I'm Not There but You Peeps Need Your Blog

I am currently out sick, Sarah is covering for me. I have strep....but apparently it was bad enough to get my doctor to go "holy sh....crap." anyways. I'm in too much pain to sleep right now, so I decided to sit on my butt in bed and watch the show via www.justin.tv/thewoodyshow. To kill time I figured I'd still blog, so let's do this!!

Today's Intern: Lauren who rules!!!

Talk-a-lakin: There was some crazy partying at Ravey's last night. Ravey was hella excited about the game and she couldn't sleep, but then she turned on The Hills and went into a coma. Homeless Jose won't leave, he now has moved in, including leaving his duffel

 bag on her porch. Homeless Jose was screaming at Ravey's cab driver telling him "You're not picking up anyone here!!!" He then continued to scream at Ravey who had grabbed her mase. What a Psycho. Chris the douche bag in appt 1 is now homeless Jose's personal bitch. For some reason the homeless douche is getting the same amount of protection that Ravey would get.  Tivo made an announcement yesterday that stated soon you will be able to set your

 computer to be a Tivo.  You will be able to save your shows and burn them to DVD. Saweeet. This goes on sale October 15th. Go to http://www.tivo.com/ for more info. A Japanese company has developed a wearable airbag that pops out when they fall. $1685.00 .... hella worth it. Party at Ravey's for the game last night. Menace couldn't have been any less interested. They had the Wii which made Menace all happy inside, Woody kicked ass at the ski jump, and now Jen wants a wii. Greg was crunking it up hard core. Greg has been the super angry man lately. We then talked about the biggest divorce settlement. Rupert Murdoch's divorce settlement was $1.7 billion. holy ish!!

Important Sperm News!!:

> Anti depressants could harm male fertility

> Porn is good for your swimmers

There are bets going around about when Jen will get Knocked up. 

Ravey says January

Greg says December

Menace says Febuary

Tony says April

Woody thought I was out sick with AIDS...Thanks Woody...Suck it.

News with Greg:

> House voted against the Bail out agreement. 

> Prosecution in robery case against OJ Simpson rested its case yesterday. Michael McClinton said that Simspon asked him to bring guns along and to "look menacing" Simpson says he never saw a gun and he denied any wrong doing. hella shocking

> Last Sunday in Indiana, this guy is woken up by screams coming from his 17 year old daughter. So he jumps out of bed, runs to her room, where he finds 52 year old, convicted sex offender David Myers, holding a knife, some rope, and a bunch of condoms. Myers also was naked at the time. The dad then started beating the holy crap out of him and by the time the cops got there, Myers was dead. F Yeah!!!! Good job pops!! He is not going to face any charges because he was defending his family!! That rules even more. 

Douche Bag of the Day: 18 year old Nicita Wise, hired 2 hitmen to kill his mom. Why?? Nicita

 wanted to sell his mom's car and take her money out of her bank account to buy his girlfriend new boobs. When the 2 hitmen attacked the mother with baseball bats, she got away and went to the hospital. The 3 face charges of conspiracy to commit first degree murder and are being held on $50,000 bail. If convicted they could get life in prison. Good. Stupid Morons. 

Dumbass Contest: (For Oasis Tickets): Today's Contest is "Who Said It??"

#1. Jeremiah in SF - 2 outta 3 WINNER!! Good Job Jeremiah!!

#2. E in Santa Clara - 0 outta 2 No Win

#3. Joe in Holister - 1 outta 3 No Win

#4. Sal in San Leandro - 1 outta 3 No Win.

#5. Homberto in San Jose - 0 outta 2 No Win.

#6. Pat in SF - 2 outta 2 WINNER!!! Good Job Pat!

Weird ways to die....unluckiest people evverrrrrr:

> A girl who was going to pop out of a cake, suffocated and died before she could do her performance.

> A hiker got a tortus dropped on his bald head because the eagle who was carrying the tortus thought that the guys head was a rock.

> A guy who was obsessed with his smell doused himself a couple times a day and had some on hand at all times. His body absorbed too much and killed him due to heart failure.

> A guy at Great America went to get his wife's hat that had fallen off and while doing so, got a kick to the head by a Top Gun Rider.

> There were some crazy death stories from callers: Some lady beat her kids and put them in the freezer, mixed chemicals in the toilet, porcelain hit the guy in the head and killed him, etc. 

Pointless Poll: What Would be the Worst way to die?

Animal: 7.1 %

Buried: 27.1 %

Drowning: 12.9 %

Fire: 37.1 % #1 worst way to die.

