And Put Some Chickens On Derre....Shooooo

Woke up again this morning at 2:30 ish. Whats the deal with that? No idea. I just can't wait to get my starbucks right now and get a jolt of energy. I've discovered that the "parking enforcers" are out to get me. Caca. My goal today: Not to get my car towed.

Todays Intern: Sarah the Super Speller

Ultra Early Conversation: Signal in San Jose, where our ratings are the strongest, is no bueno. Poll: Signal in San Jose - Rate it 1 to 5. 1 means it sucks-5 means it rules. Result: 74.5% - 5 (Rules)

Greg doesn't understand why SF doesn't like us. Ravey had a roller coaster day yesterday. Bad news and broken glasses. She turned it around by having a great Angel Sushi dinner. We also discovered how Ravey hates all interns- new and old. Greg got a creepy email from a listener who wanted the show to go to his daughters birthday, where she was trying to raise money to sponsor an animal in the zoo. Greg couldn't go because of other things going on. This particular person in the email just basically said, "Sorry you couldn't make it, but seriuosly go ahead and send us a check for $1000." Crazy? I think so. 9 ways to improve your karma: 1. take loose change, put it in a coinstar machine, and donate the money to a non-profit organization. 2. Stop talking about how your thighs are jiggly, how your hair is too curly, and face is wrinkly. Be nicer to yourself. 3. Forgiveness is the 401 Karma. Take a breath when the waiter forgets your drink. 4. Stop with the "I told you so's" 5. Limit yourself to 3 compliments a day. 6. Know the names of the people you see at least once a week. 7. Teach your kid to tie a shoe lace. Teach things that took you a long time to learn. 8. Help out a stranger. 9. Treat yourself to the brownie Sunday. Sugar helps your mood. Tony feels his karma is improving, he was very charitable this weekend.

"You never know what homeless dude is going to be Jesus"-Tony

This week on The Woody Show: Win a pair of tickets to both days of The Treasure Island Music Festival @ Treasure Island on Saturday-Sunday Sep. 20-21!!

*Muse is Huge Discussion*

Something that bugs - When a band or musician isn't on ITunes. WTF?

News Comin at Cha:

> Democratic Convention underway. Led off by a speech from Obama's wife in which she talked about her patriotism and she included a tribute to our favorite, Hilary Clinton. Kennedy followed with a speech. Obama's kids are annoying as hell. By the way. *Woody gave out his idea of the invention of the astronaut helmet that is soundproof. So when the kid cries you can't hear it. Named: Serrenity Dome*
> Authorities are looking into a 28 yr old man who had rifles, bullet proof vest, and ammo in his car thinking he may have a threat against Obama.
> Washington - Kids will now be payed $100 a month for good behavior. Kids can earn up to 50 points and be payed BY THE SCHOOL $2 for each point. What happened to the smile stickers, gold stars, and candy??

Sports News:

> A's beat the angels 2-1

> Giants lost to Colorado 4-2
> Monday night football - Chargers beat the Seahawks

> Chargers Sean Marymen - Tore his lateral ligament. Marymen is trying to avoid season ending surgery.

> Patton Manning is going to take some snaps this week. He is recovering.

>This turned into a sexual report. Sacks, labiums, etc. Craziness.

> There was a lot of laughing...including me. I'll catch it next time.

We had some random music talk. We found out that Mother Effin Brian is no longer with LIVE 105 and he is now working at a radio station in Sac Town. Claps to him! :-) Then we rocked out to some more new Metallica!!

Emails from the Peeeeeps:
> Giovanni says: Loves us! Claims we are all different with different opinions but enjoys hearing both sides. Thinks everyone is good looking. Claimed to love us 30 more times.
> Josephine says: Vomiting and tooth decay discussion. Says Greg was so wrong about waiting 30 minutes to brush your teeth. The longer its there the more damage it will do to your teeth.

> Derek says: We kick ass. Woody is a genious (haha funnnnnny..Ravey was off board at this point.) Ravey is a kick ass chick (Ravey is back on board now) , Greg is the bomb, Tony is just there but good job, and Menace is something to be "put up with"

> John says: At the Good Guys car show they saw The Bone tent--Saw Lamont and Tennelli and asked where Woody and Ravey were. Kudos John!!

> Jim says: The thought of putting a chip in a kid would make the child think that they were never trusted. Wants to know if anyone on the show is actually a "parent"

>Woody responds: "Trust Shmust. Kids are Kids" Wise words Woody.

> Jim then responds asking: Don't the parents need to earn the trust of the kids? Thinks we should stick to: chest sizes, lowest IQ, sex positions, etc.
Menace doesn't even understand why we are talking about kids, because they suck.

