Want to see it? Stupid question... OF COURSE YOU DO!!!!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Suck it PETA!
It's Hellllla raining! People of course drove 50mph, but then a cop came on the free way and JESUS H, everyone was driving 35mph. I hate that.
Today's Intern: Mike
Bringing the Magic to you Live: Gooooooood Morning! Greg HATES the rain with a passion. Woody doesn't mind it and thinks it's ,"nice". There will be nothing but rain for the next 5 to 7 days. Everyone have those umbrellas ready. Woody gets his new bed today and he is going to take an inaugural nap. Last week, a 72 year old woman retired from her manager postition at McDonalds. Thing is, she got hired at that exact McDonalds 39 years ago. She can retire because her son won a lottery. We tried to get Menace to take off his shirt because he has been working out. This guy Francis, is claiming that he has lost 9lbs simply by flexing his taint muscles. In Las Vegas, a father, shackled his daughter because he felt like she was overweight. When they found her she was beaten and in tears. The father beat her with a wooden stick and chained her to keep her out of the kitchen.
Dumbass Contest: How Well Do You Know The Woody Show?!
#1. Louie in San Jose - 2 for 2! Winner!!!
#2. Jake in Hayward - 0 for 2.. No Win!
#3. Steven in San Jose - 2 for 2! Winner!!
#4. Edgar in Union City - 2 for 2 Winner!!
News with Mr. Greg Gory:
> Menace's head is over heating due to steroids.
> yesterday investigators found what they think may be the remains of a bird in the engine of the plane that crashed into the Hudson
River.
> The American Kennel club just released its 10 favorite dogs:
1) lab
2) terrier
3) german
4) golden
5) beagle
6) boxer
7) doxen
8) bull dog
9) poodle
10) shitzu
10 Most Popular Dog Names:
10) Spatula
9)
8) Sophie Touch and Pee
7) Scuttles Utter Fuss
6) Peanut Wiggle butt
5) Meat Wad
4) Low Jack
3) Raffie Keekie Deekie
2) Serious Lee Handsome
1) Rush Limbark
10 Most Strange Cat Names
10) Toot Uncommon
9) Rosie Posey Prozac
8) Sparkle Monkey
7) 80 bucks
6) Miss Fuzz Butt
5) Snoop Kitty Kitty
4) Buddah Pest
3) Optimus Prrrrrime
2) Sir Licks A Lot
1) Edward Scissor Paws
Douche Bag of the Day: A man showed up at the clerks office at the water company asking for money. When the guy said, "we have no money" When the robber said, "Of course you do! It's a bank!" When the guy realized he was in a water company building, he ran, with no money.
Ravey's Music and Entertainment
Report:
> Massive Snub for the Dark Knight
> Milk was nominated for Best Picture
> Green Day Fan website says that the band may be done with their next record
> CSI is on CBS
Final Word: 5 Finger Death Punch regarding the departure of their guitarist. "It was a mutual agreement between the band and Darrell, we did it as friends and we all remained friends."
They are starting to make engagement rings for guys. They would be made of a titanium band that has a tiny diamond. Cute. Menace makes the point that this is just for the ladies to keep their men on lock down.
Sexy Time Fun Facts:
> 2 security guards from Neman Marcus were fired for having sex at work and getting caught on the security cam. They were fired and now they are having trouble getting hired anywhere
else because the videos are posted where employers can see them.
> A Study claims that women find love making more fulfilling if their partner is wealthy.
Sexy Time Ask The Woody Show: This one is from Mike - Sometime ago he found an amateur porno that he is 99% sure that the girl in the movie is his ex girlfriend. If and ex shows up in one of these videos, do you point it out or never tell her??
Ravey: Definitely tell her
Greg: Angle it like he wants HER to tell him about it. "Do you have something to tell me?"
Tony: Wasn't paying attention. Sorry Ton.
Woody: Would tell her, she needs to know
Menace: Leave it alone
Katie: I wouldn't want to know because I would be overwhelmed and focused on who had it and if it was still out there.
The Fabulous Doug Benson is Here!!!!
He is from VH1 Best Week Ever and Super High Me and he is at Cobb's Tonight!
Text "STANDUP BENSON" to 66333 text over and over and over and over.
Also check him out at www.twitter.com/dougbenson
ALSO check him out on MYSPACE!!!!
Woody Show Would You Rather:
> Mona or Angela - Majority went to Angela
> Facts of Life: Natalie or Jo - Majority went to Jo
> Dynasty: Linda Evans or Joan Collins - Linda Wins
> Flinstones: Betty or Wilma - Betty wins
> Golden Girls: Bea Arther or Estelle Getty - Estelle
> Jeffersons: Weezy or The Maid - Weezy
> Rosane: Darline or Jackie - Jackie
> The Brady Bunch: Marsha or Carol (The Mom) - Marsha
> All the Family: Edith Bunker (Then) or Sally Struthers (Now) - Sally Struthers
News Round 2:
> A lady had to pay for a cab ride with her Ipod because her credit card was declined. The driver called the cops and they said she had to give him something in exchange for the drive.
