The Woody Show

HEY THE BLOG HAS MOVED!!!

2009-01-23T05:57:00.000-08:00

Hello Ladies and Gents! The Woody Show Blog has Moved!!!!

Want to see it? Stupid question... OF COURSE YOU DO!!!!

Suck it PETA!

2009-01-22T06:02:00.001-08:00

It's Hellllla raining! People of course drove 50mph, but then a cop came on the free way and JESUS H, everyone was driving 35mph. I hate that.

Today's Intern: Mike

Bringing the Magic to you Live: Gooooooood Morning! Greg HATES the rain with a passion. Woody doesn't mind it and thinks it's ,"nice". There will be nothing but rain for the next 5 to 7 days. Everyone have those umbrellas ready. Woody gets his new bed today and he is going to take an inaugural nap. Last week, a 72 year old woman retired from her manager postition at McDonalds. Thing is, she got hired at that exact McDonalds 39 years ago. She can retire because her son won a lottery. We tried to get Menace to take off his shirt because he has been working out. This guy Francis, is claiming that he has lost 9lbs simply by flexing his taint muscles. In Las Vegas, a father, shackled his daughter because he felt like she was overweight. When they found her she was beaten and in tears. The father beat her with a wooden stick and chained her to keep her out of the kitchen.

Dumbass Contest: How Well Do You Know The Woody Show?!

#1. Louie in San Jose - 2 for 2! Winner!!!

#2. Jake in Hayward - 0 for 2.. No Win!

#3. Steven in San Jose - 2 for 2! Winner!!

#4. Edgar in Union City - 2 for 2 Winner!!

News with Mr. Greg Gory:

> Menace's head is over heating due to steroids.

> yesterday investigators found what they think may be the remains of a bird in the engine of the plane that crashed into the Hudson

River.

> The American Kennel club just released its 10 favorite dogs:

1) lab

2) terrier

3) german

4) golden

5) beagle

6) boxer

7) doxen

8) bull dog

9) poodle

10) shitzu

10 Most Popular Dog Names:

10) Spatula

8) Sophie Touch and Pee

7) Scuttles Utter Fuss

6) Peanut Wiggle butt

5) Meat Wad

4) Low Jack

3) Raffie Keekie Deekie

2) Serious Lee Handsome

1) Rush Limbark

10 Most Strange Cat Names

10) Toot Uncommon

9) Rosie Posey Prozac

8) Sparkle Monkey

7) 80 bucks

6) Miss Fuzz Butt

5) Snoop Kitty Kitty

4) Buddah Pest

3) Optimus Prrrrrime

2) Sir Licks A Lot

1) Edward Scissor Paws

Douche Bag of the Day: A man showed up at the clerks office at the water company asking for money. When the guy said, "we have no money" When the robber said, "Of course you do! It's a bank!" When the guy realized he was in a water company building, he ran, with no money.

Ravey's Music and Entertainment

Report:

> Massive Snub for the Dark Knight

> Milk was nominated for Best Picture

> Green Day Fan website says that the band may be done with their next record

> CSI is on CBS

Final Word: 5 Finger Death Punch regarding the departure of their guitarist. "It was a mutual agreement between the band and Darrell, we did it as friends and we all remained friends."

They are starting to make engagement rings for guys. They would be made of a titanium band that has a tiny diamond. Cute. Menace makes the point that this is just for the ladies to keep their men on lock down.

Sexy Time Fun Facts:

> 2 security guards from Neman Marcus were fired for having sex at work and getting caught on the security cam. They were fired and now they are having trouble getting hired anywhere

else because the videos are posted where employers can see them.

> A Study claims that women find love making more fulfilling if their partner is wealthy.

Sexy Time Ask The Woody Show: This one is from Mike - Sometime ago he found an amateur porno that he is 99% sure that the girl in the movie is his ex girlfriend. If and ex shows up in one of these videos, do you point it out or never tell her??

Ravey: Definitely tell her

Greg: Angle it like he wants HER to tell him about it. "Do you have something to tell me?"

Tony: Wasn't paying attention. Sorry Ton.

Woody: Would tell her, she needs to know

Menace: Leave it alone

Katie: I wouldn't want to know because I would be overwhelmed and focused on who had it and if it was still out there.

The Fabulous Doug Benson is Here!!!!

He is from VH1 Best Week Ever and Super High Me and he is at Cobb's Tonight!

GET TICKETS HERE!

Text "STANDUP BENSON" to 66333 text over and over and over and over.

Also check him out at www.twitter.com/dougbenson

ALSO check him out on MYSPACE!!!!

Woody Show Would You Rather:

> Mona or Angela - Majority went to Angela

> Facts of Life: Natalie or Jo - Majority went to Jo

> Dynasty: Linda Evans or Joan Collins - Linda Wins

> Flinstones: Betty or Wilma - Betty wins

> Golden Girls: Bea Arther or Estelle Getty - Estelle

> Jeffersons: Weezy or The Maid - Weezy

> Rosane: Darline or Jackie - Jackie

> The Brady Bunch: Marsha or Carol (The Mom) - Marsha

> All the Family: Edith Bunker (Then) or Sally Struthers (Now) - Sally Struthers

News Round 2:

> A lady had to pay for a cab ride with her Ipod because her credit card was declined. The driver called the cops and they said she had to give him something in exchange for the drive.

Sports with Ravey:

> Warriors lost last night to the Thunder

> Jeff Kent is going to announce his retirement from Baseball today

> The McGuire Family Secret is a book that tells all about Mark McGuire's drug use where his brother outs him.

> Tom Brady gave an interview yesterday about his knee surgery. His rehab is going

well...There are good and bad days. There was no return time given.

Some Burger King employees sprinkled 2 police officers burgers with marijuana. They were arrested. and after the cops went back to Burger King to get more food. Getttting!

Crap on Celebs

> Kelly Osbourne was arrested earlier this month because she slapped a gossip column writer

> Girls Gone Wild founder is dating Kim Zolziac (who this is...I have no idea.)

> Macaulay Culkin's sister, Dakota, was struck and killed by a car in Los Angeles this week, police confirm. The 29-year-old stepped in front of a car in West L.A. just before 11 p.m. on Tuesday and was rushed to UCLA hospital with massive head trauma, according to LAPD spokesman Richard French. She died the following day.

> Akon claims to not know how old he is. He lost track of the candles on his birthday cake, and plus in Africa, age doesn't matter.

Porno Birthday: This slut, Brittney Andrews has been in 258 fine films including, "Terms of Enslavement", "Tight Club", "King of the Load" she is 35!

People Suck.

2009-01-21T05:58:00.000-08:00

Gooood Morning. I was running slightly behind today, my shoes weren't all the way on when I got here, my phone isn't working correctly, and we almost forgot about Jessica for Starbucks again this morning. Caca

Today's Intern: Jessica

What is Going On?: Gooooooooood Morning! We always try to share good deals with each other. At Macy's they are having a sale!! Woody got $2100 worth of bedding for only $400. Greg changes his sheets probably once every 4

to 6 weeks. This conversation got grosser and grosser. Airline passenger arrested at an airport in Phoenix because he opened the emergency door to get off while the rest of the people were

leaving through the regular door. A 72 year old man who had eyebrows who were so long that they required brushing. He started a Polio charity for the cutting of his eyebrows. 2 seven year old Indian girls were married to frogs last week. During the wedding the girls were dressed and the frogs were tied to decorated sticks. PETTTTAAAA?!?!? WHERE YOU AT HATERS!?!? Today is the chicken day! Since people thew such a fit, we found a slaughter house and chicken farmers who are going to let Tony play with their chickens and hold them.

News with Greg Gory:

> Obama was sworn in as our 44th president yesterday. Obama already screwed up. Obama kept interrupting. Roberts screwed up the oath and misplaced the word faithfully.

> There were 2,000,000 people there last night and not 1 arrest. Amazing.

> A couple of men were found in a bathtub size cooler bobbing around in the ocean after their fishing boat sank. They had been in that cooler for 25 days.

> An Alabama fire department got their jaws of life stolen the other night. Turns out the Jaws of life

cost $12,000! Why would someone steal that? What the hell?

Sports with Ravey:

> It took a long time for the Sharks to score last night. That

sent them into overtime in which they won 2 - 1 .

> Shark are off until after the allstar game

> The Thunder take on the Warriors tonight at 7:30

> 34% of people watching TV on Sunday were watching the AFC game where Woody and Ravey were.

Stupid Human Story: Authorities say Jason Charles Mielke and his dad were cleaning a muzzleloader found near a dumpster at the apartment complex where Jason lived. A sheriff's

investigation concluded that a breech plug became stuck in the muzzleloader as the two men were cleaning it. As the men used a

torch to heat the barrel around the plug to help release it, the weapon fired off a round, hitting Mielke in the abdomen and killing him.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Tom Cruise is interested in turning the plane crash on the Hudson River into a movie.

> LOST returns for its 5th season

Final Word: Ralph Macchio talking about Jackie Chan in the new Karate Kid, "It feels good that some people are pretty angry about people trying to remake the Karate Kid."

Email From Our People:

> One of our listeners let us in on this: More people were killed at a Notorious screening than were killed in a plane crash in New York City.

Poll with the People: How Long Will It Take Tony To Kill A Whole Chicken?

A: 5 Minutes - 26.7%

B: 5-10 Minutes - 36%

C: 10-15 Minutes - 16.3%

D. More Than 15 Minutes - 21.1%

Barack Obama Has A Dirty Mouth?!?! - Check out www.obamasoundoff.com

Dumbass Contest: Tony Kills A Whole Chicken!! (Because man, we hate us some

PETA douche bags)

#1. Derrick in San Jose - 2 minutes

#2. Red in SF - 7 minutes

#3. Paul in Sunnyvale - 10 minutes WINNER!! It

took Tony 26 minutes and 20 seconds to eat the whole chicken!!

#4. Josue in

Livermore - 3 minutes

Thats right, we're not killing a chicken, Tony is EATING a ROASTED CHICKEN...you stupid morons. F YOU TWICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F'ing Losers!!!! SO TAKE THAT PETA. KISS OUR ASSES. Thanks for spreading the word about our show so hard core! You guys got punked, because not only did you raise such hell about our show, but now people across our country have checked out our show and tuned in! Thank you PETA, you just got bitched.

Jail Stories:

>Last month a guy named Jason was arrested for trafficking stolen property. In his cell, they found drugs. They also found syringes, matches,

meth, cocaine, etc. How did he get it in there? Thats right, in his B-Hole!

>A girl took her friend in jail a huge burrito. In the burrito she put heroin and a needle. She was arrested and locked up with the rest of them.

> Police in Missouri said smelled marijuana while leaving their station. Turns out the kids next door to the police station were smoking pot. They went over there and arrested the 18 year olds. Smart guys, smoke next door to the police station....douche bags.

> A lady loaned her car to a guy who was going on a crack run. When she gave up the car, she left her 1 year old son in the back. When the guy got out to get the crack, he left the car running. Then another crack head steals it, ditches the kid, and traded the car for crack.

> A woman used part of a tampon to snort cocaine.

> A british lady was on a flight to Bancock and she was acting strange. When she was investigated they found she was smuggling 260 grams of black tar heroin in her happy place.

News Round 2:

> Obama is starting his first day today. They have already postponed the Guantanamo Bay Evacuation.

> Bart is raising its prices and this started a huge bart talk..

> A 72 year old man named Cristano was found dead in his nursing home after a fight with

another one of the residents. Basically the other old guy, Kenneth, beat Cristano to death.

Steve Masters is Here!!!:

> There is a Wii in the White House! Obama's favorite Wii game is Wii Bowling.

> Make sure to check out

- Street Fighter 4 (Feb 17th)

- GTA 4 Downloadable content (Feb 17th)

- Resident Evil 5 (March 15th)

Guess The State: Police are searching for a shoplifter who got hit by her own get away car TWICE. She robbed a TJ Max and stole several expensive purses. She ran out of the TJ Max went to get in the car and fell and got run over. She then got up jumped on the hood of the car, fell off, and got run over AGAIN.

#1. Peter in San Jose - Pennsylvania

#2. Robert in San Mateo - Ohio

#3. Kyle in Palo Alto - Florida WINNER!

