Stool.

I'm excited to be back. I'm wearing a Got Wood? t shirt. My jeans didn't dry all the way, and I'm kind of a mess, but who cares...you guys can't see me anyways! :-)


Today's Intern: Jessica


Humpty Dumpty: Goooooooood Morning! Greg is hella bumbed that it's Thursday...well kinda, it's Thursday for us!! Justin.tv is starting to rule! Woody tells everyone that the Jets game was on JTV this weekend. Ravey is pissed that he said anything. "Way to ruin a good thing you ass." Menace was pissed because 24 Redemption was on last night, and he missed all his cartoons....no comment on this part. Menace has more estrogen than Ravey. The Nebraska abandonment law finally got fixed, the loop-hole has been closed. There were teenagers up to age 18 getting dropped off, now the age limit is infants up to 30 days old. The last teen to be abandoned was a 14 year old boy from, that's right, California. Beth went on a lesbian party trip and left Tony with Dean. Tony was in the kitchen and Dean put his head in the dog's water bowl and Dean also figured out how to open the glass door, light a cigarette, and get a whore.


Stupid Human Story:
> Dublin, Georgia: Rico, shot some guy twice, and it felt so good that he wrote a rap song about it, calling the victim by name. Chad Blue (who got shot) had a friend who was listening to a CD and heard this Rico the rapper say "Chad Blue knows how I shoot." He recognized the voice and the name and called police.



News with Mr. Gory:
> The average price to a gallon of gas has fallen to under $2 for the first time since 2005. Barak must have snuck into the gas button room. In the past month gas has dropped 81 cents and $2 since June.
> Friday in Concord, a teenager was shot. He saw someone getting assulted and tried to help stop it and help the person out. The suspect was a 16 year old black boy wearing jeans, a t shirt, and earings.... wow. Great description.
> Not a good idea to have nudie pix on your cell phone. This guy accidentally left his phone in a McDonald's, thing is, he had naked pictures on his phone of his wife. Those pictures, that's right, ended up on the Internet. This family is now filing a lawsuit and is moving out of the state due to embarrassment. The deal with the phone is, the guy called McDonalds and an employee said that they would hold the phone until he returned.


Woody was pooping at the airport and lost his phone. Some guy returned it. Woody also had to go pee at Best Buy and there is some guy pooping in the bathroom with his 5 year old daughter in the bathroom. He had a huge buttsplosion and you hear the little girl go "ewww daddy..."


Sports with Ravels:
> The 49ers couldn't stop the Cowboys
> Raiders finally remembered how to play football. They beat the Broncos 31-10
> Titans got beat down by the Jets
> Sharks beat the crap out of the Capitals on Saturday 7-2
> Sharks play Wednesday

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Twilight is the biggest opening ever for a female director.

> The new 007 made $24.7 million

> Cold Play shut out last night at the Great American Music Awards

> Chris Brown won Artist of the Year

> Kanye didn't pitch a fit for the first time last night.

> Travis Barker has filed a lawsuit against the manufacturer of the jet that crashed killing 4 people and leaving Parker and DJ AM with severe burns

> Guns N Roses has broken the record for the most online downloads - 25 listens per second.

> The Dr. Pepper thing was shenanigans. The server apparently wasn't strong enough to hold all the chaos.

Final Word: Rosie O'Donnell is bringing back a live variety show back to TV, "Now is the right time for the genre to make a come back"

Parent of the Year 2008 Award:

Warning: Some of these are SUPER disturbing, we're not trying to be funny.

Nominee #1. A guy in Florida left his 2 kids home alone while he went to go do got knows what. He left his kid a hunting knife, a baseball bat, and an ax. The neighbors found out and called the cops and he is under arrest for child neglect.

Nominee #2. 43 year old Tammy Smith from W. Virginia, was arrested after she burned the word "wimp" into her 6 year old daughters neck with a cigarette. The cause, the kid fell and was crying. Tammy has been charged with 5 counts of child abuse.

Nominee #3. A lady was trying to kill her husband by setting their apartment on fire, she then didn't kill her husband but killed her 2 kids.

Nominee #4. A man hit 3 cars with his van and left his kids in the car and fled the scene.