Sports with Ravey:
> Warriors lost last night to the Thunder
> Jeff Kent is going to announce his retirement from Baseball today
> The McGuire Family Secret is a book that tells all about Mark McGuire's drug use where his brother outs him.
> Tom Brady gave an interview yesterday about his knee surgery. His rehab is going
well...There are good and bad days. There was no return time given.
Some Burger King employees sprinkled 2 police officers burgers with marijuana. They were arrested. and after the cops went back to Burger King to get more food. Getttting!
Crap on Celebs
> Kelly Osbourne was arrested earlier this month because she slapped a gossip column writer
> Girls Gone Wild founder is dating Kim Zolziac (who this is...I have no idea.)
> Macaulay Culkin's sister, Dakota, was struck and killed by a car in Los Angeles this week, police confirm. The 29-year-old stepped in front of a car in West L.A. just before 11 p.m. on Tuesday and was rushed to UCLA hospital with massive head trauma, according to LAPD spokesman Richard French. She died the following day.
> Akon claims to not know how old he is. He lost track of the candles on his birthday cake, and plus in Africa, age doesn't matter.
Porno Birthday: This slut, Brittney Andrews has been in 258 fine films including, "Terms of Enslavement", "Tight Club", "King of the Load" she is 35!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
People Suck.
Gooood Morning. I was running slightly behind today, my shoes weren't all the way on when I got here, my phone isn't working correctly, and we almost forgot about Jessica for Starbucks again this morning. Caca
Today's Intern: Jessica
What is Going On?: Gooooooooood Morning! We always try to share good deals with each other. At Macy's they are having a sale!! Woody got $2100 worth of bedding for only $400. Greg changes his sheets probably once every 4
to 6 weeks. This conversation got grosser and grosser. Airline passenger arrested at an airport in Phoenix because he opened the emergency door to get off while the rest of the people were
leaving through the regular door. A 72 year old man who had eyebrows who were so long that they required brushing. He started a Polio charity for the cutting of his eyebrows. 2 seven year old Indian girls were married to frogs last week. During the wedding the girls were dressed and the frogs were tied to decorated sticks. PETTTTAAAA?!?!? WHERE YOU AT HATERS!?!? Today is the chicken day! Since people thew such a fit, we found a slaughter house and chicken farmers who are going to let Tony play with their chickens and hold them.
News with Greg Gory:
> Obama was sworn in as our 44th president yesterday. Obama already screwed up. Obama kept interrupting. Roberts screwed up the oath and misplaced the word faithfully.
> There were 2,000,000 people there last night and not 1 arrest. Amazing.
> A couple of men were found in a bathtub size cooler bobbing around in the ocean after their fishing boat sank. They had been in that cooler for 25 days.
> An Alabama fire department got their jaws of life stolen the other night. Turns out the Jaws of life
cost $12,000! Why would someone steal that? What the hell?
Sports with Ravey:
> It took a long time for the Sharks to score last night. That
sent them into overtime in which they won 2 - 1 .
> Shark are off until after the allstar game
> The Thunder take on the Warriors tonight at 7:30
> 34% of people watching TV on Sunday were watching the AFC game where Woody and Ravey were.
Stupid Human Story: Authorities say Jason Charles Mielke and his dad were cleaning a muzzleloader found near a dumpster at the apartment complex where Jason lived. A sheriff's
investigation concluded that a breech plug became stuck in the muzzleloader as the two men were cleaning it. As the men used a
torch to heat the barrel around the plug to help release it, the weapon fired off a round, hitting Mielke in the abdomen and killing him.
Music and Entertainment Report:
> Tom Cruise is interested in turning the plane crash on the Hudson River into a movie.
> LOST returns for its 5th season
Final Word: Ralph Macchio talking about Jackie Chan in the new Karate Kid, "It feels good that some people are pretty angry about people trying to remake the Karate Kid."
Email From Our People:
> One of our listeners let us in on this: More people were killed at a Notorious screening than were killed in a plane crash in New York City.
Poll with the People: How Long Will It Take Tony To Kill A Whole Chicken?
A: 5 Minutes - 26.7%
B: 5-10 Minutes - 36%
C: 10-15 Minutes - 16.3%
D. More Than 15 Minutes - 21.1%
Barack Obama Has A Dirty Mouth?!?! - Check out www.obamasoundoff.com
Dumbass Contest: Tony Kills A Whole Chicken!! (Because man, we hate us some
PETA douche bags)
#1. Derrick in San Jose - 2 minutes
#2. Red in SF - 7 minutes
#3. Paul in Sunnyvale - 10 minutes WINNER!! It
took Tony 26 minutes and 20 seconds to eat the whole chicken!!
#4. Josue in
Livermore - 3 minutes
Thats right, we're not killing a chicken, Tony is EATING a ROASTED CHICKEN...you stupid morons. F YOU TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F'ing Losers!!!! SO TAKE THAT PETA. KISS OUR ASSES. Thanks for spreading the word about our show so hard core! You guys got punked, because not only did you raise such hell about our show, but now people across our country have checked out our show and tuned in! Thank you PETA, you just got bitched.
