Crunkin and Junkin and Drunkin and Dunkin

Last night was a freaking blast! Today is going to be a long day but it should rule! Starbucks has never tasted so good!

Today's Intern: Mike

You're Going To Like It A Lot: Gooooooooooooooooood Morning! It feels like Friday, but it's hella not. We had the show Christmas party. Ravey made a delicious buffet last night! She made turkey sliders that were wonderful! Menace was and still is bitching about how hot the turkey sliders were. Menace puked last night. He kept drinking and drinking, then he went out after, and then he puked. He had a strong drink at the bar and puked on Market, then cleaned himself up at a place where his ex-girlfriend just so happened to work. When Menace drinks he starts making booty calls. Menace got Woody and me Iphone battery cases. They rule! There was a story on NBC: some dude got his iphone stolen and he had a app called mobile me. Mobile me connects your phone to your computer and basically backs up his stuff. The next day he got a brand new iphone...later in the day he started noticing unfamiliar contacts showing up in his phone. The theif who took his phone was programming his own information into the phone, but because of the mobile me app, it was now showing up on the NEW iphone. The guy called the cops, they tracked down the phone and the theif, the theif was arrested, and the guy got his phone back and got to sell the brand new one on ebay. A man in Canada is sueing the mother of his child. He doesn't think he should have to pay child support because the woman had sex with him during sleep. Not buying this. Basically this morning's topic was Women are the Devil. End of story.

News with Greggels:

> In Atlanta a woman was arrested for not taking off her head scarf when going through security. She may spend up to 10 days in jail.

> A baby was born with a mass in its brain. When it went in for surgery to remove the mass which they thought was a tumor, they found a fully developed foot. Gross, see it here.

> Last August, a woman from Phoenix named Rosemary Alvarez started experiencing blurred vision and numbness in her arm. She went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a brain tumor. When Rosemary underwent the knife to have the tumor removed, her doctors didn't find a tumor at all, they found a worm that was LIVING IN HER BRAIN. The doctors removed the worm and Rosemary is doing fine. Question is, how the F do you get a worm in your brain. The doctors said there are 2 options: 1. Eating uncooked pork and 2. Eating food that was preparted by someone who didn't wash their hands after using the bathroom. Gross. Check this out.

Sports With Ravels:

> Warriors lost last night. duh

> Tiger Woods had a press conference last night about his knee surgery. He is ready to return to golf

> Lisa Davenport is going to have a baby and is off the tour indefinitely

> Pacman Jones was back at practice yesterday.

Attempt #1 at Douche Bag of the Day: A man spent $7500 trying to fight a $115 ticket. He said that he was given the ticket unfairly and he is going to fight the hell out of it. This isn't a very good one.

Attempt #2 at Douche Bag of the Day: A traffic agent gave Santa a traffic ticket the other day. The Santa was stopped in the street in a horse drawn carriage handing out candy and toys. The ticket was given to the SUV that was trailing the carriage. The ticket was $115. This traffic agent is the Douche Bag of the Day.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Jeremy Piven (who Woody is gay for) quit his Broadway play because his doctors told him to. They found a massive ammount of mercury in his system.

> All the cool people set the penis' to boner. check out http://www.funnyordie.com/

> Million Dollar Password

Final Word: Brad Pitt, explaining that he and Angelina don't go overboard with their kids at Christmas: "The kids dont ask for the big gifts, because they don't see all the American TV that show the huge toys. We figure if they don't see them, they won't know that they are in existance."

Attempt #3 at Our Douche Bag of the Day: John Walker Lindh, the American Taliban guy, who is American born who decided to go to muslim. He was sentanced to jail because he admitted to joining the taliban in 2002. Well, he is now asking George W. Bush to set him free.

Random Story: An Egyptian man announced yesterday that he is offering his daughter for marriage to the man who threw his shoe at President Bush. The daughter agreed and said it would be an honor to be married to a hero.

Who they think we should tip. The response to most of these was HELL NO:

> House keeper tip up to 1 weeks pay and or a small gift

> Barber the cost of 1 hair cut or a small gift

> Dog walker up to one weeks pay or gift

> Personal Trainer

> Pool Cleaner

> Newspaper Delivery person, small tip or gift

> Mail Delivery guy

> Door Man - we actually said yes to this

> Yard Worker - $20

> Teacher - small gift but no cash

Really Cool Santa Story: A 9 year old girl in Texas had a much more disturbing wish. Her letter to Santa asked that her 55 year old relative would stop touching her and her 10 year old sister. This guy has been abusing these girls in their own home while others were sleeping for the past 4 years. This letter was written in class, the teacher saw it, and the teacher called the cops and the man was arrested and charged with 2 counts of sexual abuse and can spend up to 198 years in prison.

Sexy Time Fun Facts:

> Mark Your CalendarsThis year we’re synchronizing in the two-hour period around the Solstice, which falls on Sunday December 21 at 12.04 p.m. (four minutes after noon) Greenwich Mean Time. So in the U.K., Global-O time will be from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. The world is celebrating the election of the new USA President, Barack Obama, and the hope for change that he has stirred in our hearts. We are riding the wave of joy and renewal, which gives us a flying start for this year’s Global O! It’s the Global OOObama Factor! Check the Site Here.

> Thelma called in and told us the most graphic and nasty story about her orgasm during child birth.

> 64% of men say it is important that their partner finishes during sex

> The average guy finishes 4 times per week. 2 times during sex and 2 times by themselves.

> Girls. Have you ever thought about going gay? Even if you aren't into girls? 42% of men and 41% of women admit to cheating, but 37% of women can get over the betrayal but only 5% of men can.

> 7 in 10 men say they please their lady all the time. Most guys rate themselves as either good or excellent

> 1 in 4 women fake orgasms regularly and 1 in 3 guys admit that they have faked the orgasm.

Ask The Woody Show:

Sarah in San Mateo: She's getting off, but her boyfriend isn't. Its consistant. She wants to dump him, should she?

Ravey: They just aren't sexually compatable.

Menace: She's probably busted and she should shut up because she's getting laid.

Greg: He made some churning butter comment. Not mega getting.

Tony: Only thing I heard was "we're sexperts"

Woody: The sexual element of a relationship is key. It's a way of relating to eachother and you have to be in sync this way.

News Round 2 With Greg:

> A couple of billionares are donating $25 million to the SFU Labratory

> In Chico a 6th grade student brought some brownies that his mom made and shared them with the other students. Little did they know that the brownies were pot brownies. The kid is in protective custody and the mother is facing criminal charges.

> A Japanese couple took an United airlines flight, and the husband got freaking wasted and beat his wife with a total of 6 hits in the face. This was 2 years ago, now, the man is SUING UNITED AIRLINES for over serving him.

Dumbass Contest: Who Got it?

#1. Greg in Oakland - 0 for 2 No Win!

#2. David in Livermore - 0 for 2 No Win!

#3. John in SF - 0 for 2 No Win!

#4. Curtis in San Jose - 0 for 2 No Win!

#5. Johnathon in Tracy - Got 1 Right Winner!

#6. Jake in SF - Also a Winner!

What We Learned:

Ravey: Menace either goes on forever or is done in seconds

Menace: Continually and since the beginnign of time, child birth is gross

Greg: The only thing grosser than achieving an o during birth, is a foot in the brain

Tony: The only satisfaction Beth got from Tony was a baby

Katie: We all can relax because when Douche Bag of the Day fails, we can just turn to Tony.

Woody: If hell exists it's filled with women.

Tony's Just a Headline: He screwed this up, by asking for a getting......and now he's pouting.