Porno Birthday: Nicki Sterling has starred in 281 fine films including, "6 Degrees of Penatration" this slut is 41.

Justin from Pleasanton called in and shared the greatest link with us ever. Since we all hate PETA check this site out.... www.petakillsanimals.com

Cluck Cluck

2009-01-20T05:49:00.000-08:00

Finally! Sarah is back from Germany! I got free parking.... Hella Rules!!! Today will be very interesting.

Today's Intern: Sarah

What Chu Sayin??: Goooood Morning! It's a big day, inauguration day! It's the egg nog drinking contest and then it is followed with bobbing for apples. This consumer confidence coming from Barak Obama support is going to hopefully be a positive thing. Menace took everything that the show said and dumbed it down for our listeners. They used too many big words for Menace to

understand. This chicken chase contest is raising hell. People are RETARDS!!! PETA, Brave

Birds, Vegan sites....etc are pooping bricks about this contest. We're getting email saying, "How can you guys do this." The topic brought up was that we are having a "Chicken Event" on the day Obama is being sworn in, hence we are being racist. WOW!! JESUSSS! There are plenty of emails for you guys and plenty of mad voice mails from Canada. Anyways, we're going on Woody Show trip #1. - on a blimp. This blimp goes all around the bay. Hell yeah.

By the way, Steelers won! Suck it bitches. The McGahee injury was horrific though. CLICK HERE

World Records:

> Today they are expecting 1 and 2 million people at the inauguration today

> The most porta potties for one event.

> 114 year old LA lady is now the oldest person in the world.... Gertrude Baynes

> A Manhattan man won his 2nd couch potato contest. 18 hours of straight sports tv.

> Most deaths in 2006, a man died 31 times and was brought back. FLAT LINED 31 TIMES!

> In a 15 year career, a girl sniffed 5,600 feet while working for Dr. Scholls.

> Farthest eyeball popper, Kim Goodman, 1 millimeter past her eye socket.

> The farthest Midget toss 11 feet 5 inches.

> Farthest nasal ejection, 7.5 inches

> A guy ate 5 wrist watches in 1 hour and 34 minutes

> Frank the cab driver went 7 months without combining soap and water

> Christine Martin sat in a bath of maggots for 1 hour and 30 minutes.

> Most rattle snakes in mouth - 10 rattle snakes in his mouth

News with Greg Gory:

> Inauguration day is today! Obama is going to have the tightest security ever, a bullet proof Cadillac with fighter jets flying over head.

> a 22 year old women went to jail because a little girl opened her mouth. The police came to the house and a couple answered the door, when the cops asked if the woman was there the couple said no, but a little girl goes "yes she is, she's hiding right here" The woman was arrested.

Sports with Miss Ravey:

> Warriors won back to back games for the 3rd time this season

> New York Jets are going to have a new head coach.

> Steelers won this weekend

> Willis McGahee was slammed pretty hard and ended up with concussion.

> There is now a controversy that when Willis McGahee was down the Steelers were playing party music. Really? This ended in Woody playing a bunch of "oh crap I'm hurt" songs.

Emails from Angry Hippies who Hate Us:

People are all worked up about the Chicken Chase and emailed us to let us know how they feel.... because we care.

> "I have listened to your Alex Bennet show for many years?" Really...Have ya? Too bad that was like 4 morning shows ago, idiot.

> Get creative and try to do something else. Bikini waxing, pepper eating...

etc.

> Dude in a chicken suit, funny. Chasing an already terrified animal and then feeding it meat of its own kind. Not funny. You guys should dress up as chickens and play chicken.

> It's a better idea to flash your nude selves to a school bus. Effing morons!!!

Our New Favorite Websites

www.easyvegan.info

www.peta.org

www.bravebirds.org

> Heard about what you guys are doing with the guy

chasing chickens, in order to mock the inauguration

> From Mitchell in South Dakota - Heard you guys are going to celebrate our next President by chasing live chickens around your studio.

> Jared in SF - Not sure why abusing and tormenting animals on inauguration day is funny but it is

We'll leave this up to you guys: Should we let Tony catch the chickens?

Yes: 91.8%

No: 8.2%

Greg got some awesome voicemail as well.... I'll figure out how to get the audio soon.

News Round 2:

> The swearing in ceremony started this morning. He will be sworn in using the same Bible that they used for Abe Lincoln. He is going to have the most security ever.

> The plane that crashed into the Hudson River, actually had an engine issue. They are investigating it now.

> An 80 year old was hit by a car in San Jose. The driver who hit the lady got out of the car, dragged the old lady's body across the street, left her in a gutter, and left.

We watched the inauguration speech for about 20 minutes

Where Can You Get Free Stuff?

> Dunkin Donuts

> Krispy Kreme

> Starbucks

> TGI Fridays

> Moveon.org

> New Yorker Magazine

> Macys, Dillards, etc.

George Bush's Presidency Numbers:

www.thankyoupresidentgeorgewbush.com -- Write President Bush a thank you letter!

> Number of phone calls the FBI received in the fall of 2001 from Utah residents claiming to have seen Osama Bin Laden: 20

> Percentage of Americans in 2006 who believed that Muslims should have to carry a special ID: 39%

> Percentage of Americans in 2002 who believed that the government should regulate comedy routines that make light of terrorism: 40%

> Estimated total miles Bush has ridden on his bike as President: 5,400 miles

> Percentage of Bush's presidency he's spent at or in route to vacation spots: 33%

> Percentage change since 2002 in the number of teens using illegal drugs: -9%

> Percentage change in the number of adults in their fifties using illegal drugs: +121%

> Number of U.S. cities that have passed resolutions calling for Bush's impeachment: 92

> Percentage change since 2000 in the number of Americans emigrating to Canada: +79%

> Number of press conferences where Bush referred to a question as a "trick": 14

Junk Shockin!!

2009-01-16T06:02:00.000-08:00

Worked late and almost didn't wake up on time! Yikes!!! I hate waking up in a panic, but I'm here and we're ready to go!!

Today's Intern: Andrea

We're Never Going To Stop: Gooooooood Morning!!! Greg, as usual, is hella bumbed it's Friday. Woody can't tell if he wants a bigger bed because he's getting fatter or because Jen is a crowder. Menace spends all his money the day we get paid. He hit the gym yesterday! There were hot girls everywhere and he fell off the elliptical. That's a great start Menace. He also bought a Bowflex. Bacon is being used in deserts now. Apparently the

salt and the sweet evens out. There are a bunch of new recipes. Chocolate bacon crunch bar, maple pudding with bacon glaze, etc. Emergency crews had to cut a 700 lb man out of his house when he injured his wrist trying to get out of bed. We mentioned Half Ton Mom again. This turned into myspace talk. The fat girls with the weird angles.

News with Greg:

> US Airways had to make an emergency landing into the freezing Hudson River. Apparently the plane flew into a flock of birds and both engines were shot. After the plane crashed, the pilot walked up and down the isles, not once, but twice. All 150

passengers lived. This actually a good story, considering no one died and the pilot ruled! Watch the Video Here

> At the Alameda County Courthouse in Oakland, former Bart cop Johannes Meserley pleaded not guilty to the murder of Oscar Grant yesterday. Meserley's family was at the 10 minute arraignment, and Oscar Grant's mother and other friends were there wearing T-shirts that read "RIP Oscar." The two families were separated by 9 bailiffs. D.A. Tom Orloff charged Meserley with one count of murder, which legal experts are saying is a highly unusual charge against on-duty officer. The court viewed the video in which they determined that Grant's arms were clearly behind his back. Meserley is being held in Santa Rita jail without bail. He will return to court on January 26th when his bail will be determined.

> In Hammond, Indiana, a 10 year old boy got his tongue stuck on a metal light post. The 4th grader said he was dared by a friend to lick the pole in the 10 degree weather. By the time an ambulance arrived, the boy was able to yank his tongue off the frozen pole and his mom was

given directions on how to car for his bleeding tongue.

Sports with the lover of flying, Miss Ravey:

> Sharks lost last night.

> Eagles are currently the favorites in Arizona

> Pittsburgh and Baltimore, this game is going to be BRUTAL

> Barry Bonds lawyer is back in the court, said that the government is intending to call athletes as apposed to trainers.

David Alan Grier is Here:

> He appeared to be very upset about the Opera budget cuts. He told Menace to shut his pie hole here, he's already ruling.

> He has 4, 15 - 18 lb hams hanging in his wine cellar.

David Alan Grier Will be at Cobb's Comedy Club!!

Friday, January 16th - 8:00 pm and 10:15 pm

Saturday, January 17th - 8:00 pm and 10:15 pm

Sunday, January 18th - 7:00 pm

GET TICKETS HERE!!

David Alan Grier is on Myspace as well! Add Him!!!

Music and Entertainment Report:

> A bunch of movies hit the box office this weekend, there is a movie for everyone.

> Fox and Warner Bros. has settled their dispute over the Watchmen movie

> Sam Jackson won't be part of IronMan 2 because he is too expensive.

> March 29th is the release date for Metallica Guitar Hero.

> NBC has renewed "The Office" and "30 Rock"

> Night Rider doesn't look like it is coming back

> 100th episode of Desperate Housewives hits this weekend

Final Word: Jeremy Piven is still defending the rumors about him faking an illness to get out the broadway play, " I've never not completed anything in my life, they pulled me out of this thing and that's the truth. "

We talked some VH1 and MTV shows. Bromance which is the lamest of the lame and Tool Academy which RULES!

Weird Women Stories:

> Some guy is filing a law suit because he feels that the amount of time that girls have to wait to use the bathroom is discrimination. This is so ridiculous

> A woman threw a meat thermometer at her boyfriend and it stuck in him.

> In India, a doctor had an unidentified 27 year old patient. She had complained of running nose, cough, and fever for 6 months. They couldn't figure out what was going on until they stuck a camera down her throat to find that she had a condom lodged in her lungs.

Poll Question: Is women having to wait in line for the bathroom and men not having to

discrimination?

Yes: 6%

No: 94%

Woody: No Way.

Ravey: Thinks Woody is just bashing women because he loves to hate women, she's being a raging bitch today.

Dumbass Contest: Menace Shock (GREATEST CONTEST EVER)

#1. Berney in San Jose: 0 for 2

#2. Jason in San Jose: 0 for 2

#3. David in Cambel: 2 for 3 WINNER!!

What is The One Thing You Won't Do in Front of Someone?:

Woody: Pick a wedgie and vomit

Ravey: Hock a loogie and talk on the phone.

Tony: Vomiting.

Greg: Can't Poop. Doesn't want people to even know that he does that.

Menace: Poop in front of someone or farting.

Katie: Pick at zits or blow your nose.

News Round 2:

> President Bush gave us his farewell address last night. It was a 13 minute speech that looked back over his 8 years in office. He talked about the many achievements, like declaring Afghanistan and Iraq foreign policy successes.

> President elect Obama was interviewed by Katie Couric on Wednesday night. Obama says its no longer essential to U.S. Security to capture Osama Bin Laden.

> In Spain, a prison guard's union said a female stripper performed at a Spanish jail and authorities did nothing to stop it. The stripper did her thing in front of the male inmates. An official penitentiary system called it an inappropriate musical performance and said an investigation will be done to find out who authorized it.

The Hat Lady Liberal Jan Wahl is Here!!:

> The Wrestler got 3 hats. This is the one that Tony wanted to cry during.

> She liked the Slumdog Millionaire movie. The first half was tough to get through but the second half was awesome!

> Next week is the Oscar Nominations.

Crap on Celebs:

> Johnny Knoxville was detained yesterday at LAX for having a grenade, but there was no explosive pin to pull.

> Bara Grills had their third child, Huckleberry Grills

> Will Farrell is on broadway doing a play about President Bush.

Porno Birthday: Her name is Shelby Stevens. This super slut has appeared in 251 fine films including "Clock Work Orgy". She is 40.

Deee Deee Deee...

2009-01-15T06:01:00.000-08:00

As you can see with the blog title I'm out of ideas this morning. Yesterday was the longest day ever. Note to self, don't take a four hour nap starting at 2 pm.