Jail Stories:
>Last month a guy named Jason was arrested for trafficking stolen property. In his cell, they found drugs. They also found syringes, matches,
meth, cocaine, etc. How did he get it in there? Thats right, in his B-Hole!
>A girl took her friend in jail a huge burrito. In the burrito she put heroin and a needle. She was arrested and locked up with the rest of them.
> Police in Missouri said smelled marijuana while leaving their station. Turns out the kids next door to the police station were smoking pot. They went over there and arrested the 18 year olds. Smart guys, smoke next door to the police station....douche bags.
> A lady loaned her car to a guy who was going on a crack run. When she gave up the car, she left her 1 year old son in the back. When the guy got out to get the crack, he left the car running. Then another crack head steals it, ditches the kid, and traded the car for crack.
> A woman used part of a tampon to snort cocaine.
> A british lady was on a flight to Bancock and she was acting strange. When she was investigated they found she was smuggling 260 grams of black tar heroin in her happy place.
News Round 2:
> Obama is starting his first day today. They have already postponed the Guantanamo Bay Evacuation.
> Bart is raising its prices and this started a huge bart talk..
> A 72 year old man named Cristano was found dead in his nursing home after a fight with
another one of the residents. Basically the other old guy, Kenneth, beat Cristano to death.
Steve Masters is Here!!!:
> There is a Wii in the White House! Obama's favorite Wii game is Wii Bowling.
> Make sure to check out
- Street Fighter 4 (Feb 17th)
- GTA 4 Downloadable content (Feb 17th)
- Resident Evil 5 (March 15th)
Guess The State: Police are searching for a shoplifter who got hit by her own get away car TWICE. She robbed a TJ Max and stole several expensive purses. She ran out of the TJ Max went to get in the car and fell and got run over. She then got up jumped on the hood of the car, fell off, and got run over AGAIN.
#1. Peter in San Jose - Pennsylvania
#2. Robert in San Mateo - Ohio
#3. Kyle in Palo Alto - Florida WINNER!
Porno Birthday: Nicki Sterling has starred in 281 fine films including, "6 Degrees of Penatration" this slut is 41.
Justin from Pleasanton called in and shared the greatest link with us ever. Since we all hate PETA check this site out.... www.petakillsanimals.com
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Cluck Cluck
Finally! Sarah is back from Germany! I got free parking.... Hella Rules!!! Today will be very interesting.
Today's Intern: Sarah
What Chu Sayin??: Goooood Morning! It's a big day, inauguration day! It's the egg nog drinking contest and then it is followed with bobbing for apples. This consumer confidence coming from Barak Obama support is going to hopefully be a positive thing. Menace took everything that the show said and dumbed it down for our listeners. They used too many big words for Menace to
understand. This chicken chase contest is raising hell. People are RETARDS!!! PETA, Brave
Birds, Vegan sites....etc are pooping bricks about this contest. We're getting email saying, "How can you guys do this." The topic brought up was that we are having a "Chicken Event" on the day Obama is being sworn in, hence we are being racist. WOW!! JESUSSS! There are plenty of emails for you guys and plenty of mad voice mails from Canada. Anyways, we're going on Woody Show trip #1. - on a blimp. This blimp goes all around the bay. Hell yeah.
By the way, Steelers won! Suck it bitches. The McGahee injury was horrific though. CLICK HERE
World Records:
> Today they are expecting 1 and 2 million people at the inauguration today
> The most porta potties for one event.
> 114 year old LA lady is now the oldest person in the world.... Gertrude Baynes
> A Manhattan man won his 2nd couch potato contest. 18 hours of straight sports tv.
> Most deaths in 2006, a man died 31 times and was brought back. FLAT LINED 31 TIMES!
> In a 15 year career, a girl sniffed 5,600 feet while working for Dr. Scholls.
> Farthest eyeball popper, Kim Goodman, 1 millimeter past her eye socket.
> The farthest Midget toss 11 feet 5 inches.
> Farthest nasal ejection, 7.5 inches
> A guy ate 5 wrist watches in 1 hour and 34 minutes
> Frank the cab driver went 7 months without combining soap and water
> Christine Martin sat in a bath of maggots for 1 hour and 30 minutes.
> Most rattle snakes in mouth - 10 rattle snakes in his mouth
News with Greg Gory:
> Inauguration day is today! Obama is going to have the tightest security ever, a bullet proof Cadillac with fighter jets flying over head.
> a 22 year old women went to jail because a little girl opened her mouth. The police came to the house and a couple answered the door, when the cops asked if the woman was there the couple said no, but a little girl goes "yes she is, she's hiding right here" The woman was arrested.
Sports with Miss Ravey:
> Warriors won back to back games for the 3rd time this season
> New York Jets are going to have a new head coach.
> Steelers won this weekend
> Willis McGahee was slammed pretty hard and ended up with concussion.