Freezing: (didn't give the percentage) Tie for Last

Hanging: (didn't give the percentage) Tie for Last

Murdered: 4.3 %

Starving: (didn't give the percentage)

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Rage against the Machine's -Tom Morello will be releasing his solo album soon.

> Iron man out on DVD today

> Forgetting Sarah Marshal also out on DVD today

> Travis Barker was released from the burn center yesterday. Travis is in good condition, and is on his way to L.A. by bus and that he will never fly again.

> Guns and Roses new CD release on Nov 25 through Best Buy Only

> Paris Hilton's show Be My New BFF starts tonight.

Final Word: Dennis Quade is mad at his Wife Meg Ryan - Is mad that she is still re hashing the development of the relationship.

We have a Ring tone section at live105.com Download our "Live Life and Party"

http://www.myxertones.com/artist/1553707/

Woody has the live life and party ring tone, Jen thinks he's an ego-maniac 

Talked to Jen- tried to get some answers as to why she hates grade the show and why Woody's shoes are Angst. Jen is adorable. 

News Round 2 With Mr. Gory:

> New crime fighting program in Oakland. The goal is to focus on intervention services

> The S. Dakota Supreme court is focusing on whether yelling profanities at police officers is 

disorderly conduct or if it is an issue of free speech. 

> News with Woody: A hug has landed an Iowa city guy in trouble. This guy thought a cop needed a hug. Tried to give the cop a hug, and was charged with assault. 

> Landlord tried to find a way to get rid of a guy who was living in the apartment. The best idea he could come up with was putting dead cats and using their smell to drive out the tenants. Our main question: Where the hell did he get dead cats???? We searched Craigslist but had no luck.

Sports with Ravels:

> Al Davis met with the coaching staff of the Raiders about replacing the coach Kiffin.

> Steelers beat the Ravens 23-20

> Jets - Smith has been sewed for the hit on Anquan Boldin

> Sharks lost to Phoenix last night

Guess the State (for Cheech and Chong Tickets): Last Monday a 55 year old named Greg was arrested for using an underwater camera to take pictures of the girls underwater in the pool. 2 families who had police officers in them were at the pool and noticed him. When they confronted him he tried to hide the camera in his shorts.

#1. Leon in Oakland -Florida - NO WIN

#2. Carlos in San Jose - Pennsylvania - NO WIN

#3. Blake in San Jose - Wisconsin - FOR THE WIN!!!

Doug Benson will be in tomorrow...GET EXCITED! LOVE THAT GUY!! and a new format for Got Game with Steve Masters!

What We Learned:

Ravey: Learned that she is no longer afraid of freezing to death because it is peacful.

Menace: didn't learn anything.

Greg: OJ just has a horrible Memory

Tony: He has porno to thank for Dean

Woody: Ravey's fall back career is a Nun Slut

Sarah: Learned to not do a Mott.

Tony's Just a Headline: "Police detain horse over stolen car"

Yucky.

I'm sick. This sucks. I totally jinxed myself. I feel like Crappppppppppppppppppppp.

Today's Intern: Sam

Talk Talk Talk: Ravey had a rough Saturday. She wasn't feeeeeling so good. Hella Hungover. Friday was our first day of Suck It in 08. It was an estimated 400 people who showed up. Tour Stop #2 is at Blakes 

in Berkeley. We saw Critical Mass for the first time on Friday 

as well. 

These dumb douche bags on bikes hold up the streets. We had

 some Muhammed talk, which seems to be Tony's specialty. A man was fined for driving a motorized cooler while drunk. We were excited about the motorized cooler.

Mother Effin Brian is a "Content Supervisor" which means he is in control of the dump button.

Emails from the People:

> Chris in Stockton - hates the Music on the show.
> Rachel in Fremont - She plays games with guys for free drinks. Menace thinks its effed up.

> Aaron is sick of girls who wear wonder bra's and things that 

make them look better than they really look.

Women are using a lot of trickery. Bra-stuffers.....

Happy Happy Story Time:

From Indiana, a family goes to church, afterwards they were all in the parking lot when a 4 y

ear old got hit and run over by a mini van that her grandfather was driving.

News With Greg:

> Pumpkins are going to be super expensive due to early rain and a dry August.

> Woody got the IPhone.

Sports:

> Brett Farve only had 6 touch down passes

Dumbass Contest: Woody Show Password.

#1: David in Foster City - Team Menace/Woody For The Win!!

#2: Patrick in Alamo - Team Ravey/Greg

Bad Days:

> A guy got in an accident while pulling up to his house, the wife ran outside to make sure he was ok but she left the stove on. The house burned down due to her leaving the stove on. The cops then wrote him a ticket for failing to yeild.