Today's Intern: Mike

We Can't Stop Talking: Goooood Morning! Ravey is stoked about football this weekend. Ravey took her tickets and put them in her Bible. The listeners hate Menace's hair. Greg drinks 3, 20 oz. coffees a day. It is his food. Greg was held hostage by a skunk this morning. He hates them with a passion now. Tony drinks just a little less coffee than Greg. According to a research people who drink a lot of coffee or caffeine tend to hallucinate. The show is tripping balls off coffee. The 18th porta potty was set a blaze in SF yesterday. This is the 18th since November. These people are crazy. They are starting the fires by lighting the toilet paper and the thing turns into a pile of blue goo. This guy in Utah had this gun that fell out of its holster when he was pulling up his pants after taking a dump. The gun dropped, fired, and shattered the toilet. Woody then shared with us that when he takes a dump he puts his phone in his underwear hammock. Ravey lost it at this point.

We then had a slight argument about whether the Killers are saying Dancer or Denser. Tony says Denser, callers say denser, but everyone else says its "dancer"... Who Knows.

News with Greg Gory:

> There was another protest that went bad in Oakland. There were thousands who were protesting in honor of Oscar Grant. There were windows smashed and there were things destroyed. Also a town in Napa was evacuated after the parents of the cop who shot Oscar Grant found 2

unidentified packages on their porch.

> Apple has issued a statement saying that Steve Jobs is taking a leave of absence due to health reasons. Steve Jobs

sent out a letter to Apple employees today saying that his previously explained health problems are "more complex" than he at first thought, and that he plans to return in June.

> The owner of the Jets has a SUPER hot daughter who is lesbian. (This excited Greg and Tony) Apparently this banging hot chick got in a fight with her girlfriend.

Sports with Miss Ravey:

> The Warriors went 3 rounds of over time and ended up losing by 2 points. 133 to 135

> The Dallas Cowboys are toying with the idea of releasing Terrell Owens

> The New York Giants want Plaxeco Burress back next year.

> Sharks are at home tonight

> The A's plan to build a new $500,000 stadium but they are at a disadvantage because they

are coming from the least desirable environment.

Stupid Human Story: From Chicago, a man with a stutter was arrested at a Dunkin' Donuts where he used to work. When he attempted to rob the place, he held out a knife and told the cashier to hand over the money. When the cashier talked to authorities he said that he had heard the voice before and it sounded like an old co-worker.

Ask The Woody Show: This one is from Heather in SF. Went on a blind date next weekend that was set up through a mutual friend. She was having a good time until he pulled out his wallet to pay for dinner when she noticed a condom. She asked how long that had been in there and he replied, "Oh about two hours, I figured I'd rather be safe than sorry." Is this super sleezy??

Ravey: It is sleezy. Is it so hard to swing by the Walgreens?

Woody: He was being safe and honest.

Menace: Don't put condoms in your pockets, they fall out when you get your keys

Greg: He was just prepared

Tony: Agrees with the majority. He was just being prepared.

Katie: If he brought it out and hinted at it then yeah it would be sleezy, but he just had it so it's no big deal.

Listeners: Is she overreacting?

Yes: 84%

No: 16%

Ravey's Music and Entertainment Report:

> It was announced yesterday that Metallica will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of

Fame and for the first time tickets will be available to the public.

> Coldplay, Katy Perry, and the Jonas Brothers are the first announced performers at the Grammys

> Sam Jackson will not be playing Nick Fury in Iron Man 2

> American Idol is down 10% but they still had 30.1 million viewers

> New CSI tonight

Final Word: Kevin Bacon, who lost millions because of Berny Madeoff "There are a lot of things I am thankful for. My family and their health. There are things that could be worse."

A Round of That Sucks:

> A 37 year old woman showed up at the hospital with a huge aerosol hairspray can stuck in her ass. She refused to tell the doctors how she managed to get it stuck up there but I think we have an idea.

> At the MGM Grand, David Copperfield's assistant who was rotating a fan for a stunt on a platform said he was almost sucked into the fan. He had his arm broken in several places and cut his face. When David went to visit his assistant in the hospital, he brought him a child's magic set to practice with.

> Our listener's email: This past year has sucked. My dad died at age 52, had to give up my job to run the family business, had to sell my house to help my mom pay the morgage, my wife is 7 months pregnant, my aunt just recently died, and my close friend has been diagnosed with Lymphoma. Oh man. This is horrible and we hope this person keeps their head up and gets through it.

> This guy is from Colorado, he's 48, and his name is Tim. Over the past 3 years, he had 2 divorces, his house burned down, he moved into a trailer, his dog died, his brother died, he had

to file for bankruptcy, and last Friday he got shot and died.

> Greg from Australia was spear fishing from some rocks, when a wave came, it knocked him to the ground. When he looked down he noticed the 6 foot spear was in his groin. The spear was stuck and he had to be air lifted to the hospital.

> A guy was shot in front of a pizza place, twice, at different times, in one year.

> Last Friday, police were investigating a missing persons report. A 75 year old had been missing for a couple days. This guy was a hoarder. He had so much trash and stuff in his house he had to make tunnels. Turns out one of the tunnels collapsed and he actually died of dehydration.

Dumbass Contest: The Answer Is C.

#1. Mike in Walnut Creek: 2 for 2 WINNER!

Sexy Time Fun Facts:

Pointless Poll: Does Your Partners Sexual Past Matter?

Yes: 45.7%

No: 54.3%

> A study showed that people who didn't eat breakfast lose their virginity earlier. The study also showed that people who dislike their mom lost their virginity earlier.

> You have 2 daughters, which one will lose their virginity first? This study shows that the first born girls tend to lose their virginity later than the younger siblings. Since older kids tend to align themselves with their parents, they hold off on the sex.

> This survey took place in the UK: About 1/3 of teens express regret about their first time. 1/5 of girls regret it and 38% of boys say they regret it. Teens are also much more likely to get it on during the holidays.

Do you Regret your first time??

Ravey: No

Menace: Yes

Greg: No

Tony: No

Woody: No

Katie: No

Round Number 2 of News:

> The guy who won the $500,000 in a fund raiser against rape and who was a convicted sex offender. A stranger came up and asked if he was the man who won. When the sex offender said yes, the stranger got out a tire iron and bashed the guy in the head 10 times.

> The kids with the Hitler/Aryan nation names, authorities have removed the children from the house. The parents say they don't know why the kids were taken because there was no abuse charges or reports filed.

> Authorities arrested down-and-out Indiana businessman Marcus Schrenker, 38, at a Florida campground Tuesday night after they say Schrenker faked a plane crash by issuing a phony distress call, then parachuted to safety and fled on a motorcycle he stored before his flight.

Crap on Celebrities:

> Jennifer Garner has named her new daughter Sarahfina.

> Hugh Laurie admitted that he was an arrogant teen that took a vow to never live beyond 40. They said that they would kill themselves at 40

> Kendra Wilksonsin is now out of the Playboy mansion and she admits to cheating on Hugh Hefner.

Porno Birthday: This one is Sabrina Dawn has been in 82 fine films including, "Jungle Beaver," "City Lickers," and "Grandma Does Dallas" She is 37.

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Tony's Just a Headline: "2 Men Face Charges For Penis Tattoos"

MMMMM....Sardines.

2009-01-14T05:29:00.000-08:00

This weather is freaking me out. It was windy as hell, but warm..... in January. Really? It's unfortunate that I have made it a habit to drink at least 2 Red Bulls by 11:00am. BUT they are just so good I can't help myself.

Today's Intern: Jessica

Kids Suck, Here's Why: Goooooood Morning! It is Wednesday! Who's home city does this one belong to?: A flyer headline, "Why I Hate Black History Month" was sent home with a bunch of students because it was about how it shouldn't just be February, but it should be all year. There were so many complaints, that the flyer was soon changed to "Why I Love Black History Month." That's right, its from St. Louis. That's funny, 3/4 of the students were black. There is a new IPhone app where it is like a foggy window and you can write in the steam, like you're writing with your finger in a foggy mirror or window. Yeah, these dorks who made the app have already made $100,000. When a fight broke out at Patterson High School, police and school officials put the school on lock for 4 hours. Students who had to use the bathroom either held it or used the trash can. To make sure that the bathroom never happened again, the school authorities spend $1400 to put a portable bathroom kit in each class, complete with folding toilet, seat covers, and a privacy tarp. Imagine Menace being stuck in that situation. Tony pooped at work yesterday. This started a whole caca talk. Tony shared a sweet story with us. Dean was eating the other day and he decided to change his own diaper without taking it off. He reached into his diaper and pulled out a hand full of caca. Woody, good luck dude. Ravey had a similar story, her nephew did the same thing but she couldn't get to him fast enough, and it was used as paint. Caca paint. This is the point when Woody said, "F that, I'd throw the wall away." Now onto fat people. A Kansas woman told the news that her local hospital sent her to the zoo for a MRI because she wouldn't fit in their machine. Too fat to adopt, authorities told a British that he couldn't adopt a kid because he was too fat. He has to lose weight in order to adopt because he is unhealthy and unfit to be a parent.

Ask The Woody Show: This one is from Nick

in Los Gatos, for the past few months all his girlfriend talked about was how bad she wanted to join a gym but she didn't want to spend the money. For her Christmas present he bought her a year membership, when he gave her the present, she FLIPPED. Did he do something

wrong??

Ravey: That's a horrible present, if she wanted it, she'd get it.

Menace: Women suck. Basically sums up what he said.

Greg: Not for Christmas, get her it for some other thing.

Woody: If she hadn't been talking about it, it would have been bad, but considering she was talking about it so that's ok.

Tony: It's fine, she asked for it. Should have gotten her something else along with it.

Katie: If it is all he got her that kinda sucks, but she was always talking about it, PLUS it's expensive, he wasn't trying to hurt her feelings.... It's a toss up.

Listeners: Was This Messed Up?

Yes: 14.3%

No: 85.7%

Douche Bag of the Day: This guy, Nicoli, is suing Hooters because they refuse to hire men. It's called HOOTERS..... HOOTERS = BOOBIES. Dumbass.

All Menace thinks about is food. Wherever we say we're going to go, he gives us a restaurant recommendation. 99% of Menace's twitters are pictures of food.

Jake in Pacifica called in with a sweet story. Last night on American Idol, one of the contestants, who was blind, got through to Hollywood. When the man walked out of the audition, Ryan Seacrest walked up to him and tried to high five him. Watch it Here!

News with Greg Gory:

> The bart cop who was involved in the shooting on New Years was arrested on homicide charges yesterday. He is also on suicide watch. Grants family is suing for $25,000,000.

> An off duty police officer was waiting in line at Walmart

when a kid cut in line. The cop told the kid that he

has to wait his turn, the dad of the kid then came and said, "Mind your own business or we can settle this outside." The cop says that he's a cop and that he'll have an on duty cop come down and take care of it. The line cutters left and got in their vans and the cop stood behind the van so they couldn't leave.

The dad backed the van up over the cops legs, after that the kid got out and started to fight the cop. Retards.

> American Idol is suing a strip club for having a "Stripper Idol" contest.

Sports with Ravey:

> The Sharks destroyed the Lightning

> The Magic scored 23 - 3 pointers last night

> The Warriors play tonight

> Steelers are officially the favorites to win the Superbowl

> Plaxeco Burress will be in court today on another matter. He leased a Chevy in 2004 and it ended up being impounded during a shooting and the dealership never got it back.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Jennifer Hudson will be returning to the stage for the first time since her family was killed

> Jackie Chan is in negotiations to play Mr. Miyagi and Will Smith's kid will play the karate kid.

> Wall-E was ranked as the top movie of last year

> Arrested Development movie is in play.

> American Idol continues tonight

> LOST returns next week

> Night Rider will be on NBC

Final Word: Naomi Watts, who is back in shape after being pregnant. "I'm breast feeding and he's sucking it all out of me."

There is a New Kids On The Block cruise you can go on. Menace is stoked to hang out with the

guys.

Hard Core Restaurant News:

> On Sunday, 2 - 22 year old guys busted into a sushi restaurant with guns. The guys first decided to hit the tip jar. At this point 8 waiters with sushi knives attacked the robbers and made them regret their decision. They stabbed him and he was rushed to the hospital but died a few hours later.