> There is now a controversy that when Willis McGahee was down the Steelers were playing party music. Really? This ended in Woody playing a bunch of "oh crap I'm hurt" songs.
Emails from Angry Hippies who Hate Us:
People are all worked up about the Chicken Chase and emailed us to let us know how they feel.... because we care.
> "I have listened to your Alex Bennet show for many years?" Really...Have ya? Too bad that was like 4 morning shows ago, idiot.
> Get creative and try to do something else. Bikini waxing, pepper eating...
etc.
> Dude in a chicken suit, funny. Chasing an already terrified animal and then feeding it meat of its own kind. Not funny. You guys should dress up as chickens and play chicken.
> It's a better idea to flash your nude selves to a school bus. Effing morons!!!
Our New Favorite Websites
www.easyvegan.info
www.peta.org
www.bravebirds.org
> Heard about what you guys are doing with the guy
chasing chickens, in order to mock the inauguration
> From Mitchell in South Dakota - Heard you guys are going to celebrate our next President by chasing live chickens around your studio.
> Jared in SF - Not sure why abusing and tormenting animals on inauguration day is funny but it is
We'll leave this up to you guys: Should we let Tony catch the chickens?
Yes: 91.8%
No: 8.2%
Greg got some awesome voicemail as well.... I'll figure out how to get the audio soon.
News Round 2:
> The swearing in ceremony started this morning. He will be sworn in using the same Bible that they used for Abe Lincoln. He is going to have the most security ever.
> The plane that crashed into the Hudson River, actually had an engine issue. They are investigating it now.
> An 80 year old was hit by a car in San Jose. The driver who hit the lady got out of the car, dragged the old lady's body across the street, left her in a gutter, and left.
We watched the inauguration speech for about 20 minutes
Where Can You Get Free Stuff?
> Dunkin Donuts
> Krispy Kreme
> Starbucks
> TGI Fridays
> Moveon.org
> New Yorker Magazine
> Macys, Dillards, etc.
George Bush's Presidency Numbers:
www.thankyoupresidentgeorgewbush.com -- Write President Bush a thank you letter!
> Number of phone calls the FBI received in the fall of 2001 from Utah residents claiming to have seen Osama Bin Laden: 20
> Percentage of Americans in 2006 who believed that Muslims should have to carry a special ID: 39%
> Percentage of Americans in 2002 who believed that the government should regulate comedy routines that make light of terrorism: 40%
> Estimated total miles Bush has ridden on his bike as President: 5,400 miles
> Percentage of Bush's presidency he's spent at or in route to vacation spots: 33%
> Percentage change since 2002 in the number of teens using illegal drugs: -9%
> Percentage change in the number of adults in their fifties using illegal drugs: +121%
> Number of U.S. cities that have passed resolutions calling for Bush's impeachment: 92
> Percentage change since 2000 in the number of Americans emigrating to Canada: +79%
> Number of press conferences where Bush referred to a question as a "trick": 14
Friday, January 16, 2009
Junk Shockin!!
Worked late and almost didn't wake up on time! Yikes!!! I hate waking up in a panic, but I'm here and we're ready to go!!
Today's Intern: Andrea
We're Never Going To Stop: Gooooooood Morning!!! Greg, as usual, is hella bumbed it's Friday. Woody can't tell if he wants a bigger bed because he's getting fatter or because Jen is a crowder. Menace spends all his money the day we get paid. He hit the gym yesterday! There were hot girls everywhere and he fell off the elliptical. That's a great start Menace. He also bought a Bowflex. Bacon is being used in deserts now. Apparently the
salt and the sweet evens out. There are a bunch of new recipes. Chocolate bacon crunch bar, maple pudding with bacon glaze, etc. Emergency crews had to cut a 700 lb man out of his house when he injured his wrist trying to get out of bed. We mentioned Half Ton Mom again. This turned into myspace talk. The fat girls with the weird angles.
News with Greg:
> US Airways had to make an emergency landing into the freezing Hudson River. Apparently the plane flew into a flock of birds and both engines were shot. After the plane crashed, the pilot walked up and down the isles, not once, but twice. All 150
passengers lived. This actually a good story, considering no one died and the pilot ruled! Watch the Video Here
> At the Alameda County Courthouse in Oakland, former Bart cop Johannes Meserley pleaded not guilty to the murder of Oscar Grant yesterday. Meserley's family was at the 10 minute arraignment, and Oscar Grant's mother and other friends were there wearing T-shirts that read "RIP Oscar." The two families were separated by 9 bailiffs. D.A. Tom Orloff charged Meserley with one count of murder, which legal experts are saying is a highly unusual charge against on-duty officer. The court viewed the video in which they determined that Grant's arms were clearly behind his back. Meserley is being held in Santa Rita jail without bail. He will return to court on January 26th when his bail will be determined.
> In Hammond, Indiana, a 10 year old boy got his tongue stuck on a metal light post. The 4th grader said he was dared by a friend to lick the pole in the 10 degree weather. By the time an ambulance arrived, the boy was able to yank his tongue off the frozen pole and his mom was
given directions on how to car for his bleeding tongue.