> Dude got hit by a train and then 

was going to get cited for

 tresspassing.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Paul Newman Died last night

> Shilah Douche has the #1 in the box office with Eagle eye.

> Shows on Thursday nights have had huge drops in ratings

*The phones blew up here, sorry but I missed the rest of it.*

Top Ten Worst Songs to hit the Charts: from www.spike.com/blog/top-10-worst-songs/68721

1. James Blunt - You're Beautiful

2. Los Del Rio - Makarahna

3. Spice Girls - Wanna Be

4. Baha Men - Who Let The Dogs Out.

5. Daniel Powter - Bad Day

6. Right Said Fred - I'm too Sexy

7. Backstreet Boys - I Want it That Way

8. Bobby McFarren - Don't Worry Be Happy

9. Prince - Bat Dance

10. Rick Ashley - Never gonna give you up

News Round Two:

> A Hazing incident, stuck an apple pie box up some 6th grade kids area where the sun doesn't shine.

> Iowa department of Public health, A lady who makes her coffee every night before she goes to bed, found a dead bat in her coffee filter.

Guess the State: a 40 year old man made a bet with his friends about whether his 1

5 year old son would have sex with a woman.

#1. Joe in Morgan Hill- Florida for the win!!

**We had some massive talk about Suck It in 08' in San Jose!!**

What We Learned:

Woody: Woody knows his inches because he's into 2 and a half man

Ravey:

Greg:

Tony: Menace will soon be wearing a girdle

Menace: Greg is goign to stew all day about losing password

Katie: Boob pads known as Chicken Breasts

Suck It in 08' starts NOW!

I was convinced that I could go 5 days straight with 3-4 hours of sleep a night. OH god was I wrong! Anyways, the guy who invented caffiene is amazing! Let's get this party started.

Today's Intern: Miss Andrea

Hella Chit Chat: Everyone is hella excited about the Friday Song Challenge. Today's word is Scruptious. :-) Everyone is hella excited about San Jose tonight! We have 6 stops and only 300 T-shirts. We will have 50 Shirts at each stop, and in order to get a T-shirt you have to make at least a $20 dollar donation which will go to the LRF. How cool is that? David Blane is blaming George Bush for ruining his "Dive of Death" This guy should be on the "Biggest Douche Bags" list.
We talked about how Menace and I went to McDonalds. My friend is hott, but back off you can't have her, you creepers.

--Funniest Sleep Train Commercial Ever--

News With Greg Gory:
> It is still unknown if McCain is going to cancel his campaign.
> According to new CBS 5 pole -- people in the bay area want the law of gay marriage to be left alone: Prop 8 would eliminate gay marriage.> A man in Germany was unable to reach an orgasm during a $44 oral. He is blaming her for taking his $$ even though he didn't orgasm.
Sports with Miss Ravey:
> Woody show brought their good luck to the Giants....they lost
> Mets came up with a big win against the Cubs> Minesota Twins finished off a sweep last night> Steve Young is about to be the 11th player to have his # retired from the SF 49ers
> Upset in College football - USC lost to Oregan state last night
> Sharks play the Ducks in a pre season game tonight

Who Friggin Cares:> Amish population in the US has nearly doubled> They have an average of 6 children per family.

Dumbass Contest: First lines from songs you're sick of.
#1. Josh in Pinole - 0 for 2 No Win!
#2. Sean in SF - 0 for 2 No Win!
#3. Derrick in Hayward - 1 out of 3 No Win!
#4. Bruce in Manteca - 2 for 2 for the WIN!!! Good Job Bruce!

Everyone is excited about the Friday Song Challenge again. This week is Cheesy 80's 

Songs

Whoooooops:

> Some tragic gun stories
> A kin

dergardener went around and was poking other kids with a needle

Who Knew:
8 Food Myths Busted
1. Certain Foods Can Burn Fat? False
2. 6 small meals better than 3 square meals. False
3. Fresh Fruit and Veggies are more nutritious than if Frozen. False4. Decaf coffee has no caffiene False
5. Margarine better than Butter? False
6. Bananas are fattening? False
7. Cravings are your body's way of telling you that you need something. False
8. Cooking veggies will cook the vitamins right out and destroy the nutrients. False

>According to statistics, 15% of car accidents are due to texting and phone use> The Germans call the "Tramp Stamp" "Ass Antlers"
> An estimated 5-10% of girls age 18-35 have dark / black on their face, chest, stomach, back, etc.> Only 2-5% of kids are actually gifted.