> Last year, a couple decided to take their relationship to the next level and commit some crimes together. They caught wind of the fact that an owner of a restaurant leaves with

$30,000. The couple was going to rob the guy, when they tried to get the guy to hand over the bag and he said no, the boy got out his gun and accidentally shot his girlfriend in her hip. The owner dropped the bag and ran. Turns out, the bag was actually filled with bread rolls. Oh yeah, and the couple broke up.

> A couple were stretching out their meal over 5 hours. The waiter was bringing them their desert when they decided to leave, with out paying their $400 bill. The owner wished to God that he'd see them again. Well he got his wish. Later, he went to his other restaurant when he saw the other couple ordering ANOTHER expensive meal. When the tried to leave, the owner

chased them, beat the guys ass, and held him until the cops got there.

> This guy must really love his job. Last week, a 45 year old waiter from Boston was working the late shift at the Z Square. Around 3:00 am he stepped outside of the restaurant for a second, and he was approached by 2 black men in their 20's. One guy asked him for a dollar but the waiter said he didn't have any money. The guy grabbed him and the other man pulled out a switchblade and stabbed the waiter in the penis. The waiter went in the bathroom, tied a cloth to his junk, and finished his shift out for 2 more hours.

> The owners of a Florida Pita Pit have launched an extensive investigation after a chair was stolen from the restaurant. According to the owner the theft took place in broad daylight. "Who steals a chair from the Pita Pit?"

The Most Unappreciated Jobs:

> Menace's dream job, a desert developer. This lady sits in her office and tastes different puddings all day long.

> An Australian Company is announcing that they need a care taker of a private island. The job entails: A daily blog, cleaning the pool, feeding the fish, getting the mail, and maintaining the 3 bedroom house that the company provides you. The job only requires you to work for 6 months a year, all of your living costs are paid for, and the salary is $106,000

> The 7 Most Unpopular Jobs

7. High School Lunch Ladies

6. Grocery Store Shelf Stockers

5. Road Kill Cleaner Upers

4. Over Night Pharmacist

3. Road Construction Workers

> 5 Least Desired Jobs:

5. Lawyer

4. Advertising Professional

3. Musician

2. Journalist

1. Actor

> 5 Most Desired Jobs

5. Home Worker

4. Tech Specialist

3. Scientist

2. Doctor

1. Teacher

News with Greg Round 2:

> In Laguna beach a couple was sitting on a pier eating ice cream. A seagull came down and tried to eat the ice cream and it hit the wife in the head. The guy started beating the hell out of the bird with a stick. It had to be put down, problem is, the bird was on a protected animals list and the man was cited on animal cruelty

This started chicken talk. We decided that we are going to bring a chicken into the studio, dress Tony up as a chicken, make him chase a chicken, and it's going to RULE!!

Happy Happy Story Time: Ozzy the 5 year old dog was watching the family play Wii. They then hit the dog on accident with the Wii controller in the temple and killed it instantly.

Got Game With Steve Masters:

> There is like a Photoshop for your Wii.

> There is a speculum for Web Bush has found that there will be a $100 price drop on the PS3

> They lost me here, we were giving away games.

Dumbass Contest: Woody Show Jepordy!

#1. John in Alameda: No Win! 200 points

#2. Jim in SF: No Win! 500 points.

#3. David in San Ramon: WINNER 800 points!

Tony's Just a Headline: "Hulk Abandons Used Sex Dolls"

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Pickle VS. Pinnacle

2009-01-13T05:20:00.000-08:00

Good Morning Everyone! It is below freezing in this room. Greg Gory must be in control of the AC. Time: 5:22am -- I'm in the middle of drinking a Red Bull and eating chips. Healthy? I think not. Do I care? I also think not.

Today's Intern: Miss Jessica

Menace, Get off your IPhone.: Goooooood

Mornnnning! We all hate Howie Mandel. He had an irregular heartbeat and had to RUSH to the hospital. We thought he died. He didn't. Damn. Maybe someone shook his hand and he freaked out. Woody hates it when he really wants someone to be super nice, and they end up being a C. Ravey is the person who always wins. Every single time! Woody had a pretty good theory. There are eyes in the sky in casinos and they select who wins. Ravey fits that profile apparently. There are some people who go, "She looks nice, she wins."

Ask the Woody Show: This one is from SJ408grl - She's not proud of it but she hooked up with a guy who is friends with her boyfriends best friend. She doesn't remember what he looks like or anything that happened. They are meeting for coffee this week. So, what if he brings up something that happened that night she doesn't remember? Does she act along with it? What if he's heinous? How do I get out of seeing him again? and most importantly, What is her slut rating? 1 - 10

-- He won't bring up what happened, that would be a little strange. If he's ugly, just don't call him again. And for the most important part, the slut ratings.

Woody - Slut rating 10

Tony - Slut rating 6 (He keeps lowering his vote. I lost track after the 3rd switch, so we'll say between 4 and 6)

Greg - Slut rating 5

Menace - Slut rating 9.5

Ravey - Slut rating 11

Katie - Slut rating 10

Listeners: We have a tie. 20.9% for both 5 and 10

News With Greg:

> Obama is going to issue and order possibly on his first day in office to shut down Guantanamo Bay.

> Daniel Patrick has been found guilty for murder after he killed his mother and injured his father after they took Halo 3 from him. This kid is a douche bag. He now faces life in prison. Good, rot you piece of

crap.

> A couple in their mid 20's have been ordered to stay away from each other after a fight over Christmas gifts. The guy was mad at his girlfriend because his lady got him a Wii rather than the remote controlled airplane that he asked for. This ended in them physically fighting.

Sports with Ravey:

> Ricky Henderson and Jim Rice were elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame

> Tony Dunche announced his retirement, he finishes his 13 years as head coach.

> Josh McDaniels is the new head coach of the Broncos

> Tampa Bay Lightning take on the Sharks tonight at the Tank

American Idol is back tonight and I have a feeling it is

going to suck. They are stopping the humiliation (I.E. the

only cool part of the show) segments where they show the people who suck. There is a new judge and a new "Wild Card" round, where you can win your way back into the competition.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> No good CD's or Movies you need to know about.

> U2, Beyonce, Usher, Will.I.Am, etc will perform at the inauguration

> Britney Spears is a rumor artist for Cochella.

> Taylor Swift is going to guest star on CSI tonight.

> American Idol returns tonight with a new judge....some girl Kara...

> 2 new episodes of Scrubs

Final Word: Kid Rock who is never going to be seeking treatment for his issues, "I don't understand rehab, if it works for some people, God bless them."

The writer for Van Halen wasn't meaning to be rude back in the day. They claim that the outrageous requests were just a test to see if the promoters were paying attention. So the request for only brown m&ms was just a test to see if they were paying attention to

EVERYTHING.

HUGE NEWS: There is a Chipotle Application for the IPhone where you can order your food on the phone and go to pick it up. Oh wait, this just magically disappeared off the internet. Thanks Menace.

We had a song about pooping at work. Check out the video HERE

Who Knew??:

> There is an article about 3rd hand smoke. This is from the particles that sticks to clothing and furniture.

> When the holiday is over the Rockafeller Tree has to go somewhere! It will be turned into lumber.

> The Salvation Army has a rule where if you are part of the army you must marry someone who is in the army as well.

> People with bedtime snoring and breathing problems have a higher weight loss rate. This burns 33% more calories.

> According to a new study, the average printer tells you to change the ink cartridge while the

cartridge is still 40% full.

> Teen boys who are either gay or bisexual are much more likely to knock up a girl rather than a straight boy.

> Researchers used ultra sound scans to prove that the g-spot actually exists but problem is, 3 in 4 women do not have one.

> 5 things men don't know about women

1. Women can get blue balls

2. Female mechanics make more than male mechanics

3. 1 in 10 women have never had an orgasm

4. Women buy more cars than men.

5. Women prefer unfaithful partners have meaningless sex

Dumbass Contest: The Sardine Down (Eating Contest)

#1. Marion from Fremont: Went with Greg! WINNER!

#2. Miguel in San Jose: Went with Menace!

Basically, Tony enjoyed, Greg manned up and ate it, and Menace pussed out and puked the whole time.

HOTTIE ALERT!: Wang Gulying from China is a 107 year old who just announced that she is finally ready to tie the knot.

Pointless Poll: What would you do if you knew you would never get caught doing it??

Ravey: Wants to go Oceans Eleven on a Casino

Menace: Would rob Bill Gates

Greg: Tie Alec Baldwin to a chair and punch him all day

Tony: He'd kill someone.

Woody: He'd kill someone as well.

Katie: I'd hurt/kill Nancy Pelosi

News Round 2:

> Bart officials have finished their investigation of the shooting on New Years. They haven't decided if they are going to charge the cop or not.

> Researchers found that getting 8 hours of sleep a night will help you not get a cold.

> A 36 year old man agreed to sell his 14 year old daughter into a marriage with an 18 year old for 100 cases of beer, several cases of meat, and $16,000. When the 18 year old refused to pay up, the father called the cops, told them about the arranged marriage, and tried to get his daughter back. The cops ended up arresting him and he is now in jail.

Crap on Celebrities: (We're so Luffffy)

> Danny Bonaduce will be back on Celebrity Boxing

> Ryan Seacrest got dissed by Brad and Angelina. He talked about it, he said that he doesn't think that they would even know who he was.

> Jennifer Love Hewitt was granted a restraining order against a man who was 60 years old and who has been stalking her since 2007.

Porno Birthday: Tasha Voux this slut has been in 189 fine films including "Romancing the Bones".... She is 51!

The box of crackers that Deborah bought at the store had an envelope with $10,000. Fabulous. Lucky Bitch. The woman called the cops and found it belonged to some elderly woman who returned the box by mistake. The old lady never contacted Deborah or gave her a reward.....That C.

Stupid Human Story: 1) This lady took her 2 kids over to the store to steal stuff. The ironic thing is that she stole a book called "How to be a Great Mom"

2) A lady stole a key chain and when she was arrested, she claimed that she was going into labor. Problem was, she wasn't pregnant.

Greg changed his answer for the pointless poll: He wants to shoot a bazooka at the Foo Fighters plane so he never has to hear their songs EVER EVER EVER AGAIN. He screamed a little here. It was kinda hilarious.

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Tony's Just a Headline: "No Happy Ending In Massage Parlor Heist."

It Is What It Is!

2009-01-12T05:51:00.000-08:00

I wanted today to get here as fast as possible, and this morning, I did NOT want to get up. It was super windy, but warm at the same time. What the hell is going on here?

Today's Intern: Jessica

Ok, You Can Talk Now: Gooooooood Morning!!! Greg's hella excited that it's Monday! Oh we were supposed to be here this next Monday, oh but uhhh....Steelers are going to the Championship! Hell yeah! Where you at Charger fans!? You ish talkers. Ravey and Woody just decided that they are going to the games. This

is a random story: a woman dies in New York after attending a sex orgy. She died of a drug overdose. She had attended the sex orgy with another man and a woman. The man who she went with, was a rich son of a banana importer. (This last sentance was the only reason it was funny) A man crashed his plane by the Dumbarton Bridge. He escaped without injury. Really? He crashed his plane and walked away from it? Menace is the only person we know who has NO money, who stays at a hotel because he can. Hotels rule by the way, you can destroy things and not have to worry about it, and Greg's favorite part, you can use the towels and just throw them.

Ask The Woody Show: One of our listeners found this story, last November a teacher at an

elementary school, got out his electric razor and asked his students to help him to shave his beard. After 3, 8 year old girls asked to help, he said he wanted them to use the event as a starter as a writing assignment and also if the kids told their parents what happened with the shaver, they wouldn't be allowed to participate in the Christmas party. The girls have asked to be transfered out of the class but the teacher isn't in trouble and the parents are pissed! Is this a big deal??

--The main problem with this, and we all agree, when he said "don't tell your parents" is where he made the mistake.

News with Greg:

> January 20th is the day that we all start riding unicorns to work. Yep, that is inauguration day. Instead of the tax payers paying for it, the Obama's are paying the bill themselves. This turned into a discussion on how they should make a show where

they redecorate their entire house just like the White House.

> In Missouri, a 40 year old woman was charged with first degree assault after she said that she wanted to kill her husband then dumped a couple things of Visine in her husbands drink.

> The guy that won the $500,000 prize at a convention standing together against rape, is A 3 TIME SEX OFFENDER. After taxes he is taking home $300,000 and he said he is going to donate $100,000.

