#3. Josh in San Leandro - 2 for 2 Winner!

Sexy Time Fun Facts:

> Ravey pleasures herself

> According to a new survey 92% of women admit that they pleasure themselves

> According to a new survey, 34 is the age women find themselves sexiest.

> 44% of women want more foreplay and 32% just wish their man would last longer. Thing is 39% of women have never told their guy just how they want it.

> 1 in 3 women say that their partner is selfish in bed

> 92% of fat chicks have had sex with a man while only 87% of normal sized chicks have had sex with a man.

Special Spots:

#8. Her inner thigh

#7. Her Back and Shoulders

#6. Her Hands

#5. Her Breasts

#4. Knees

#3. Her Booty

#2. Her Stomach

#1. Her Hair

What Spots Turn You On?

Ravey: Her hair

Greg: Ears

Menace: Nothing. Focus on the Weeeen

Tony: Collar Bone

Woody: Stomach

Katie: Neck and Ears

Itzhak Valansky is in the House!

> He is here, dressed in full parachute attire.

> He thinks that this place is interesting.

> "I'm not a book man, I'm a musician stuck in the body of a book seller."

> You guys need to go McDonald's book store on 3rd Street!!

> This guy's got jokes!

> He performed 3 of his songs! He rules!

> If you haven't yet seen the video watch it HERE, if you have seen it, watch it again, and send it to everyone you know. We're trying to get it featured on Youtube!!

News Round 2 with Mr. Greg Gory:

> How did a day without a gay go? Well it drew what's being called "spotty" participation nation wide yesterday, with some people saying that the concept was good but the effect wasn't all that great. An employee of Cliff's Variety Hardware store said he wanted to call in gay, but didn't want his boss to bear the burden of his absence. A Castro resident said it could have been so much bigger and better, with hotels even being shut down. Rallies were held, though, in SF, Austin, and Logan, Utah.

> 3 Kentucky Friend chicken employees in Anderson, CA were suspended after taking a bath in a deep sink normally used to clean dishes. The girls probably would have gotten away with it but one of the girls put pictures of it all on her Myspace page.

> The economy isn't doing so well, we all know that, how are things in Detroit? Apparently so bad that even the strip clubs are feeling the heat. Jon Jon's Cabaret is offering half off deals and have cut the cost of table dances from $20 to $10. They've also lowered the drink prices, it seems to be helping. They say the regulars still come in, they just don't stay as long. Other adult-oriented businesses in Detroit aren't doing too well either. The GreekTown Casino in downtown Detroit is in chapter 11 bankruptcy and the MGM Grand has laid off several dozen employees. The GM of a strip club called the Booby Trap says that they have good nights and bad nights, but more bad than good.

What We Learned:

Ravey: The shocker isn't foul.

Menace: Itzhak has a killer wardrobe

Greg: Menace's dream is to watch Greg have a heart attack

Tony: Ravey owns a South Carolina car dealership.
Woody: Ravey if she ever accidentally swallows poison she won't need a stomach pump because the words "rogue hair on my shaft" will bring it right up.

Katie: Menace is screwed because a sideways hat and pumpkin farts don't get you street cred.

Tony's Just A Headline: "Man Caught with Case of Crabs in Texas."