Sports with the lover of flying, Miss Ravey:
> Sharks lost last night.
> Eagles are currently the favorites in Arizona
> Pittsburgh and Baltimore, this game is going to be BRUTAL
> Barry Bonds lawyer is back in the court, said that the government is intending to call athletes as apposed to trainers.
David Alan Grier is Here:
> He appeared to be very upset about the Opera budget cuts. He told Menace to shut his pie hole here, he's already ruling.
> He has 4, 15 - 18 lb hams hanging in his wine cellar.
David Alan Grier Will be at Cobb's Comedy Club!!
Friday, January 16th - 8:00 pm and 10:15 pm
Saturday, January 17th - 8:00 pm and 10:15 pm
Sunday, January 18th - 7:00 pm
David Alan Grier is on Myspace as well! Add Him!!!
Music and Entertainment Report:
> A bunch of movies hit the box office this weekend, there is a movie for everyone.
> Fox and Warner Bros. has settled their dispute over the Watchmen movie
> Sam Jackson won't be part of IronMan 2 because he is too expensive.
> March 29th is the release date for Metallica Guitar Hero.
> NBC has renewed "The Office" and "30 Rock"
> Night Rider doesn't look like it is coming back
> 100th episode of Desperate Housewives hits this weekend
Final Word: Jeremy Piven is still defending the rumors about him faking an illness to get out the broadway play, " I've never not completed anything in my life, they pulled me out of this thing and that's the truth. "
We talked some VH1 and MTV shows. Bromance which is the lamest of the lame and Tool Academy which RULES!
Weird Women Stories:
> Some guy is filing a law suit because he feels that the amount of time that girls have to wait to use the bathroom is discrimination. This is so ridiculous
> A woman threw a meat thermometer at her boyfriend and it stuck in him.
> In India, a doctor had an unidentified 27 year old patient. She had complained of running nose, cough, and fever for 6 months. They couldn't figure out what was going on until they stuck a camera down her throat to find that she had a condom lodged in her lungs.
Poll Question: Is women having to wait in line for the bathroom and men not having to
discrimination?
Yes: 6%
No: 94%
Woody: No Way.
Ravey: Thinks Woody is just bashing women because he loves to hate women, she's being a raging bitch today.
Dumbass Contest: Menace Shock (GREATEST CONTEST EVER)
#1. Berney in San Jose: 0 for 2
#2. Jason in San Jose: 0 for 2
#3. David in Cambel: 2 for 3 WINNER!!
What is The One Thing You Won't Do in Front of Someone?:
Woody: Pick a wedgie and vomit
Ravey: Hock a loogie and talk on the phone.
Tony: Vomiting.
Greg: Can't Poop. Doesn't want people to even know that he does that.
Menace: Poop in front of someone or farting.
Katie: Pick at zits or blow your nose.
News Round 2:
> President Bush gave us his farewell address last night. It was a 13 minute speech that looked back over his 8 years in office. He talked about the many achievements, like declaring Afghanistan and Iraq foreign policy successes.
> President elect Obama was interviewed by Katie Couric on Wednesday night. Obama says its no longer essential to U.S. Security to capture Osama Bin Laden.
> In Spain, a prison guard's union said a female stripper performed at a Spanish jail and authorities did nothing to stop it. The stripper did her thing in front of the male inmates. An official penitentiary system called it an inappropriate musical performance and said an investigation will be done to find out who authorized it.
The Hat Lady Liberal Jan Wahl is Here!!:
> The Wrestler got 3 hats. This is the one that Tony wanted to cry during.
> She liked the Slumdog Millionaire movie. The first half was tough to get through but the second half was awesome!
> Next week is the Oscar Nominations.
Crap on Celebs:
> Johnny Knoxville was detained yesterday at LAX for having a grenade, but there was no explosive pin to pull.
> Bara Grills had their third child, Huckleberry Grills
> Will Farrell is on broadway doing a play about President Bush.
Porno Birthday: Her name is Shelby Stevens. This super slut has appeared in 251 fine films including "Clock Work Orgy". She is 40.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Deee Deee Deee...
As you can see with the blog title I'm out of ideas this morning. Yesterday was the longest day ever. Note to self, don't take a four hour nap starting at 2 pm.
Today's Intern: Mike
We Can't Stop Talking: Goooood Morning! Ravey is stoked about football this weekend. Ravey took her tickets and put them in her Bible. The listeners hate Menace's hair. Greg drinks 3, 20 oz. coffees a day. It is his food. Greg was held hostage by a skunk this morning. He hates them with a passion now. Tony drinks just a little less coffee than Greg. According to a research people who drink a lot of coffee or caffeine tend to hallucinate. The show is tripping balls off coffee. The 18th porta potty was set a blaze in SF yesterday. This is the 18th since November. These people are crazy. They are starting the fires by lighting the toilet paper and the thing turns into a pile of blue goo. This guy in Utah had this gun that fell out of its holster when he was pulling up his pants after taking a dump. The gun dropped, fired, and shattered the toilet. Woody then shared with us that when he takes a dump he puts his phone in his underwear hammock. Ravey lost it at this point.