Sports with Ravey:

> The Titans lost to the Ravens

> The Panthers lost to the Cardinals

> The Giants are now considering hanging onto Plaxeco Buress

> The Steelers beat the Chargers! The Chargers had 1 offensive play in the 3rd quarter, and it was an interception.

> Warriors got a big win over Indiana

> Sharks play Tampa Bay tomorrow at the Tank.

Stupid Human Story: This woman named Linda, got her car stuck on some train tracks. Instead of getting out of her car, she sat in the car and called 911 to tell them that she couldn't get her car to go forward or backwards, but she didn't listen. While she was on the phone with 911 she was hit by a train and she died.

Ravey's Music and Entertainment Report:

> Grand Torino took in $29 million this weekend.

> Slumdog Millionare cleaned up at the Critics awards

> The Wrestler won best actor award

> HBO dominated the television awards

> My Chemical Romance singer is auctioning off his comic which is autographed

> Soda Toys is releasing plush Fall Out Boy talking dolls that have 4 sayings recorded that play when you squeeze their bellies.

> The 5 stars of "How I Met Your Mother" have received some huge raises. $20 - $25 thousand per episode

Final Word: Comes from Actor, Daniel Craig who said that he could never play the Oaisis

guitar player, "That's ridiculous, I play guitar way better than Noel so I don't know how that would work out."

Random Stories:

> Update on a story. These kids were going though a paper and saw in the obituary that this girl had died. They thought that she was hot and they wanted to have sex with her. They then went to the cemetery to dig her up to have sex with the body. First they grabbed condoms...morons. The charges were dropped because necrophilia wasn't illegal at the time but the charges have been back up. They were arrested but they are now claiming that they had been arrested illegally.

> In Rhode Island 2 high school boys had tried to get to school on time. These kids stole a car just to get to school on time.

> Woman experience the miracle of "beer goggles" more powerfully and for more time, than men.

Crunkin' and Drunkin' Stories:

> Loud music makes you drink more and faster. Research shows that beer drinkers who were in quiet bars drank less.

> In Florida, a man fired his gun into a pond several times, until he puked, and decided he felt better. He was charged with misdemeanor use of a fire arm (30 shots) and using a weapon while under the influence.

> A bus driver made an unexpected stop to a liquor store and asked the students to hide her purchases in the bus.

> A 17 year old girl called 911 to report.... that's right.... herself. She called herself in for drunk driving.

> A woman was trying to avoid a drunk driving charge. When she was getting pulled over she put her 15 year old in the driver seat. The mom blew a .246. Holy Ish.

Dumbass Contest: Ipod Challenge Woody VS. Tony

#1. Courtney in Livermore: 2 for 2!! Winner!

Katie: 1 outta 3

Menace: 0 for 12948373

What Would Happen If.....? ("FINAL-EFFING-LY"- GREG)

> What would happen if I dropped a penny off the empire state building?: If you dropped a penny off the empire state building perfectly, but it wouldn't kill you, and you could probably catch it if you wanted. BUT if you dropped a pen, it would fall at 200 mph and would spear someone.

> What would happen if I put foil in the microwave?: It makes sparks and it wouldn't heat the food because the waves bounce off the foil.

> What would happen if I save all my money in my mattress?: you're money would stay the same, you'd get no interest.

> What would happen if I got shocked with heart paddles?: your heart could stop then you'd have to get paddled again. It feels like getting hit in the chest with a baseball bat.

> What would happen if I never turn off my computer?: The less you turn your computer on and off the better.

> What if I never cut my hair? : your hair will only grow so long, so it won't end up growing forever.

> What if I never changed the oil in my car?: it would harden your engine and basically shut your car down.

> What if I stuck my finger into a gun barrel?: You'd lose your finger and part of your hand.

> What if I cooked something at 700 degrees? : you'd burn it, period.

> What if I left my seat reclined on the plane?: you could get whip lash

> What if you drank gasoline?: you'd need to get help, but if you only drank a little bit you should be ok but a little sick.

> What if I touch jumper cables together: you could cause a huge spark. duh.

> What if I make a citizens arrest?: you can't physically touch them and you can be charged with battery if you harm them.

News Round Two, with Greg Gory:

> Times are tough, for everyone, except prisoners. He said that the prisoners deserve a holistic lifestyle. They are going to spend $8 million on these people. They'll have gyms, basketball courts, game rooms, music rooms, etc. THEY ARE IN JAIL, DOES NO ONE UNDERSTAND THIS?!?!?!

> This guy killed his wife and children by cutting their hearts out. Right before his trial he poked out his eye to appear unstable. He went through the

trial, got sentenced to death, and while in jail he poked out his other eye.... and ate it!

> Congrats to Paul and Kara Brooks who got married this weekend.... At Taco Bell. The bride wore a hot pink dress that was $15. The whole wedding cost them a total of $200.

> HOLD THE PHONE EVERYONE: Woody saw the slider cooker at Target this weekend. You don't need this, it is the dumbest thing ever, until we heard Tony say this. Tony used his Macy's gift card and he buys a quesadilla maker. Are you effing kidding me??

Tony is in quite the "pickle"... Don't get it? Click HERE then click "Archives" and go to 8:55 am

Bad Babysitting Stories:

> There was a 5 year old who had a babysitter who collapsed. The babysitter fell over and was unconscious. This child then called 911 and was very calm and collected on the phone. This child was awesome.

> An angry 4 year old grabbed a gun from the closet and shot his babysitter because the sitter accidentally stepped on his foot.

Random Ruling Story:

> Alien hunters set up a service where they will shoot your message into space for $20. They do this with hopes that an alien will text them back. Check it out here!

Crap On Celebs:

> Paris Hilton made a song about being in jail. She sucks.

> Kanye West can sing. It's horrible. He wants less fans anyways. He wants to pose nude too....Gross.

> Brad Pitt, who is in the new movie Benjamin Button, owes his peaceful relationship to his latest film. "Me and Angie don't fight anymore."

> If you haven't seen it, Ryan Seacrest got BURNED by Brad and Angelina at the Golden Globes. Check it out HERE!

Porno Birthday: Her name is Cherokee this slut has starred in 207 amazing films including "9021 Hoe" and "Bare Back Mounting" She is 27.

Tony's Just a Headline: "Judge Judy Beats Oprah."

Woody is ALIVE!!!

2009-01-09T05:56:00.001-08:00

Alllright, well, we're back.....for reals this time! Woody is here! Hopefully I can pick this up, I'm a little out of practice. Sitting in front of me is a venti coffee and a red bull, caffeine high anyone?

Today's Intern: Andrea

And what do you have to say for yourself?: Gooooooood Morning!! And he lives! We are all eager to know how Woody's massive

disease is. He thought it was food poisoning, because at about 11:30 he felt like a city bus fell on him. He was throwing up stuff from back in '93. Woody is no good at being sick, he can't be at home sick. Woody was in bed Tuesday and Wednesday, yesterday he made it downstairs to play some Madden 09 where he dominated. He is now on antibiotics.... duh. Woody is the king of drugs. Our cameras apparently suck, hard....and other stations have GREAT stuff that looks way better than ours and those stations aren't even top 20!!! WTF. Listeners, you should be pissed. We give away the worst stuff. Brian in Napa called and let us know that there are some sick parents out there letting people dip their new born babies in bacteria for UTI studies. REALLY?! Wow. True Story: Woody was in the airport and saw a baby drop its pacifier on the floor of the airport. He then saw the mother pick the pacifier up, put it in HER MOUTH, then put it back in the baby's.

News with President Gory:

> More protests in Oakland last night, but they were much calmer. Oscar Grant's mother was very cool. She was begging for the violence to end, that them hurting other people was doing nothing but making things worse.

> SF authorities are trying to find the person who has been setting porta potties on fire around the city. Woody - "I'm the doodie flamer"

> The man who accidentally ran over John Gotti's son

was dumped in a vat of acid by a hit man.

Sports with Dust Buster Ravey:

> Ravens and Titans play Saturday

> Cardinals and Panthers also play Saturday

> Giants and Eagles play on Sunday

> Steelers and Chargers play on Sunday

> NBC will be charging massive rates for the adds during the Superbowl. It is now $3,000,000 for 30 effing seconds.

> Sharks are playing the Oilers tonight

> Warriors play tomorrow night in Portland

We found out that God hides in weird places. Jail, death row, on the bathroom floor while purging, etc. The reason I say this is because Woody found God while he was near death this week.

Who Friggin Cares??: There is nothing but silence coming from the Red Hot Chili Peppers, they aren't planning on hitting the studio anytime soon.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Bride Wars is out today

> Slumdog Millionaire got 5 trophies last night.

> Hollywood Undead's "Johnny 3 Tears" is now in jail until February 3rd. This is for Tony.

> Hollywood Undead will be here February 30th..... - Menace. Think about that one.

> I couldn't compose myself after this point. This entertainment report is over.

Random News: Former Cosby star, Lisa Bonet, and her husband Jason Momoa welcomed their new baby, Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakeaha Momoa. This child is screwed.

Neighbors Goin Against The Grain:

> A woman was home when her doorbell rang. She looked out the window and saw a red jeep in her driveway. She decided not to answer the door because she didn't know the car Her neighbor then came over and when the woman answered the door for her friend, she noticed a large deuce on her front porch. Where did it come from? A woman from Mary K was driving around and really really had to go.

> A Pennsylvania man is facing prison after tearing his neighbors door open with a chainsaw over parking.

> In Memphis: police say that a dispute between neighbors led to a woman throwing lit bottles of gasoline at her neighbors house.

> New York: A man had been sprinkling roofing nails on the driveways of people he didn't like to cause flat tires. He has been doing this for 2 years. The 60 year old man has been charged with vandalism and harassment.

Pointless Poll: What have you done to your

neighbors or what have they done to you?

Woody: Would take his neighbors car cover off, egg the car, and put the car cover back on.

Menace: Used to wrap his friends cars in plastic

wrap.

Breaking news, Menace pooped in the Movin 99.7 bathroom. He got bare naked. It would be funny if the fire alarm went off and we had to evacuate.

Dumb Ass Contest: Bacon or No Bacon?

#1. Ramon in Brentwood 0 for 2 No Win

#2. Vanessa in Hayward 2 for 2!! WINNER!!

Ruben in Concord who paints cars for a living called in and said that our bologna trick does work and it actually dyes the paint. NOTE: We are NOT telling you to do this to all your friends, it is simply a conversation piece.

News Round 2 with Greg:

> Back in 2001 a woman was on the verge of death. Her husband stood up and decided to donate one of his kidneys to her. After the procedure he found out the bitch was cheating on him. So he is giving her 2 options: 1) give him his kidney back or 2) $1.5 million

Norm McDonald is here!!

He is Steve-less, instead he has Brian.

Brian is supposed to have jokes, but he failed us horribly.

Anyways, check Norm out at Cobbs!!

Friday, January 9th - 8:00 pm and 10:15 pm

Saturday, January 10th - 8:00 pm and 10:15 pm

Sunday, January 11th - 7:00 pm

Get yourself Some Tickets...Click HERE!

This segment turned into genius thoughts with Norm McDonald.

Jan Wahl is here!

> Ugly Betty star is pregnant with her first kid and they will welcome the baby at the end of July

> Jamie Lynn Spears is planning her wedding.

> Fergie and her Fiance had a joint bachelor and bachelorette party. Not cool.

> Zach Braff is one of the most popular people on Myspace.

Porno Birthday: Kim Chambers this mattress actress has stared in 212 fine films including the "Sexorsist"...How old is she??? She is 35!!! SLUT

Wow, What a Week.

And We're Baaaaaaaaaack!

2009-01-05T05:26:00.000-08:00

Holy crap that was a long ass break. I can't even lie, I'm excited to be back. We had two whole weeks off and it ruled!!!!! Jessica and I both agree that two weeks seemed like an effing year.

P.S. I've forgotten how to blog, so bear with me.

Today's Intern: Jessicaaaaaaaaaaa!