Ravey's Music and Entertainment Report:
> Sheila Douche - Eagle Eye is in Theatre Today. Unintentionally funny and completely retarded
> Choke, who sent everyone anal beads, comes out today
> Kid Rock will be launching his own beer next year.
> Steven Tyler is filing a lawsuit against 20 Jane Does for impersonating him on the intern

et
> I missed the rest of it.

Random Stories:

> Police in Oakalahoma city, stopped because there was a 3 year old carrying a baby bottle filled with beer.
A lot of booze talk and there is crazy ammounts of callers. Sorry I missed some of it
> A girl drank 6 different types of Alcohol and her face swelled up to the size of a soccer ball and the doctor said it may never go down.

Pointless Poll: Drunk Dialing VS. Drunk Texting
> Drunk Dialing is worse but a lot of people feel that drunk texting sucks too.

Chris in Pacifica has won to go to New Orleans! Good Job Chris!
News Round 2:
> San Francisco is still continuing with the Cigarette Ban
> Some guy got his pee pee amputated without his concent.

Jan Wahl is in the Hizzzz-ouse!
> Greg is super hott. Jan wants to do him.
> There was some sex talk with Jan.....*Crickets*........uhhhhh....yeah
> Burn after Reading aparently ruled.
> New Mean Girls, Grease, and Naked Gun will be coming to DVD

CRAPPY BIRTHDAYS:
> Serena Williams - 27
> Wiloford Brimley - 74
> Hillary Duff - 21
> Mark Hamill - 57
> T.I. - 28

PORNO BIRTHDAY: Missy - 400 fine films such as: Anal Jepardy and Say Aloha to My A-Hole-a. She is 41

The Friday Song Challenge:
Woody: Milli Vanilli - Girl You Know It's True
Tony: Peter Setara - Glory of Love
Ravey: Journey - Anywhere You Want It For the win!!!
Greg: Level 42 - No idea what the songs called
Menace: Huey Louis - Hip to be Square

What We Learned:
Ravey: Can continue to eat the hell out of bananas
Menace: You should never go to the doctor because you might lose your penis
Greg: Learned that you can crunk it up with a 4 year old
Tony: Menace thinks girls are icky
Woody: Learned that the answer to the chicken or the egg
Katie: They are going to have fun with Chris in Pacifica.

A Swift Kick to the Balls

I was drinking Dasani water last night, and some girl in my class goes, "You know there is HELLA salt in that?" .... Really? I can't taste it therefore I don't care, thank you.

Today's Intern: Mike is in the Houseeeee

Talkity Talk Talk: Mitchell Brothers were super hot and they were very good to Menace and Tony. Promotions at the strip club beats the promotion at Live 105. Tony got pink eye at the strip club last night. Apparently Dave had a fit about the image that The Woody Show going to the Strip Club gave Live 105. Some girl claimed to know Menace, turns out Menace got wasted and decorated her Christmas tree. We're going to the Folsom Street Fair which is where guys make it rain in any way that they can. Gross. The Folsom Street Fair is an effing mess. The people who attend this are crazy. I can't believe the things I'm seeing in these pictures and hearing about it. I will never EVER go to that. There is a calander out there for Ravey. It's Naked Clowns. I really hope Tony was lying right now. About having the clowns ride in the limo with us. goddddd.

http://www.nakedclowncalendar.com/

Woody hosts the show, Ravey is the beauty of the room, Menace is the man of many names, Greg is the main man, Tony has been off....well for the past 2 1/2 years, and Me...well...I answer the phones and apparently I want comments on this damn blog.

SUCK IT IN 08' STARTS TOMORROW - 5-7PM AT THE FALAFEL DRIVE IN --

2301 STEVENS CREEK BVD , SAN JOSE

Random story: Some guy got fired and beat the ish out of his boss. Not much more to it....well I'm sure there were a few more details but I missed them....My badddd

Random fact I know you don't care about: I LOVE LOVE LOVE the new Offspring - You're Gonna Go Far Kid song. It rocks the hell out of my world.

News-in the Hell out of this:
> Both McCain and Obama are post poning their campaign buyt innitially it was McCain's idea. This is an awesome thing because one of the two will be President. Take time to learn about what is going on. I do think that they have 2 hours for the debate though. Come on.

> We had a list of what could be done with $700,000,000,000. There was all sorts of exciting stuff

> A man was charged with battery for farting on an officer while being arrested. He loudly farted on the officer and waved it towards the cop.