We then had a slight argument about whether the Killers are saying Dancer or Denser. Tony says Denser, callers say denser, but everyone else says its "dancer"... Who Knows.
News with Greg Gory:
> There was another protest that went bad in Oakland. There were thousands who were protesting in honor of Oscar Grant. There were windows smashed and there were things destroyed. Also a town in Napa was evacuated after the parents of the cop who shot Oscar Grant found 2
unidentified packages on their porch.
> Apple has issued a statement saying that Steve Jobs is taking a leave of absence due to health reasons. Steve Jobs
sent out a letter to Apple employees today saying that his previously explained health problems are "more complex" than he at first thought, and that he plans to return in June.
> The owner of the Jets has a SUPER hot daughter who is lesbian. (This excited Greg and Tony) Apparently this banging hot chick got in a fight with her girlfriend.
Sports with Miss Ravey:
> The Warriors went 3 rounds of over time and ended up losing by 2 points. 133 to 135
> The Dallas Cowboys are toying with the idea of releasing Terrell Owens
> The New York Giants want Plaxeco Burress back next year.
> Sharks are at home tonight
> The A's plan to build a new $500,000 stadium but they are at a disadvantage because they
are coming from the least desirable environment.
Stupid Human Story: From Chicago, a man with a stutter was arrested at a Dunkin' Donuts where he used to work. When he attempted to rob the place, he held out a knife and told the cashier to hand over the money. When the cashier talked to authorities he said that he had heard the voice before and it sounded like an old co-worker.
Ask The Woody Show: This one is from Heather in SF. Went on a blind date next weekend that was set up through a mutual friend. She was having a good time until he pulled out his wallet to pay for dinner when she noticed a condom. She asked how long that had been in there and he replied, "Oh about two hours, I figured I'd rather be safe than sorry." Is this super sleezy??
Ravey: It is sleezy. Is it so hard to swing by the Walgreens?
Woody: He was being safe and honest.
Menace: Don't put condoms in your pockets, they fall out when you get your keys
Greg: He was just prepared
Tony: Agrees with the majority. He was just being prepared.
Katie: If he brought it out and hinted at it then yeah it would be sleezy, but he just had it so it's no big deal.
Listeners: Is she overreacting?
Yes: 84%
No: 16%
Ravey's Music and Entertainment Report:
> It was announced yesterday that Metallica will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of
Fame and for the first time tickets will be available to the public.
> Coldplay, Katy Perry, and the Jonas Brothers are the first announced performers at the Grammys
> Sam Jackson will not be playing Nick Fury in Iron Man 2
> American Idol is down 10% but they still had 30.1 million viewers
> New CSI tonight
Final Word: Kevin Bacon, who lost millions because of Berny Madeoff "There are a lot of things I am thankful for. My family and their health. There are things that could be worse."
A Round of That Sucks:
> A 37 year old woman showed up at the hospital with a huge aerosol hairspray can stuck in her ass. She refused to tell the doctors how she managed to get it stuck up there but I think we have an idea.
> At the MGM Grand, David Copperfield's assistant who was rotating a fan for a stunt on a platform said he was almost sucked into the fan. He had his arm broken in several places and cut his face. When David went to visit his assistant in the hospital, he brought him a child's magic set to practice with.
> Our listener's email: This past year has sucked. My dad died at age 52, had to give up my job to run the family business, had to sell my house to help my mom pay the morgage, my wife is 7 months pregnant, my aunt just recently died, and my close friend has been diagnosed with Lymphoma. Oh man. This is horrible and we hope this person keeps their head up and gets through it.
> This guy is from Colorado, he's 48, and his name is Tim. Over the past 3 years, he had 2 divorces, his house burned down, he moved into a trailer, his dog died, his brother died, he had
to file for bankruptcy, and last Friday he got shot and died.
> Greg from Australia was spear fishing from some rocks, when a wave came, it knocked him to the ground. When he looked down he noticed the 6 foot spear was in his groin. The spear was stuck and he had to be air lifted to the hospital.
> A guy was shot in front of a pizza place, twice, at different times, in one year.
> Last Friday, police were investigating a missing persons report. A 75 year old had been missing for a couple days. This guy was a hoarder. He had so much trash and stuff in his house he had to make tunnels. Turns out one of the tunnels collapsed and he actually died of dehydration.
Dumbass Contest: The Answer Is C.
#1. Mike in Walnut Creek: 2 for 2 WINNER!
Sexy Time Fun Facts:
Pointless Poll: Does Your Partners Sexual Past Matter?
Yes: 45.7%
No: 54.3%
> A study showed that people who didn't eat breakfast lose their virginity earlier. The study also showed that people who dislike their mom lost their virginity earlier.
> You have 2 daughters, which one will lose their virginity first? This study shows that the first born girls tend to lose their virginity later than the younger siblings. Since older kids tend to align themselves with their parents, they hold off on the sex.