More Blah Blah: Goooood Morning!! We started off the right way, Tony's mic wasn't on. We forgot how to do radio. Everyone looks the same, except everyone is fatter. Woody is back on his hard core diet, we call this "boring Woody". Granola and football don't go well together. Greg is the only person who will go to a football game and drink numerous little plastic cups of wine. We came to the conclusion that Ravey and Greg have already started the year off bitching. Greg is a technical retard, not that he's actually retarded, but that anything with technology with turn him into a retard. This turned into a lets all bash Greg session. One of Woody's resolutions is to be less negative...(yeah, goooood luck dude) We believe that Ravey is more brave than anyone who...poops in public. This next story is why.

Ravey's Disaster Story: So Ravey comes into her house, which she let people into while she wasn't home to fix the shower, which is why

she is so brave, and she wonders why she is slipping. She turns on her light, and to her sweet surprise, EVERYTHING, and we mean EVERYTHING was caked in DUST. Everything, the couches, wii, wii controllers, kitchen, EVERYTHING. So she called her maintenance guy, named Lucious, and called him basically everything that we'd get fired for saying on the air. They are going to clean it by today, or she is going to kill someone, litterally. More pictures HERE

Ask The Woody Show: This one comes from Kevin in Fremont: How many times a day does your girlfriend or wife call you? He's asking because he's been dating this girl for 5 mont

hs and she calls him 4 or 5 times a day to tell him everything that happens. Is she needy or what?

Ravey: Texting is a good thing.

Woody: Tell her that you're getting in trouble for the phone calls at work

Menace: Good morning text, lunch text, and talk after work.

They also brought up that it could be a trust issue and she's checking in on him. Hope that was some help Kevin.

Facebook Drama:

1) Some Australian couple owed $150,000 in a loan. They were ignoring it and the lawyers have been trying to serve them. Since the couple had their date of birth, email, friends, etc. on their Facebook, they got FACEBOOK

SERVED.

2) Some woman had a picture on her Facebook of her

breast feeding her baby. It was showing everything pretty much, so Facebook took it down. Facebook only responds to complaints so someone had to have complained. She got all pissed because her picture was taken down, and when she asked for an explanation and she didn't get one, she got even more pissed. This started a whole controversy. The woman's argument was that "why is it so wrong, it is very natural." This is where Menace said 2 of the smartest

things I've ever heard: 1) So is taking a crap, but no one needs to see it. and 2) If you're a mom, why the hell are you on Facebook anyways.

Story that reminded us of Tony: In Miami state troopers are looking for a place to take thousands of shoes that were just dumped. There were no signs of a crash, Workers using

a front end loader and a dump truck got them out of the

express way. The officer who found them is hoping someone will take them, because he doesn't want to take them to the dump. Hell, take them to Park Merced to Menace's house!

News with Greggels

> Obama and his wife Michelle moved to D.C. so their daughters could start school today at a private school. He was returning to D.C. after going home for the Holiday, he was "a little choked up" leaving home.

>A man got a letter from the I.R.S. saying that he owed a whole 5 cents. Then he got another letter from the I.R.S. saying that he'll get a refund of 4 cents. Apparently he needs to request the refund, which is total crap.

> A 79 year old man in Connecticut bought a lottery ticket, a short time after getting the ticket, he died of a heart attack. He hadn't known that the day he died he bought the $10,000

,000 winning ticket. His wife was so upset about his death that she almost threw it away, but she decided to take them to the store and she found out that she won.

Sports with Miss Ravey:

> Chargers beat the Colts 23 - 17

> Baltimore beat Miami

> Minnesota got beat by Philadelphia

> Warriors play in Utah tonight

> Sharks play tomorrow

Who Friggin Cares: This one is about Lindsay Lohan! YES! She now has her own line of leggings and her boutique. I hate her.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Marly and Me was on top in the box office

> Will Smith's movies brought in the most revenue of the year

> Cold Play had the second highest selling album of the year

Wheel of Topics:

For, About, or Concerning Women:

> Doctors at a hospital in England says that they are seeing more stories of Penis crushings. More and more little boys are getting their junk slammed in the toilet seat, turning the toilet into a penis guillotine

> For the first time in history, the 3 generations of women, hate each other. This is called Queen Bee syndrome.

> A woman pulled into a Mc Donalds drive through while ignoring a cop who had his lights on with his siren. She thought that they were pulling her over because her license was revoked. She was arrested under suspect of drunk driving.

> A woman set fire to her boyfriends clothing and caused $150,000 of damage at a storage facility.

> There was a woman's magazine that had an article about the best "Way of Revenge" example: YouTube the sex videos, or hack the system and change his password to "assface" - This basically proves that women are the devil, this is horrible.

Dumbass Contest: Who Said It? -- A Playboy Bunny or a 9 Year Old Boy?

#1. Adrian in Hayward - 2 for 2 Winner!!

Random Story: We talked about Kathy Griffen and her flip out at the Count Down on CNN which was HILARIOUS. Check it out HERE.

10 Best TV Shows in 2008

10 . In Treatment

9. Dexter

8. Letterman

7. Fringe

6. Mad Men

5. Lost

4. The Shield

3. 30 Rock (Which in a really high pitched voice, Menace apologized for not liking dahht.)

2. Wire

1. Colbert Report

Pointless Listener Poll: What is your New Years Resolution?

Woody: Stop being so negative and to lose weight. Check this out

Tony: To stop smoking at some point in time

Ravey: Become a better emailer - She doesn't respond for days.

Greg:

Menace: To become more time and money efficient

Katie: To get back in shape

A couple listeners called in and said: Stop smoking weed, stop playing World of Warcraft and get their life

straight, same as Woody - stop being so negative.

Speaking of losing weight: These elephants in NY lost all sorts of weight with some help of their trainers, who say no more jelly beans. Ricky Lake has also dropped some weight, she dropped 140 lbs.

News Round 2 with Greg Gory:

> Twitter scam! According to Twitter if you get an email saying that you have a direct message and it redirects you to a page that looks like Twitter, check the URL so you don't get your password hacked.

> There was a homeowner who lives in Massachusetts who thought it would be a good idea to use a blow torch to melt the ice on his back porch. This resulted in $30,000 damage

> The 88 year old woman who wouldn't give the football back and was arrested, yeah she is now suing the family who "owned the ball" for emotional distress from the numerous objects that are constantly flying into her backyard.

Crap on Celebrities:

> Early last Wednesday - Charles Barkley was arrested for a D.U.I. after running a stop sign. He was out partying hard core. When the got back to the station he said that he was in a hurry to pick up a girl, but he was going to drive around the corner and get a B.J. but since he had gotten one from her the week before and it was the best one in his life, he didn't want to ruin it- He also said he'll tattoo the cops name on his ass if it will help him get out of jail.

> Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Robinson's relationship has started off rocky. They had a HUGE screaming fight while hosting a party. This fight then ended in them punching each other.

> Tom Cruise claims that Scientology helped him get over his Dyslexia.

> A Heroin and Morphine overdose is what killed Dr. Dre's son.

Porno Birthday: Leena - has starred in 105 films including "Dranal Park", "Heinfeld", "Aint Aint Enough", She is 40

Tony's Just a Headline: "Man Who Snatched Wig Will Have To Pay" GETTTTING!!

While We're Away.

2008-12-25T11:34:00.000-08:00

The Woody Show Wishes Everyone A Merry Christmas and a Happy and Safe New Year!!!!!

Suck It!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a Merrrry Christmas!!!

2008-12-19T06:02:00.001-08:00

It was raining like crazy this morning! I kinda liked it. Well everyone, this is the last show of 2008!! Get excited for 2009!!

Today's Intern: Andrea

Comin At Cha!: Goooooood Morning!!! Greg is so bummed out about it being Friday and Ravey is crying about having 2 weeks off. It's Dean's first Christmas and Tony is leaving his wife and baby in St. Louis so he can have a week for himself. Woody talked about plane irritations. "Please wait, we're just a few feet from the gate." He hates waiting for that....because the gate is RIGHT EFFING THERE!!! Other things that are annoying: baggage that takes forever, waiting for a rental car, when you are later on in the boarding list and they make you check your bag, and the response "we're waiting for some paperwork."

Guess The Home State: Last week Heath and Debra Cambel's son is turning 3. They went to the store to get a cake for his birthday but the problem is that they wanted writing on the cake. Their son's name is Adolf Hitler Cambel. His 2 sisters have names along the same line.
#1. Rachel in Hercules - New Jersey Winner!

Friday Song Challenge:
Greg: The Waitresses - Christmas Wrapping 15.2%
Tony: Dean Martin - Baby It's Cold Outside 22.8%
Ravey: The Alarm - Happy Christmas 7.9%
Menace: John Lennon - Happy Christmas 17.1%
Woody: Run DMC - Christmas in Hollis 36.9%

News With Greg:
> The guy who threw the shoe at Bush is saying he's sorry and asking for a pardon. He says what he did was a horrible act. This journalist may be facing 2 years behind bars.
> A Missouri lawmaker wants to officially declare Dec. 25 as "Christmas."
> New federal statistics show that 18% of United States homes ONLY use cell phones. The majority of this percentage is made up of people who are roomates.
> A guy was hit by a stray bullet in the back of his head, and he is back at work but still has the bullet in the back of his head. He sells propane and propane accessories but he says "The bullet hurts, but isn't enough to keep him from his job." The doctors said to not have it removed unless it is hurting him or hitting something.

Ravey has our Sports:
> The Sharks lost to the Redwings 6 -0
> The Colts beat the Jaguars
> Giants play the Panthers on Sunday
> Stealers play the Titans on Sunday
> The Jets, Dolphins, and Patriots are tied in the AFC East
> Raiders play the Texans
> The 49ers play the Rams
> NASCAR has settled the lawsuit with one of the employees. She claims that she was sexually harrassed and discriminated against. 2 other people got fired a long with her.

Happy Happy Story Time: This one is about a 60 year old Japanese man who was at a party celebrating his retirement. The group picked up the 60 year old man and threw him in the air, like saying, "hip hip hooray!" problem is they couldn't catch him. He fell onto the floor, suffered back and neck injuries, suffered respiratory failure, and then died.

Music and Entertainment Report:
> The new Will Smith movie is getting mixed reviews
> Yes Man isn't getting good reviews
> The Day the Earth Stood Still is still getting bad reviews
> Jeremy Piven's doctor thinks his elevated mercury level might be because of Piven's love of Sushi
> Eddy Murphy will not be joining the Batman cast
Final Word: Jim Carey on a project that got away from him "Meet the Parents is something that I created, and the Fockers. Ben Stiller was great."

We are doing our Favorite songs of 2008:
Woody: Paper Planes - MIA
Ravey: Viva La Vida - Coldplay
Greg: Better - Guns N Roses
Menace: Electric Feel - MGMT/Justice
Tony: I'm Not Jesus - Apocalyptica Ft. Corey Taylor
Katie: I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry

Weird and Random Animal Stories
> A woman was selling pierced kittens off the internet. She had a basement where she would groom basically goth kittens.
> A woman over seas somewhere had like 1500 parakeets in her apartment
> Out of Illinois, a woman had rabbits over her house, 69 to be exact in her 1 bedroom apartment.

Holiday Stuff For Ya:

6 Holiday Myths That are Total Crap:

Sugar doesn't make kids hyper.

Suicides don't increase during the holiday

Pointsettias are toxic

You don't lose more heat from our heads than any part of our bodies

People do not gain more weight around the holiday.

Ask The Woody Show: Nate in Petaluma - Where do you guys stand on Christmas Carolers? My girlfriend calls me a downer. I hate them, but how do you guys feel about them?

Ravey: Its Awkward

Woody: Doesn't like anyone coming to his door unless its the UPS man with presents

Greg: Hates it when his phone rings let alone when the door bell rings

Craig Gass is Back!!

He will be at Slims on Dec. 20 at 7:30 and 10:00 pm
Show is 18 and older only!
Want Tickets?? Get them HERE
or call Slims at 415.255.0333

www.myspace.com/craiggass

Dumbass Contest: Dead to real or Completely Retarded

#1. Jeffin San Ramon - 0 for 2 No Win
#2. Daniel in Vallejo - 2 for 2 Winner!