Nominee #5. A woman lost custody of her 4 kids after leaving 2 home alone while she went to Kentucky and then told 1 of them to hide in the car while she worked her shift at a hospital.

Nominee #6. Vasquez had kept two of her adopted children locked up in cages, plastic buckets were placed in their rooms for urination and defecation, they were underfed, malnourished, and “underloved.” Vasquez had burned one of her adopted daughters with a match, inflicted bruises by pinching her, and made her sleep on the floor “with rats” where the girl sustained flea bites. Even the one adopted girl who was Vasquez’s favorite was abused, in this case, the girl was given injections of a drug designed to delay puberty and was the focus of 71 nude and semi-nude photographs that Dudley characterized as “child pornography.”

Nominee #7. This 5 year old was murdered. The parents who killed her then tried to pass off another girl to be the daughter so they could show that the child was still in the family. The brother of the little girl testified saying that the little girl was basically beaten, and beaten, and beaten, and shot with a air soft gun just for fun, they would stomp on her, and she basically stopped showing emotion and crying. This is the worst story and it made me sick.

Dumbass Contest: Impossible Trivia

The Average American eats 13.7 lbs of this a year.

#1. Mario - Potatoes No Win

#2. Mitch - Pizza No Win
#3. Meru - Turkey Winner

This started some huge turkey talk. I want turkey, and mashed taters, and stuffing, and cranberry sauce, and pie. Yummmmmmmmmmmmm.

We talked about the youtube event. Menace got to pee next to the chocolate rain guy. Katy Perry got jumped on and talked to Menace about it. Apparently they watched people use WiFi on a plane and this was exciting to Menace but Greg kinda lost it due to Menace's never ending talking.

News Round 2:

> Janet Jacksons boobie situation from like 100000 years ago still isn't over it. The world is over it but I guess the FCC isnt.

> In Pennsylvania, a school bus driver is being charged with endangerment. The driver was getting frustrated with a 10 year old because the kid wouldn't sit down. The driver warned him "if you don't sit down you'll get knocked down." To teach him a lesson the bus driver braked so hard that the kid went flying out of his seat.

> A security guard shot and killed an unidentified man who was swinging around a couple of samurai swords.

Douchebag of the Day:

From Kent, Washington: 40 year old Phillip Quinn was tinkering with a lava lamp at his house. His family and his parents became worried when they couldn't get a hold of him. They decided to go see him. They were shocked when they found his body slumped over with glass from the living room to the kitchen. Turns out the bubbles weren't bubbling fast enough for him so he decided to put the lava lamp on the stove. It then exploded and a piece of glass punctured his heart and he died.

Crap on Celebs:

>There was a cover of Hollywoods best off couples.

#1. Beyonce and Jay-Z

#2. Will Smith and Jadea

#3. David and Victoria Beckham

> Linda Hogan has been recieving $46,000 a month in alamony

> Toby McGuire is expecting another baby.

Crappy Birthday:

> Tom Hanks Son - 31

> Dwight Shultz - 61

Porno Birthday: Sally laid who has appeared in 166 films including; "Take this Wad and
Shove It" and "Heavenly Hooters" is 47.

Guess The State: A man who went to buy cigarettes in a gorilla suit was stopped. It turns out he had a warrant for receiving stolen property. So instead of laying low he decided to go out in a gorilla suit.

#1. Sarah the intern - Menace and I Duked it out over this

#2. Warren - Florida No Win!

#3. April in SF - For the Win!!! Pennsylvania.

What We Learned:

Ravey: Dr. Pepper are lying bastards who make a great soda.

Menace: Greg Gory f-f-f-f-finds w-w-wifi broadcasting on a plane, on a plane 35...350...35000 ft. in the air...flying......we stopped him here.

Greg: Linda Balea is the ultimate gold digging bitch

Tony: I'd give a whole months celery for a giant turkey.

Woody: Its a bad idea to call your next rap song "I killed this lady named Ravey and this is how I did it."

Katie: The definition of tough love is leaving your child with Tony.

Tony's Just a Headline: " Police Question Baguette in Child Abuse Case"