> We had fart talk. Jen farted and it hung around. Tony farts and can taste it, Greg farts and blames it on the chair, and Menace's farts smell like the inside of a pumpkin. People pay a lot of money for that autumn smell....Menace we may be on to something here.

> Dan in Fremont is going to let Woody work and go up in a 437 ft. Crane. Absolute madness.

Cheri from Las Gatos won the VooDoo Tickets today!! New Orleans with The Woody Show Get Excited!!

Greg Gory's Hate Mail (The meanest ones yet):

> Email Ihategreggory@rocketlife.com Subject: Greg is a little bitch. -- A lot of bitching about hippie-hate and a lot of Douche talking. --Sakora

-- Sakora is so right and Greg is busted. Greg personally took the hippies out of the tree's and he orchestrated the entire thing. Greg also stole the freedom of speech. He is going to do that by putting a ferret in her apartment and have it knaw out her voice box.

> Alex Johnson -- Greg uses no logic and he slants arguments in his favor. Greg is, again, a douche. Having to listen to Greg's opinions causes people to change the station.

-- Greg ripped this guy, called him the longest name I have ever heard. This guy is an idiot and even TONY made a point about this one. Alex Johnson go die in a fire.

Greg's Liberal Hall of Fame: Any one who is angry about the Berkeley Bowl not allowing them to sample food.

Woody and Tony just rapped to the Beastie Boys-- This should never occur again. Please. Thanks guys.

Music and Enterainment Report With Ravey:

> Singer M.I.A. came out of retirement. She pulled a Brett Farve

> Red Hot Chili Pepers are on a break. Thank God.

> McCain cancelled his appearance on David Letterman because he was working on the economic crisis

> Johnny Depp is on board for Pirates of the Carribean 4.

> The Office has some new stuff goin on. Check it out

Final Word: PETA wrote to Tom Cruz and Katie Holmes to be aware of the Armani things that are sent to them because it may contain bunny fur.

Sexy Time Fun Facts:

> A study found that 60% of men have nick named their junk.

www.blogthings.com/penisnamegenerator

Tony: Pee Wee Herman

Menace: Fat Boy Slim

Greg: The Leaning Tower of Pizza

Ravey: King Kong

Woody: Goliath

Katie: Russel the 1 eyed Wonder Muscle

Sexy Time Poll Question: What is the name that you have for your junk?

> Jim in Hayward named his PeePee: Coke Can Jim

> Morgan in Fremont: Named her Boobies: Bob and Boobette

> We had a bunch of weird ones. Strange people out there.

> We talked to Nadine and tried to name her vag and it ended up with people texting in names.

News with Greg:

> Yesterday authorities said that a juvinille and an adult who killed a highschooler to steal his money and his phone. Worthhhh it.

> Soon texting while driving will be illegal. They need to clear up the loop hole that they missed when they made the law the first time.

> Limochris calls in and we had some fun messing with Ravey. Love that guy.

Sports With Ravey:

> Rockies beat the Giants

> Got wrapped up in Cookies from the Roastery. Dammit

> Monte Ellis got hurt on a Mo-Ped

> Sharks lost last night to the Ducks

Dumbass Contest -- Name that Drink:

#1 Peter in SF - 2 for 2 For the Win!!

This wasn't as long as we thought.

What We Learned:

Ravey: Bullies in the bay, they don't take your lunch but in the Bay they take your free speech.

Menace: Should never get so drunk so that you forget that you decorated a Christmas Tree

Greg: Bags of Caca are falling from the sky

Tony: Strip clubs are dirty and the Folsom Street Fair is holesom.

Woody: Tony will eat food at a strip club but wont go on a trip to Mexico because it's too dirty.

Katie: Tony loses his glasses all the time on account of all the girls trying to close them with their thighs

Tony's Just a Headline: " Many Antiques seen at an Old Folks Convention"

Let's Get Ready To Rummmbbbblllleeeee!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Wah.

I played hella soccer yesterday. My feet hurt. End of story.

Today's Intern: Sarrrrahhhhhh is herrrreee-ah. I've missed her. I'm excited that she's here.

We're going to talk the hell out of this morning: Greg didn't watch Dancing With The Stars. Woody took a nap for the first time in forever yesterday but couldn't sleep after. This is why I don't take naps. There was dream talk. Woody dreams he's getting bit by bugs, Menace and the falling dreams, Tony gets sick and better in his sleep, and Menace burritos himself then has to pee. A guy in Wyoming died and in his obituary it said that he didn't get his wish, to get hit by a beer truck on a liqueur run for a date. Butt News: There is a 3 ply roll of tp out there. it will debut this week. SWEEEEEEEEEEEEET. It's ultra soft. Greg needed some of this to solve his mudd butt last night. Woody looks in to this quite a bit. People with hairy butts sweat and then it starts all over. There was some colonoscopy talk. Loving this topic, the callers are very graphic and I'm trying to eat a croissant.