Best Gifts to Get Your Guy, According to Cosmo:

We're determining whether this is legit.
#1. Poker Set No

#2. Stub Hub Gift Certificate No

#3. Swiss Army Knife No

#4. A Hot Sauce of the Month Membership No

#5. A Bathrobe No

#6. Universal Remote No

#7. The Godfather Trilogy

For the person you love who really enjoys caca, They are making Christmas ornaments out of Raindeer poop. only $4.99

Top Ten Christmas Gifts:

#10. Ipod Classic

#9. Panasonic Chordless phone

#8. Tom Tom

#7. Ipod Touch

#6. Blue Tooth

#5. Garmin GPS

#4. Ipod Nano

#3. Wii

#2. Wii Fit

#1. Cannon Digital Camera

Jan Wahl and Her Hat Are Here:

> Jan and Al Pachino got in on back in the Jesus days.

Jan's Top 10:

#10. Sex in the City

#9. Defiance

#8. Cadilac Records

#7. The Visitor

#6. The Boy in the Striped PJ's

I missed the rest of this....

Porno Birthday: Jen X has been in 35 fine films "Bone Bone", "The Second Cumming", "Schindlers Fist" she is 36 years old.

Crunkin and Junkin and Drunkin and Dunkin

2008-12-18T05:58:00.000-08:00

Last night was a freaking blast! Today is going to be a long day but it should rule! Starbucks has never tasted so good!

Today's Intern: Mike

You're Going To Like It A Lot: Gooooooooooooooooood Morning! It feels like Friday, but it's hella not. We had the show Christmas party. Ravey made a delicious buffet last night! She made turkey sliders that were wonderful! Menace was and still is bitching about how hot the turkey sliders were. Menace puked last night. He kept drinking and drinking, then he went out after, and then he puked. He had a strong drink at the bar and puked on Market, then cleaned himself up at a place where his ex-girlfriend just so happened to work. When Menace drinks he starts making booty calls. Menace got Woody and me Iphone battery cases. They rule! There was a story on NBC: some dude got his iphone stolen and he had a app called mobile me. Mobile me connects your phone to your computer and basically backs up his stuff. The next day he got a brand new iphone...later in the day he started noticing unfamiliar contacts showing up in his phone. The theif who took his phone was programming his own information into the phone, but because of the mobile me app, it was now showing up on the NEW iphone. The guy called the cops, they tracked down the phone and the theif, the theif was arrested, and the guy got his phone back and got to sell the brand new one on ebay. A man in Canada is sueing the mother of his child. He doesn't think he should have to pay child support because the woman had sex with him during sleep. Not buying this. Basically this morning's topic was Women are the Devil. End of story.

News with Greggels:

> In Atlanta a woman was arrested for not taking off her head scarf when going through security. She may spend up to 10 days in jail.

> A baby was born with a mass in its brain. When it went in for surgery to remove the mass which they thought was a tumor, they found a fully developed foot. Gross, see it here.

> Last August, a woman from Phoenix named Rosemary Alvarez started experiencing blurred vision and numbness in her arm. She went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a brain tumor. When Rosemary underwent the knife to have the tumor removed, her doctors didn't find a tumor at all, they found a worm that was LIVING IN HER BRAIN. The doctors removed the worm and Rosemary is doing fine. Question is, how the F do you get a worm in your brain. The doctors said there are 2 options: 1. Eating uncooked pork and 2. Eating food that was preparted by someone who didn't wash their hands after using the bathroom. Gross. Check this out.

Sports With Ravels:

> Warriors lost last night. duh

> Tiger Woods had a press conference last night about his knee surgery. He is ready to return to golf

> Lisa Davenport is going to have a baby and is off the tour indefinitely

> Pacman Jones was back at practice yesterday.

Attempt #1 at Douche Bag of the Day: A man spent $7500 trying to fight a $115 ticket. He said that he was given the ticket unfairly and he is going to fight the hell out of it. This isn't a very good one.

Attempt #2 at Douche Bag of the Day: A traffic agent gave Santa a traffic ticket the other day. The Santa was stopped in the street in a horse drawn carriage handing out candy and toys. The ticket was given to the SUV that was trailing the carriage. The ticket was $115. This traffic agent is the Douche Bag of the Day.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Jeremy Piven (who Woody is gay for) quit his Broadway play because his doctors told him to. They found a massive ammount of mercury in his system.

> All the cool people set the penis' to boner. check out http://www.funnyordie.com/

> Million Dollar Password

Final Word: Brad Pitt, explaining that he and Angelina don't go overboard with their kids at Christmas: "The kids dont ask for the big gifts, because they don't see all the American TV that show the huge toys. We figure if they don't see them, they won't know that they are in existance."

Attempt #3 at Our Douche Bag of the Day: John Walker Lindh, the American Taliban guy, who is American born who decided to go to muslim. He was sentanced to jail because he admitted to joining the taliban in 2002. Well, he is now asking George W. Bush to set him free.

Random Story: An Egyptian man announced yesterday that he is offering his daughter for marriage to the man who threw his shoe at President Bush. The daughter agreed and said it would be an honor to be married to a hero.

Who they think we should tip. The response to most of these was HELL NO:

> House keeper tip up to 1 weeks pay and or a small gift

> Barber the cost of 1 hair cut or a small gift

> Dog walker up to one weeks pay or gift

> Personal Trainer

> Pool Cleaner

> Newspaper Delivery person, small tip or gift

> Mail Delivery guy

> Door Man - we actually said yes to this

> Yard Worker - $20

> Teacher - small gift but no cash

Really Cool Santa Story: A 9 year old girl in Texas had a much more disturbing wish. Her letter to Santa asked that her 55 year old relative would stop touching her and her 10 year old sister. This guy has been abusing these girls in their own home while others were sleeping for the past 4 years. This letter was written in class, the teacher saw it, and the teacher called the cops and the man was arrested and charged with 2 counts of sexual abuse and can spend up to 198 years in prison.

Sexy Time Fun Facts:

> Mark Your CalendarsThis year we’re synchronizing in the two-hour period around the Solstice, which falls on Sunday December 21 at 12.04 p.m. (four minutes after noon) Greenwich Mean Time. So in the U.K., Global-O time will be from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. The world is celebrating the election of the new USA President, Barack Obama, and the hope for change that he has stirred in our hearts. We are riding the wave of joy and renewal, which gives us a flying start for this year’s Global O! It’s the Global OOObama Factor! Check the Site Here.

> Thelma called in and told us the most graphic and nasty story about her orgasm during child birth.

> 64% of men say it is important that their partner finishes during sex

> The average guy finishes 4 times per week. 2 times during sex and 2 times by themselves.

> Girls. Have you ever thought about going gay? Even if you aren't into girls? 42% of men and 41% of women admit to cheating, but 37% of women can get over the betrayal but only 5% of men can.

> 7 in 10 men say they please their lady all the time. Most guys rate themselves as either good or excellent

> 1 in 4 women fake orgasms regularly and 1 in 3 guys admit that they have faked the orgasm.

Ask The Woody Show:

Sarah in San Mateo: She's getting off, but her boyfriend isn't. Its consistant. She wants to dump him, should she?

Ravey: They just aren't sexually compatable.

Menace: She's probably busted and she should shut up because she's getting laid.

Greg: He made some churning butter comment. Not mega getting.

Tony: Only thing I heard was "we're sexperts"

Woody: The sexual element of a relationship is key. It's a way of relating to eachother and you have to be in sync this way.

News Round 2 With Greg:

> A couple of billionares are donating $25 million to the SFU Labratory

> In Chico a 6th grade student brought some brownies that his mom made and shared them with the other students. Little did they know that the brownies were pot brownies. The kid is in protective custody and the mother is facing criminal charges.

> A Japanese couple took an United airlines flight, and the husband got freaking wasted and beat his wife with a total of 6 hits in the face. This was 2 years ago, now, the man is SUING UNITED AIRLINES for over serving him.

Dumbass Contest: Who Got it?

#1. Greg in Oakland - 0 for 2 No Win!

#2. David in Livermore - 0 for 2 No Win!

#3. John in SF - 0 for 2 No Win!

#4. Curtis in San Jose - 0 for 2 No Win!

#5. Johnathon in Tracy - Got 1 Right Winner!

#6. Jake in SF - Also a Winner!

What We Learned:

Ravey: Menace either goes on forever or is done in seconds

Menace: Continually and since the beginnign of time, child birth is gross

Greg: The only thing grosser than achieving an o during birth, is a foot in the brain

Tony: The only satisfaction Beth got from Tony was a baby

Katie: We all can relax because when Douche Bag of the Day fails, we can just turn to Tony.

Woody: If hell exists it's filled with women.

Tony's Just a Headline: He screwed this up, by asking for a getting......and now he's pouting.

And You Won't Want It To Stop...Yeah.

2008-12-17T05:59:00.000-08:00

Tony and I went to Starbucks this morning and left intern Jessica. We're dicks. Then the "cool guy" forgot to give us her crossaint. F That. We got Cranberry Bliss Bars. Yum yum Yum

Today's Intern: Jessica who we LOVEEEE

Words and Stuff: Gooooooood Morning! Woody is hating on Santa. The guys who sit in as Santa must hate their lives, and hope that they can eat a bullet. This is the only way to go: Santacon is where 200 people dress as Santa and they booze all night long. Tony wants in!! Woody is no longer invited to the Christmas party. Woody can't figure out what to get me for Christmas. I told him that with all the driving Menace around, he can't go wrong with a gas card. He then made me decide between a Bong or a Rabbit. Considering I'm not a big pot smoker, a Rabbit sounds just fine. We were then talking about a flame throwing guy, and Tardy Tony picks up the Lysol and lights it on fire in the studio. This situation made: A. The place stink and B. Menace got scared. This one is for Menace: There is a new body spray on the market. It is from Burger King and it is called "Flame". The body spray is supposed to smell like flame broiled meat. Get Yours Today! This one is for Greg: A man won the cash prize of $100,000. He won it 11 times! He ended up with $1.1 million. Greg let the fact that we are apparently living together out of the bag today. Dammit.

News with Greg:

> The Adam Walsh (John Walsh is the host of "America's Most Wanted"--his son) case was closed yesterday. Ottis Toole was the man who killed and decapatated the 6 year old boy. Adam was killed 27 years ago.

> Apple Inc. announced that Steve Jobs will not be giving a presentation at this years Mac World get together.

> Airborne is still undergoing its false advertising charges. It doesn't cure the common cold.

Sports with Ravey, "The Sanity Keeper":

> Paton and Eli Manning both voted to the Pro Bowl yesterday

> The Sharks take on the Blue Jackets

> Jerry Porter signed a 6 year, $30 million contract with the Jaguars

> The Warriors are taking on the Pacers

Emails from People:

> Evan - Was talking about how Tony chimed in with the Arab disrespect comment with the shoe throwing. He was apparently wrong. Thanks Evan!!

Ways to Insult People:

#1. In Japan - If you toss someones business card on your desk w/o looking at it

#2. In the Philipines - if you curl your finger at someone like to say come here. It can result in arrest or a broken finger. its like calling someone a dog.

#3. In India and Africa - You can't eat with your left hand because it is used only for your backside

#4. Scandanavia - Looking at the floor when you drink to a toast

#5. In Russia - using your thumb and forefinger to make and ok sign is an insult with sexual intentions

#6. In Buddhist Religion - Patting someone on the head

#7. Argentina - Being on time for a dinner date, it is a sign of greed

#8. North America - To mistake a Canadian for an American or Visa Versa

Music and Entertainment Report

> Anthony Keed is still battling his kidney cancer

> Coldplays record label has forced Youtube to remove a video clip that mashes Coldplay's "Viva La Vida " with Joe Satrianis song. The label could be concerned that the video could be damaging

> Weezer made 6 Christmas songs

> Jessica Alba will be part of the post super bowl episode of The Office

> Tonight is the premiere of Muppets Christmas

> ABC has Pushing Daisies

Final Word: Hillary Duff, disputing rumors that she likes to give lap dances: "Little old me? yeah right, I don't even know how to give a lap dance."

Segment of how KIDS SUCK!!!:

> Illinois police were able to arrest 4 teens who committed a robbery after their footprints were found in the snow. The prints led them from where the crime took place to where they were staying. Police were called after the pizza man was robbed.

> A 50 year old man who told authorities he was fed up with teens toilet papering his house decided to defend his property -- with a squirt gun filled with fox urine. Now, Scott Wagar is in trouble with the law. Wargar pleaded not guilty on Wednesday to misdemeanor assult and other charges.

