It Is What It Is!

I wanted today to get here as fast as possible, and this morning, I did NOT want to get up. It was super windy, but warm at the same time. What the hell is going on here?

Today's Intern: Jessica

Ok, You Can Talk Now: Gooooooood Morning!!! Greg's hella excited that it's Monday! Oh we were supposed to be here this next Monday, oh but uhhh....Steelers are going to the Championship! Hell yeah! Where you at Charger fans!? You ish talkers. Ravey and Woody just decided that they are going to the games. This

is a random story: a woman dies in New York after attending a sex orgy. She died of a drug overdose. She had attended the sex orgy with another man and a woman. The man who she went with, was a rich son of a banana importer. (This last sentance was the only reason it was funny) A man crashed his plane by the Dumbarton Bridge. He escaped without injury. Really? He crashed his plane and walked away from it? Menace is the only person we know who has NO money, who stays at a hotel because he can. Hotels rule by the way, you can destroy things and not have to worry about it, and Greg's favorite part, you can use the towels and just throw them.

Ask The Woody Show: One of our listeners found this story, last November a teacher at an

elementary school, got out his electric razor and asked his students to help him to shave his beard. After 3, 8 year old girls asked to help, he said he wanted them to use the event as a starter as a writing assignment and also if the kids told their parents what happened with the shaver, they wouldn't be allowed to participate in the Christmas party. The girls have asked to be transfered out of the class but the teacher isn't in trouble and the parents are pissed! Is this a big deal??

--The main problem with this, and we all agree, when he said "don't tell your parents" is where he made the mistake.

News with Greg:

> January 20th is the day that we all start riding unicorns to work. Yep, that is inauguration day. Instead of the tax payers paying for it, the Obama's are paying the bill themselves. This turned into a discussion on how they should make a show where

they redecorate their entire house just like the White House.

> In Missouri, a 40 year old woman was charged with first degree assault after she said that she wanted to kill her husband then dumped a couple things of Visine in her husbands drink.

> The guy that won the $500,000 prize at a convention standing together against rape, is A 3 TIME SEX OFFENDER. After taxes he is taking home $300,000 and he said he is going to donate $100,000.

Sports with Ravey:

> The Titans lost to the Ravens

> The Panthers lost to the Cardinals

> The Giants are now considering hanging onto Plaxeco Buress

> The Steelers beat the Chargers! The Chargers had 1 offensive play in the 3rd quarter, and it was an interception.

> Warriors got a big win over Indiana

> Sharks play Tampa Bay tomorrow at the Tank.

Stupid Human Story: This woman named Linda, got her car stuck on some train tracks. Instead of getting out of her car, she sat in the car and called 911 to tell them that she couldn't get her car to go forward or backwards, but she didn't listen. While she was on the phone with 911 she was hit by a train and she died.

Ravey's Music and Entertainment Report:

> Grand Torino took in $29 million this weekend.

> Slumdog Millionare cleaned up at the Critics awards

> The Wrestler won best actor award

> HBO dominated the television awards

> My Chemical Romance singer is auctioning off his comic which is autographed

> Soda Toys is releasing plush Fall Out Boy talking dolls that have 4 sayings recorded that play when you squeeze their bellies.

> The 5 stars of "How I Met Your Mother" have received some huge raises. $20 - $25 thousand per episode

Final Word: Comes from Actor, Daniel Craig who said that he could never play the Oaisis

guitar player, "That's ridiculous, I play guitar way better than Noel so I don't know how that would work out."

Random Stories:

> Update on a story. These kids were going though a paper and saw in the obituary that this girl had died. They thought that she was hot and they wanted to have sex with her. They then went to the cemetery to dig her up to have sex with the body. First they grabbed condoms...morons. The charges were dropped because necrophilia wasn't illegal at the time but the charges have been back up. They were arrested but they are now claiming that they had been arrested illegally.

> In Rhode Island 2 high school boys had tried to get to school on time. These kids stole a car just to get to school on time.

> Woman experience the miracle of "beer goggles" more powerfully and for more time, than men.

Crunkin' and Drunkin' Stories:

> Loud music makes you drink more and faster. Research shows that beer drinkers who were in quiet bars drank less.