Friday is our first stop for the SUCK IT IN 08' campaign. Falafel drive in in San Jose 5-7pm.

MAJOR HEADLINE!!!!! -- Tony knew that Ravey was on her period. *GasP*

News with President Gory:

> The damn tree sitters are going to have to pay a giant fine. GOOD!!!!! They want $10,000 each from the tree sitters.

> More hippie news. Portland, OR police arrested a girl who was nude inline skating and had some construction workers call and complain.
> Another story from Portland, OR-- A girl was getting her car towed. The guy who was towing it was there and she got all of her friends to surround him and start threatening him. He then locked himself in his truck and called 911 which is when the girl covered his car with gasoline and lit it on fire. Crazy bitch.

Sports With Ravey:

> Chargers won their first game of the season last night against the Jets

> Packers Al Harris has a torn spleen

> A's beat the Rangers in an 11 inning game last night

Dumbass Contest: Rock Band, Race Horse, or Porno Movie

#1. Rob in Nappa -- 0 for 2 No Win!

#2. Carlos in San Jose -- 0 for 2 No Win!

#3. Mike in San Jose -- 2 for 2 Winner!!!

How to tell if you are a douche bag: I can already tell you that I will love this segment
http://www.campussqueeze.com/post/69Ways-To-Know-Youre-A-Douchebag.aspx

> Sun Glasses at Night

> Pervy Dudes

> Guys in Convertables

> Guys in Tall tees

> Dude in shorts in HELLA cold weather

> Dog Tags w/o any type of military service

> Guys who tan so much they are orange

> Guys who go to the club dressed the same

Ravey's Music and Entertainment Report:

> Travis Barker and DJ AM still are in care for their burns. Travis Barker dialed 911 and they

have an audio clip. It is so sad and scarey.

> Sex in the City the Movie is out on DVD today

> Emmy broadcast on Sunday had the lowest viewers .

> New episodes of Privledged and House tonight

> Tonight is the second night of Dancing with the Stars

Final Word: Dane Cook - He is trying to buy the building where he was evicted from (for doggie pooping problems). He's mad because he thinks that being kicked out it will jinx his career. douche bag.

Happy Happy Story Time:

Arizona -- Last Friday a police officer competed in a boxing match against a fire fighter for charity. The police officer was way out matched and ended up dying.

Sausage was Said!!!: Steve in Rohnert Park will be coming on the trip with us!! Luck-eeeeeeee!!

Hella News with Greg:

> They are searching a senators son in the investigation of the hacking of Palin's email.

> An 11 year old stole his foster mom's car. He crashed into a bunch of stuff. Stupid kid.

> Some more stabbing on bus talk. Menace may be doing a bus interview...hopefully that isn't the cause for the next bus stabbing...that'd be a shame.

So it would be sweet if Woody was going to drive a Backhoe to San Jose...With a police escort. And we're douche bags for wanting to take a limo.

It's official. The new Killers song makes me feel like I'm in Abercrombie surrounded by a bunch of 15 year old sluts. I can't wait for the show ban and unfortunately it can't come soon enough.

Go figure, The Woody Show talked Music....yeah....we talked Music. So all you people who say we don't do enough music stuff can suck it.

During commercial Woody played some "water games" with Greg while in the Bathroom. Hilarious

Emails from the Peeps:

> Crazy man Stan- Calls us Gay Lords, Thinks we suck but especially Woody and Ravey.

> Terrance - The signal in the East bay is horrible.....No ish. Where have you been??

> Chris - Has a problem with us saying "retards" would rather us say "idiots"....Really?

> Joyce - Likes the Show, wants Greg to bleach his head because of the sharing of towels with Menace.

What we Learned:

Ravey: The show has never been more disagreeable when it comes to music

Menace: Craig is officially the biggest douche bag in the bay.

Greg: Woody and Ravey take extreme pleasure in making callers sad

Tony: Colon cleansing is much more fun with friends.

Woody: He had like 6 and I didn't hear them. I suck. Sorry

Katie: When a listener requests sensitivity for the word retard, Tony likes to clarify by saying. We don’t mean retards like big tongues and rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Tony's Just a Headline: " Self Crucifiction claimed bad for your health "

Hooray for Monday!!

I know that I'm tired everymorning but this morning it seemed more difficult to get up than usual. But I'm here, I have my coffee and my scone. I'm good to go. Lets Do This!