Dumbass Contest: The Ipod Challenge

Contestant #1: Miguel from Fremont--went 2 outta 3 for the Win!!
**We're all baffled by the fact that Menace has never heard Desperado**
Then I got put to the test and came out with the win with 4 outta 5! Gooo meeeee!!!

This was followed by a Bon Jovi rock out session. Best rock session EVER!!

Ravey's Music and Entertainment Report:

> There is a 4th American Idol judge named Kara DioGuardi...who no one has ever effing heard of.

> Where in the world is Osama Bin Laden is the latest documentary
> Out today the 2nd release of Nightmare Before Christmas

> Rage Against the Machine had a lot of crowd problems in England. They had to stop the show becasue fans were being crushed and had to talk to security.

> Rock Revolution is coming to a console near you. Sounds sickkk!!! Guitar and Drum and will allow players to create their own song.

> Batman rumor: Cher is going to be playing Cat woman next time around.

> Brittney Spears will not be performing at MTV Awards

> Hillary Clinton is featured tonight at the Democratic Convention
Final Word: A spokesman for McCain: John McCain was shown in a Madonna montage with the likes of Hitler. "It was outrageous and unacceptable"

Things that Prove that Drugs are Bad:

> Man smokes crack, sets fire to an apartment, and spits on cops when they arrive.

> Washington- At at ATM a woman dropped off an envelope with money and a bag of meth.

> Texas- Women are now slipping guys the date rape drug, and when the guys pass out the women are stealing their stuff.

> Texas- A 28 yr old got arrested for crack. When they stripped him down he reached into his crack...pulled out some crack....and started eating it. He ate it all before the cops could stop him, they rushed him to the emergency room and he died shortly after from the overdose. This was the 20th time since 1997 that he has been booked. Idiot.

> Texas- 26 yr old driving a rental truck with almost 200lbs of weed in back. Got caught for not having his head lights on. again...Idiot.

Story of a Man who is So Scared of his wife:

>This man beat the hell out of himself and claimed it was an armed robbery and broke his own jaw because he was so scared of his wife finding out about his gambling losses.

Stories of Cover Up's:

> Woody found his step dad's porno,but before he looked through it, he took a hardcore mental picture and would go to extremes to make everything JUST as it was.

> Ravey never really went to lengths to cover up. She'd just lie. In High School she was afraid of speaking in front of people and she would skip class to avoid speeches. Would hide out in the principals office.

> Menace had a friend who turned into an ultra douche who came into town and asked if he could stay with Menace. To avoid it Menace slept in the Fry's parkinglot for 2 days.

> Some stories from the listeners of running from the cops and hiding for hours, faking a drug problem to avoid getting fired, broken arms that had to fake weren't broken, faked own kidnapping, and broke the attendance bored to skip class.

> Greg would steal cigs and to cover it up would rub lemons on himself to avoid getting caught.
> Tony would take his grandma's cigs and blow it into a toilet paper roll with dryer paper and smoke into it so no one would smell it.

> I got my nose pierced and tried to hide it. and apparently I cant hear myself talk and I mix my words up. oh well. I'm a tard.

News round 2:

> 56 yr old man arrested for sexually assulting a bride's made. The girls were gettin massages and one girl came out upset and that she had been assulted. Maybe she did the booty lift move on accident.

> University of Michigan a studied showed that people who weren't in a committed relationship offered gifts or favors for sex.

> Texas- A 5 year old girl was offered up for sex.

> US Department of Health offered up some tips how to not get bullied. 1. Make friends with nice kids 2. Look into musical talents 3. Report Bullies 4. Know that home is always the safest place. These tips are like putting a sign on kids backs that says "please pick on me"

Sports Story:

> 9 year old Jericho Scott has a fastball that tops out at about 40 mph. He throws so hard that the Youth Baseball League of New Haven told his coach that the boy could not pitch any more. He was too good?? Really? Jerks....

Crap on Celebrities:

> Once again Brittney Spears will NOT be performing at the MTV Awards. Her manager said she will not be there because she is too busy.

> Diddy is really hurting by gas prices... wah.

> Andy Dick isn't facing charges for his supposedly pulling a girls top down.

Crappy Birthdays:

Chris Burke- 43

There were 2 more but I missed them! :-(

Porno Birthday: Ashley Nicole - 42

What We Learned Today:

Woody: Jesus sells like nuts and that 98 rock is hiring Mother Effing Brian means they will hire anyone.

Tony: Ravey is going on a Homeless hugging spree to improve Karma

Ravey: Madden woke up in a cold sweat when he heard the show playing Bon Jovi

Menace: Learned what a back pocket is and learned about Desparado.

Greg: To get booted from a sports league all you have to be is be too good.

Katie: I should be nicer to homeless people considering that one of them is Jesus

Tony's "Just a Headline": "Man Nearly Drowns in Mowing Accident"