> In Florida, a man fired his gun into a pond several times, until he puked, and decided he felt better. He was charged with misdemeanor use of a fire arm (30 shots) and using a weapon while under the influence.

> A bus driver made an unexpected stop to a liquor store and asked the students to hide her purchases in the bus.

> A 17 year old girl called 911 to report.... that's right.... herself. She called herself in for drunk driving.

> A woman was trying to avoid a drunk driving charge. When she was getting pulled over she put her 15 year old in the driver seat. The mom blew a .246. Holy Ish.

Dumbass Contest: Ipod Challenge Woody VS. Tony

#1. Courtney in Livermore: 2 for 2!! Winner!

Katie: 1 outta 3

Menace: 0 for 12948373

What Would Happen If.....? ("FINAL-EFFING-LY"- GREG)

> What would happen if I dropped a penny off the empire state building?: If you dropped a penny off the empire state building perfectly, but it wouldn't kill you, and you could probably catch it if you wanted. BUT if you dropped a pen, it would fall at 200 mph and would spear someone.

> What would happen if I put foil in the microwave?: It makes sparks and it wouldn't heat the food because the waves bounce off the foil.

> What would happen if I save all my money in my mattress?: you're money would stay the same, you'd get no interest.

> What would happen if I got shocked with heart paddles?: your heart could stop then you'd have to get paddled again. It feels like getting hit in the chest with a baseball bat.

> What would happen if I never turn off my computer?: The less you turn your computer on and off the better.

> What if I never cut my hair? : your hair will only grow so long, so it won't end up growing forever.

> What if I never changed the oil in my car?: it would harden your engine and basically shut your car down.

> What if I stuck my finger into a gun barrel?: You'd lose your finger and part of your hand.

> What if I cooked something at 700 degrees? : you'd burn it, period.

> What if I left my seat reclined on the plane?: you could get whip lash

> What if you drank gasoline?: you'd need to get help, but if you only drank a little bit you should be ok but a little sick.

> What if I touch jumper cables together: you could cause a huge spark. duh.

> What if I make a citizens arrest?: you can't physically touch them and you can be charged with battery if you harm them.

News Round Two, with Greg Gory:

> Times are tough, for everyone, except prisoners. He said that the prisoners deserve a holistic lifestyle. They are going to spend $8 million on these people. They'll have gyms, basketball courts, game rooms, music rooms, etc. THEY ARE IN JAIL, DOES NO ONE UNDERSTAND THIS?!?!?!

> This guy killed his wife and children by cutting their hearts out. Right before his trial he poked out his eye to appear unstable. He went through the

trial, got sentenced to death, and while in jail he poked out his other eye.... and ate it!

> Congrats to Paul and Kara Brooks who got married this weekend.... At Taco Bell. The bride wore a hot pink dress that was $15. The whole wedding cost them a total of $200.

> HOLD THE PHONE EVERYONE: Woody saw the slider cooker at Target this weekend. You don't need this, it is the dumbest thing ever, until we heard Tony say this. Tony used his Macy's gift card and he buys a quesadilla maker. Are you effing kidding me??

Tony is in quite the "pickle"... Don't get it? Click HERE then click "Archives" and go to 8:55 am

Bad Babysitting Stories:

> There was a 5 year old who had a babysitter who collapsed. The babysitter fell over and was unconscious. This child then called 911 and was very calm and collected on the phone. This child was awesome.

> An angry 4 year old grabbed a gun from the closet and shot his babysitter because the sitter accidentally stepped on his foot.

Random Ruling Story:

> Alien hunters set up a service where they will shoot your message into space for $20. They do this with hopes that an alien will text them back. Check it out here!

Crap On Celebs:

> Paris Hilton made a song about being in jail. She sucks.

> Kanye West can sing. It's horrible. He wants less fans anyways. He wants to pose nude too....Gross.

> Brad Pitt, who is in the new movie Benjamin Button, owes his peaceful relationship to his latest film. "Me and Angie don't fight anymore."

> If you haven't seen it, Ryan Seacrest got BURNED by Brad and Angelina at the Golden Globes. Check it out HERE!

Porno Birthday: Her name is Cherokee this slut has starred in 207 amazing films including "9021 Hoe" and "Bare Back Mounting" She is 27.

Tony's Just a Headline: "Judge Judy Beats Oprah."