Today's Intern: no one.....we're all alone...... Lauren came to save the day for a little while. THANKS LAUREN!!!! :-)

Morning Talk: We started today with some Trader Joe's Manderine Chicken talk. We love that stuff. We need 100 bags....now. Word on Ravey's ring: She needs to call them today. We talked about Treasure Island music festival and how much it ruled. We had some Twitter talk. Woody's theory: Menace twitters to get girls to sign up so that he can twitter and make himself look sensative to the ladies. Woody has gone shopping for an iphone and has left w/o one everytime. Woody is ripping on the Koi Pond app for the iphone. Back up Woody, that Koi Pond rules. Listen for the word "Taint" between 7 and 8 am to win tickets to New Orleans with The Woody Show for the VooDoo Music Fest. The T-Man show is officially done. Peace out bluhhhhhd. Terrehhhh.

Wednesday: Tony and Menace will be judging the Mitchell Brothers Lap Dance Contest.
Friday: The Woody Show meet and greet at the Falafel Drive In--2301 Stevens Creek Blvd San Jose, CA-- from 5-7 pm.

News With Mr. Greg:

> Travis Barker and DJ AM are still in critital condition. They we're in a plane crash. 4 out of 6 people died. Travis and DJ AM are both suffering 2nd and 3rd degree burns but are expected to make a full recovery in about a year.
> There was a drum circle in protest of crack down on drum circles, in a farmers market, in Santa Cruz. NO WAY?! A crazy fight and everything took place. Something along those lines.

Sports with Ravey:

**The phones decided to blow up here. I'll try and catch them the next time around.**

The irritation with Tony is that he interrupts everyone. Jeremiah calls in and says that the cluster F that this show can turn into is the best part. So there ya go, The Woody Show, organized or not, is still the best...ever....take that bitches.

During the Traffic report there was news of a truck filled with vodka spilled. Let's get out there with straws guys!!

Random: We just used: Seasoned and Human Poo in the same sentence. Take that. Sprinkled poopers.

Text Poll: Does it look douche-y if we arrive to a listener event in a limo??

> Yes 28.4%

> No 71.6%

Dumbass Contest: Is it a computer term or a medical term?

#1. Jason No Win!

#2. Philip No Win!

#3. Adam in San Leandro No Win!

#4. Alex in San Jose No Win!

**We ended up just giving all the tickets away because no one could answer the questions.**

Uppity is a no good thing to say. News to me. Don't say it. Alan from San Jose calls in and clarifys that "Uppity is fightin words."

They said Taint!!!! Caller 105 is: Bob from San Leandro!!!! CONGRATS BOB!!!!

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Talked about Travis and DJ AM's plane crash
> 60th Emmy Award had some surprises last night.

> 30 Rock won best comedy
> Lake View Terrace was #1 in the box office

> Third season of Heros should be better than season 2.

> Season premire of Dancing with the stars is tonight.

Final Word: Noel Gallager hates Amy Winehouse

Random story with Woody: A 6 year old girl was playing with a jump rope she found in her mothers car. She was fluttering the jump rope out the window when the jump rope got caught on the axel and while the jump rope was tied around her wrist...it pulled so much that it ripped her hand clear off.

News Round Dos:

> Anthony McNight is facing the death penalty. He is Alameda Counties worst criminal. He is already serving a 63 year sentence.

> We had some Reeses Peanut butter talk. Corey from San Jose calls in and tells us that the peanut butter is 2 parts peanut butter and 1 part powdered sugar.

**This sparked a candy talk. Now I want sweets thanks guys...**

Crap on Celebrities:

> Arnold Schwarzenegger got confronted by the media because an old friend claimed they used to smoke weed together. Arnold agreed to it and just said "yeah we had a good time" and left it at that. Good Call.

> Mark Walberg had his baby but the name hasn't been released yet.

> Jenna Jamison is expecting twins.

> Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus want to leave Disney

> Jeff Bridges smokes dannnnnnnk.

> Courtney Love used her myspace to look for a house keeper. Wow. Good idea. (Sarcasm...for those of you who can't tell)

Crappy Birthdays:

> Scott Baio - 47

> Tony Bassel - 65

Porno Birthday: Moana Lisa, 145 fine films such as "It's a Wonderful Sex" and "Live Twin Freaks"... Tony with the Win, she is 38

What We Learned:

Ravey: That you need to be careful at a farmers market because you can get your ass kicked

Menace: That whatchamacallits are nasty now. He sucks at this segment.