> This survey took place in the UK: About 1/3 of teens express regret about their first time. 1/5 of girls regret it and 38% of boys say they regret it. Teens are also much more likely to get it on during the holidays.
Do you Regret your first time??
Ravey: No
Menace: Yes
Greg: No
Tony: No
Woody: No
Katie: No
Round Number 2 of News:
> The guy who won the $500,000 in a fund raiser against rape and who was a convicted sex offender. A stranger came up and asked if he was the man who won. When the sex offender said yes, the stranger got out a tire iron and bashed the guy in the head 10 times.
> The kids with the Hitler/Aryan nation names, authorities have removed the children from the house. The parents say they don't know why the kids were taken because there was no abuse charges or reports filed.
> Authorities arrested down-and-out Indiana businessman Marcus Schrenker, 38, at a Florida campground Tuesday night after they say Schrenker faked a plane crash by issuing a phony distress call, then parachuted to safety and fled on a motorcycle he stored before his flight.
Crap on Celebrities:
> Jennifer Garner has named her new daughter Sarahfina.
> Hugh Laurie admitted that he was an arrogant teen that took a vow to never live beyond 40. They said that they would kill themselves at 40
> Kendra Wilksonsin is now out of the Playboy mansion and she admits to cheating on Hugh Hefner.
Porno Birthday: This one is Sabrina Dawn has been in 82 fine films including, "Jungle Beaver," "City Lickers," and "Grandma Does Dallas" She is 37.
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Tony's Just a Headline: "2 Men Face Charges For Penis Tattoos"
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
MMMMM....Sardines.
This weather is freaking me out. It was windy as hell, but warm..... in January. Really? It's unfortunate that I have made it a habit to drink at least 2 Red Bulls by 11:00am. BUT they are just so good I can't help myself.
Today's Intern: Jessica
Kids Suck, Here's Why: Goooooood Morning! It is Wednesday! Who's home city does this one belong to?: A flyer headline, "Why I Hate Black History Month" was sent home with a bunch of students because it was about how it shouldn't just be February, but it should be all year. There were so many complaints, that the flyer was soon changed to "Why I Love Black History Month." That's right, its from St. Louis. That's funny, 3/4 of the students were black. There is a new IPhone app where it is like a foggy window and you can write in the steam, like you're writing with your finger in a foggy mirror or window. Yeah, these dorks who made the app have already made $100,000. When a fight broke out at Patterson High School, police and school officials put the school on lock for 4 hours. Students who had to use the bathroom either held it or used the trash can. To make sure that the bathroom never happened again, the school authorities spend $1400 to put a portable bathroom kit in each class, complete with folding toilet, seat covers, and a privacy tarp. Imagine Menace being stuck in that situation. Tony pooped at work yesterday. This started a whole caca talk. Tony shared a sweet story with us. Dean was eating the other day and he decided to change his own diaper without taking it off. He reached into his diaper and pulled out a hand full of caca. Woody, good luck dude. Ravey had a similar story, her nephew did the same thing but she couldn't get to him fast enough, and it was used as paint. Caca paint. This is the point when Woody said, "F that, I'd throw the wall away." Now onto fat people. A Kansas woman told the news that her local hospital sent her to the zoo for a MRI because she wouldn't fit in their machine. Too fat to adopt, authorities told a British that he couldn't adopt a kid because he was too fat. He has to lose weight in order to adopt because he is unhealthy and unfit to be a parent.
Ask The Woody Show: This one is from Nick
in Los Gatos, for the past few months all his girlfriend talked about was how bad she wanted to join a gym but she didn't want to spend the money. For her Christmas present he bought her a year membership, when he gave her the present, she FLIPPED. Did he do something
wrong??
Ravey: That's a horrible present, if she wanted it, she'd get it.
Menace: Women suck. Basically sums up what he said.
Greg: Not for Christmas, get her it for some other thing.
Woody: If she hadn't been talking about it, it would have been bad, but considering she was talking about it so that's ok.
Tony: It's fine, she asked for it. Should have gotten her something else along with it.
Katie: If it is all he got her that kinda sucks, but she was always talking about it, PLUS it's expensive, he wasn't trying to hurt her feelings.... It's a toss up.
Listeners: Was This Messed Up?
Yes: 14.3%
No: 85.7%
Douche Bag of the Day: This guy, Nicoli, is suing Hooters because they refuse to hire men. It's called HOOTERS..... HOOTERS = BOOBIES. Dumbass.
All Menace thinks about is food. Wherever we say we're going to go, he gives us a restaurant recommendation. 99% of Menace's twitters are pictures of food.
Jake in Pacifica called in with a sweet story. Last night on American Idol, one of the contestants, who was blind, got through to Hollywood. When the man walked out of the audition, Ryan Seacrest walked up to him and tried to high five him. Watch it Here!
News with Greg Gory:
> The bart cop who was involved in the shooting on New Years was arrested on homicide charges yesterday. He is also on suicide watch. Grants family is suing for $25,000,000.
> An off duty police officer was waiting in line at Walmart
when a kid cut in line. The cop told the kid that he
has to wait his turn, the dad of the kid then came and said, "Mind your own business or we can settle this outside." The cop says that he's a cop and that he'll have an on duty cop come down and take care of it. The line cutters left and got in their vans and the cop stood behind the van so they couldn't leave.
The dad backed the van up over the cops legs, after that the kid got out and started to fight the cop. Retards.
> American Idol is suing a strip club for having a "Stripper Idol" contest.
Sports with Ravey:
> The Sharks destroyed the Lightning
> The Magic scored 23 - 3 pointers last night
> The Warriors play tonight
> Steelers are officially the favorites to win the Superbowl
> Plaxeco Burress will be in court today on another matter. He leased a Chevy in 2004 and it ended up being impounded during a shooting and the dealership never got it back.
Music and Entertainment Report:
> Jennifer Hudson will be returning to the stage for the first time since her family was killed
> Jackie Chan is in negotiations to play Mr. Miyagi and Will Smith's kid will play the karate kid.
> Wall-E was ranked as the top movie of last year
> Arrested Development movie is in play.
> American Idol continues tonight
> LOST returns next week
> Night Rider will be on NBC
Final Word: Naomi Watts, who is back in shape after being pregnant. "I'm breast feeding and he's sucking it all out of me."
There is a New Kids On The Block cruise you can go on. Menace is stoked to hang out with the
guys.
Hard Core Restaurant News:
> On Sunday, 2 - 22 year old guys busted into a sushi restaurant with guns. The guys first decided to hit the tip jar. At this point 8 waiters with sushi knives attacked the robbers and made them regret their decision. They stabbed him and he was rushed to the hospital but died a few hours later.
> Last year, a couple decided to take their relationship to the next level and commit some crimes together. They caught wind of the fact that an owner of a restaurant leaves with
$30,000. The couple was going to rob the guy, when they tried to get the guy to hand over the bag and he said no, the boy got out his gun and accidentally shot his girlfriend in her hip. The owner dropped the bag and ran. Turns out, the bag was actually filled with bread rolls. Oh yeah, and the couple broke up.
> A couple were stretching out their meal over 5 hours. The waiter was bringing them their desert when they decided to leave, with out paying their $400 bill. The owner wished to God that he'd see them again. Well he got his wish. Later, he went to his other restaurant when he saw the other couple ordering ANOTHER expensive meal. When the tried to leave, the owner
chased them, beat the guys ass, and held him until the cops got there.
> This guy must really love his job. Last week, a 45 year old waiter from Boston was working the late shift at the Z Square. Around 3:00 am he stepped outside of the restaurant for a second, and he was approached by 2 black men in their 20's. One guy asked him for a dollar but the waiter said he didn't have any money. The guy grabbed him and the other man pulled out a switchblade and stabbed the waiter in the penis. The waiter went in the bathroom, tied a cloth to his junk, and finished his shift out for 2 more hours.
> The owners of a Florida Pita Pit have launched an extensive investigation after a chair was stolen from the restaurant. According to the owner the theft took place in broad daylight. "Who steals a chair from the Pita Pit?"
The Most Unappreciated Jobs:
> Menace's dream job, a desert developer. This lady sits in her office and tastes different puddings all day long.
> An Australian Company is announcing that they need a care taker of a private island. The job entails: A daily blog, cleaning the pool, feeding the fish, getting the mail, and maintaining the 3 bedroom house that the company provides you. The job only requires you to work for 6 months a year, all of your living costs are paid for, and the salary is $106,000
> The 7 Most Unpopular Jobs
7. High School Lunch Ladies
6. Grocery Store Shelf Stockers
5. Road Kill Cleaner Upers
4. Over Night Pharmacist
3. Road Construction Workers
> 5 Least Desired Jobs:
5. Lawyer
4. Advertising Professional
3. Musician
2. Journalist
1. Actor
> 5 Most Desired Jobs
5. Home Worker
4. Tech Specialist
3. Scientist
2. Doctor
1. Teacher
News with Greg Round 2:
> In Laguna beach a couple was sitting on a pier eating ice cream. A seagull came down and tried to eat the ice cream and it hit the wife in the head. The guy started beating the hell out of the bird with a stick. It had to be put down, problem is, the bird was on a protected animals list and the man was cited on animal cruelty
This started chicken talk. We decided that we are going to bring a chicken into the studio, dress Tony up as a chicken, make him chase a chicken, and it's going to RULE!!
Happy Happy Story Time: Ozzy the 5 year old dog was watching the family play Wii. They then hit the dog on accident with the Wii controller in the temple and killed it instantly.
Got Game With Steve Masters:
> There is like a Photoshop for your Wii.
> There is a speculum for Web Bush has found that there will be a $100 price drop on the PS3
> They lost me here, we were giving away games.
Dumbass Contest: Woody Show Jepordy!
#1. John in Alameda: No Win! 200 points
#2. Jim in SF: No Win! 500 points.
#3. David in San Ramon: WINNER 800 points!
Tony's Just a Headline: "Hulk Abandons Used Sex Dolls"
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