Greg: Our listener Tim in the east bay isnt gay and that he has a goatee.

Tony: Tony is officially racist because Ravey is uppity.

Woody: Dog poop and Human poop look the same to Greg. and that the 6 year old girl who lost her hand is going to have trouble showing people how old she is with her fingers later on in life.

Katie: That I need to get on my game and get some manderine orange chicken in the studio stat.

Tony's Just a Headline: 10 Revolting Cocks Executed

My Mind is in Taladega....

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Bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Partied "Hardy" style last night. How I made it here...I have no idea. I have a Vitamin Water, coffee, and an energy drink in front of me. This is going to be a kickass morning.

Today's Intern: Hyphy Mike

Blah, Blah, Blah....: It's Thursday, which is awesome. We got an update on Ravey's ring: an investigation is underway. They called her again, they wanted to establish a timeline, and wanted a better description of the ring. We have a picture of Ravey with a purse (yeah I said it, a purse. Menace claims its a slut purse because it could only carry condoms and makeup) where she is wearing the ring. We'll get to the bottom of this. There was some "beat up massively huge super skank" who was apparently wearing a pink sweater who got on Menace's case for wearing jeans....biotch. This woman was gloating about her sexual skills. gross. We established the better lookin the girl, the less slutty she is because she doesn't need to be. But the uglier the girl, the more she needs to fight to get laid therefore making her a sluuuuuut. Some linebacker girl was trying to get at Greg...luckkkkkyyyyyyy. At the wedding rehearsal Tony and the other groomsmen were playing "I wouldn't F her even if"-- The winning one was "I wouldn't F her even if the cure for aids was in her Vagina." Tony made a dumb comment....yeah its true....shocking I know. We heard the Ravey snoring clip.

Woody's dream of being an air traffic controller got killed yesterday...he's too old.

The Newsiest News Ever (Lets dive into this ish):
> Someone was able to hack a yahoo email account owned by Sarah Palin. She used this email for business and some of the emails were posted on the internet. A group called annonymus took credit.....which isn't credit but whatever.
> At the Republican convention a 29 year old delagate got robbed of $120,000. Who carries that much money? dumby.
> Sagging pants is no longer acceptable in Riviera Beach, Florida...sagging is simply unconstitutional.
> The Hells Angels leader who got killed, was killed by a dude who lives with his parents.

Sports with Miss Ravey:
> Raiders still have a head coach but are down a couple of running backs.
> Vikings have started 0 and 2 and have benched their starting quarterback.
> The Giants lost last night 7 to 6
> Crazies at the A's Game, who won last night

We had some drunken A's game talk. Yes 2 of my friends are in Jail.

Dumbass Contest: Metallica High Low with a dash of Vending Machine Bingo.
> #1 Jesse from Ceres - 2 outta 3 For the Win!! This luckyyy guy gets to play Vending Machine Bingo as well. He choses D-8 and he gets Nestle Crunch Bar. He chose the Tiger Woods PGA 09 Game for the XBOX 360!!
Some stupid tattoo talk. Bar Codes?? Really?? Who does that?

New Show on NBC- Show called lost in the 80's. Its an 80's version of the Wonder Years! I'm on board with that!

Sexy Time Fun Facts:
> 3 in 4 women will get a yeast infection in her life.
> Tips for overcoming embarassing moments
1) Hurt someone? Kiss the injured body part and make it better
2) Have to pee? Use the bathroom when you have too.
3) Body makes a weird noise? Laugh it off
4) Dirty talk not working? YOU start talking like you like it.
5) Bad Breath? Be honest and give them a mint
6) Drunk and Sick? Just pass out and send flowers in the morning
7) Naughty toys take a bad turn? Call 911 and deal with it.

Sexy Time Poll Question: What is something you did that you thought would be cool but it ended up all bad?

> Heating Lube
> Whipped Cream
> Position 54...look it up.
> Icy Hot on Genitals
> Altoids before oral
> Tounge Rings

News Round 2:
> A guy is facing charges for helping his friend commit suicide

Josh Howard dissed the "Star Spangled Banner" during a charity flag football game. Greg doesn't like dahhhht.

What We Learned:
Woody: Letting a random whore pour you a drink while you're wearing a $30,000 watch isn't a good idea
Tony: Learned that wiping the wrong way is much like spacling
Ravey: Learned that she never wants to ride folliculitus up the hill.
Greg: Learned that the Sound of Music isn't about folliculitus
Menace: Learned he has to look up position 54
Katie: Menace can't go anywhere without his leatard.

Tony's Just a Headline: Man Drowns in Lawn Mower Accident.