>The 75-year-old grandmother was strangled, punched, kicked, bound in duct tape and thrown in the trunk of her own car by three young adults. After 26 hours without food or water, Sandy Vinge made a silent plea to God: Either save me, or let me die.
“I told God that,” Vinge, her face still swollen and marked by ugly purple bruises, recalled to TODAY’s Matt Lauer. “Then I asked my late husband, who had just died — I said, ‘Don, tell God [to] help me.’ And he did. That night he helped me. The sheriffs came and they rescued me, because I wouldn’t have lasted long.”For the next 26 hours, police say, the three abductors drove around in Vinge’s car, using her credit cards to buy gas and other items. They never offered anything to Vinge, and when she asked for something to drink because she was desperately thirsty, one of the men smashed her in the face with his fist.

> Nearly 1 in 4 kids have stolen from their parents

> 36% of teens admit they've used the internet to plagiarize an assignment

> 1 in 5 teens have stolen from a friend

Dumbass Contest: Back Your Holiday Horse

#1. Vick in San Jose goes with Ravey: No Win

#2. Will in San Jose goes with Greg: No Win

#3. Casey in Sonoma goes with Woody: Winner!!!

#4. Robert in Ripon goes with Menace (not by choice): No Win....it was hopeless from the start

News Round 2 With Mr. Gory:

> Coolest Story of the Day: The Cleveland clinic announced yesterday that the first full face transplant in the United States.

> A woman brought home 27 dogs and she got homes for all but 4 of them. She hopes to find a home for the 4 dogs....before her husband gets home.

> Last Thursday, a 34 year old guy named Charles Pernot beat up and robbed an unidentified 44 year old in Delaware. The next day, Charles, the attacker, called the victim and said he'd tell him who paid him to do it for $500. So the next day the 2 guys met up and Charles, the attacker, played a recording of a phone call between him and the victim's former father-in-law. On the tape, the former father-in-law said he'd pay the guy $1200 to beat up his former son-in-law and that he'd be throw in an extra 3 grand if he castrated him. The former father-in -law and Charles have been charged with attempted robbery and conspiracy.

Got Game with Steve Masters:

> Doctors just diagnosed a kid with a mental detachment with his Playstation.

> Daniel Petric was a normal 16 year old sophomore in highschool and like many kids his age he loved videogames. But when his parents forbade him from playing Halo 3 he went off of the deep end. First he snuck out of the house to purchase the game himself at a local videogame store, but when he arrived home his parents caught onto his little plan and confiscated the game. His father took the newly purchased copy of Halo 3 and locked it away for safe keeping in his lockbox, along with a hand gun he had to protect the household from invaders. This sent Daniel over the edge, he went into his fathers lockbox and retrieved his game, his fathers gun and then walked into the room both his parents were in and said, "Would you guys close your eyes? I have a surprise for you." When both parents obliged, Daniel opened fire shooting and killing his mother with a head shot, while his father suffered a critical injury. Daniel then tried to cover up his heinous act by giving his father the gun, trying to make it look like a murder suicide. Things didn't go his way when his sister and her husband showed up to watch a local baseball team play. Daniel told them they couldn't come into the house because the parents had just had a "big argument," his father heard this and managed to get out a scream for help to alert his daughter and her husband.

> We got to play with the headplay cinemas This thing is so cool! It does make you look like a mega dork.

What We Learned:

Ravey: Headplay can truely be an awesome thing.

Menace: He still knows nothing about Christmas songs

Greg: The Cleveland clinic is Meca and there is hope for him.

Tony: This was a mess and isn't worth typing....he was uninvited from show Christmas for this one.

Woody: How to talk to 19 year olds.

Katie: Menace should move to Argentina because being late is curtious and being on time is rude.

Tony's Just a Headline: "TV Farmer Slammed for Fingering His Chickens."

Wahh-mulance.

2008-12-16T05:26:00.000-08:00

We're back! I can't lie, I am excited. It was a long weekend...with LOTS of rain/hail/snow (in some bay area places) and power-outs. And it's HELLA raining right now. Glad I didn't slip while running the 10 feet from my car to the door. Phew. That would be embarrassing wouldn't it?

Today's Intern: Sarah

Wait, What chu say?: Gooooood Morning! "It's hella raining bluhhhd." - Menace. Menace got a new iPhone. There were a million emails about Menace, it turned into a make a wish foundation for Menace. Menace got Starbucks this weekend and was bitching about how hot it was. "It's boiling hot water, in a cup, does it need to be that EFFING hot!?" Funny thing was, his priority in this particular situation was to email Woody to share his horrible experiance. Next time Menace gets food, they will cut it and blow on it for him. I guess to put this blog in its correct format I should separate the email from the body of the blog, so here we go.

Emails from the Peoples:

Menace: I went to Starbucks and got a passion fruit tea (manly in itself), and it was wreally wreally hot.....and it burned me! Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Much better.... anyways. Greg finally got his TV and we discovered how technically retarded Greg is. He doesn't know if he has HD on his cable box. He doesn't know what the imput cables are. He can't figure out the song. He peeled off the sticker and it left a sticky mark on the front of it. We're off to a bad start with this whole TV thing.

News with Greg:

> Iraq journalist threw his shoes at Bush. In the middle of the news conference with Mr Maliki, Iraqi television journalist Muntadar al-Zaidi stood up and shouted "this is a goodbye kiss from the Iraqi people, dog," before hurling a shoe at Mr Bush which narrowly missed him. Watch the Video Here.

> New York Democrat said Monday that Caroline Kennedy has begun making calls to New York officials to officially express her interest in replacing Hillary Clinton in the United States Senate.

> Governor Patterson is not too happy about a bit on SNL that shows him kind of babbling around and having trouble. Because he is blind he was very offended, problem is, he said, "I got a chance to see it...." Did ya? Watch it Here

Ravey has our Sports:

> After teasing us last week, the arena football league cancelled its 2009 season.

> Sharks beat LA in a shoot out this weekend.

> Redwings lost last night to Colorado

> Eagles beat the Browns

> Warriors lost to the Magic last night.

> Tiger Woods' caddy shot his mouth off this weekend.

Stupid Human Story: A woman in Indiana was arrested after she lit up a joint in front of an officer. The woman was in the passenger seat of a car that had been pulled over for a traffic violation. While the cop was talking to the driver, the woman asked if she could smoke. He said yes, and she lit up a cigarrette which turned out to be a weed cigarrette, she was arrested on the spot. Effing idiot.

Music and Entertainment Report with Ravels:

> Fall Out Boy's latest album is out today, it was supposed to be out on Election day but they didn't want to take from Obama's win.

> Mama Mia is out today

> Mummy is also out today

> There will be a Guitar Hero Metallica released in 2009 and it will include 28 Metallica songs

> Pearl Jam will be made availiable for Rock Band

> Kevin Cogil was arrested for leaking Guns N' Roses songs. He pleaded guilty

> Jack Black will guest star in the post SuperBowl episode of the Office

> Will Smith has finalized sequels to 2 of his recent movies Hancock and I am Legend

> Tonight is the season finalle of Biggest Loser

Final Word: Axel Rose was answering online questions from fans. The question was, "Why he didnt release Chinese Democracy as a solo album?", "This is who i am , i dont see myself as only guns, but I do see myself as the only one from the past who is trying to take us forward"

Ask The Woody Show: From Julie: Is meeting up with an ex behind your new boyfriend's back considered cheating?? She asked him, and he said no, but she still wants to do it because it's just a harmless lunch.... Yeah OK.

What We Think: It's a mix up here in the station. Woody considers this cheating. The rest of us just think that it is lying. It will lead to nothing beneficial for your relationship. Anything that you can't do honestly in front of your boyfriend isn't a good idea. There is no such thing as a harmless lunch with an ex. Meance says Shut up Slut. Majority Rules from The Woody Show: All 6 of us say Bad Idea!!!!

Christmas Stories:

> A 4 year old triggered the silent alarm on the store across the street from his house. The child got out of his house and walked across the street and tried to get into the store. He couldn't get in through the front but he managed to trigger the back silent alarm.

> An elf working for a mall was going a story for AOL news and said a woman was waiting in line for about an hour for santa. The woman was being such a nut case about getting a good picture. Problem was, the kid was afraid of Santa, and woudln't smile. The woman went crazy, started cursing at the Santa, then took the kid outside and got "rough" with him.

> Farmers who rent animals for nativity scenes say that business is steady. There is only one issue and that is that camels are a little expensive and people are choosing cheaper livestock to replace them.

> A woman in Maryland is being charged with theft after swiping her neighbors Christmas decorations and using them as her own.

Comic Craig Gass is in the House!
He will be at Slims on Dec. 20 at 7:30 and 10:00 pm

Show is 18 and older only!

Want Tickets?? Get them HERE

or call Slims at 415.255.0333

Dumbass Contest: Impossible Holiday Trivia

How many Christmas gifts did my true love give to me in the 12 days of Christmas?

#1. Chris in SF - 78 Winner!

We do understand that the answer was in fact 364, sorry ladies and gents, "it is what it is"

Pointless Poll: Who do you think is sexy but NO ONE else does??

Ravey: Philip Seymour

Menace: Ugly Betty Chick - America Ferrera

Greg: Ellen Degeneres

Tony: Bridget Nielson

Woody: Tina Fey

Craig Gass: Queen Latifah

Katie: Mark Hoppus

News Round 2:

> The Obama cabinet is reppin the bay! Obama chose Steven Chu to be his energy chief.

> A man in Nutley, NJ is trying to pay off a $56 parking ticket. He is trying to pay it off in pennies and he is now being told that he can't pay it. They then said that he would have to put his name and licence number on each roll. He asked if he would have to put that info on each bill if he paid in $1 bills. They had no response and they put a warrant out for his arrest.... saying he didn't pay it, and also means that he had to pay an extra $90 to get out of jail. WTF?

Psycho Chick: Some chick named Sondra went to the Giants game wearing a Santa outfit, fishnet stockings, a skirt, a swimsuit bottom, and high heels. She was holding 2 signs. "Go Giants" and "Have a Gun Free Christmas"...The security then escorted her because she was dressed innapropriately and there were children present. She said she got kicked out because "other women just got jealous and complained."

What We Learned:

Ravey: Global warming is a myth because its snowing in Berkeley

Menace: Greg is legally insane

Greg: There is a diff between a cable box and an HD cable box

Tony: A Dave Chappel story is just Craig repeating his stand up bit.

Woody: Despite our friendships no one on this show will ever have to fight over a woman.

Katie: The next time I order a salad and there is lettuce in it, I am so emailing Woody.

Tony's Just a Headline: "Ass Man Retained As County Engineer"

Oh No My IPhone!!

2008-12-12T06:01:00.000-08:00

Blah. Ravey said I need to bring the positive today. So that's what I am going to do. Whooooptie Doooo.

Today's Intern: Andrea

ZzZzZzZzZ: Goooooooood Morning! If we make it through this show, we'll be great. We only had a couple rough occurances last night. Itzhak was the highlight last night. They wouldn't let him bring his guitar in last night, so we had some drama with him. We thought he was going to have to perform acapela. We got the guitar and we didn't hear one boo. People were actually singing along. Woody forgot his cell phone today, and is feeling hella naked. Menace's phone looks a little bizzare, oh yeah, it's broken. Tony was drunk last night and stepped on Menace's phone. Menace claims that the phone was under the couch and Tony stepped on it while it was under the couch. Menace is really upset. Tony needs to apologize to Menace and me. I was joking around with him and he called me an "effing C-word" in an angry tone and I have witnesses. Tony hasn't given us a sincere word yet. Greg can't even put on the act today, he isn't the slightest bit upset that it's Friday.

Friday Song Challenge: Our Favorite Songs of 2008

Ravey: Coldplay - Viva La Vida 16.7%

Menace: Justice - Electric Feel 21%

Greg: Guns N' Roses - Better 11.7%

Tony: 7 Dust - Prodical Sun 11.7%

Woody: MIA - Paper Planes 38.8% Winner!

Guess The Home State: A burglar was arrested after being rescued from the chimney. He was trying to rob a paun shop and tried to climb down the chimney and got stuck. This was a 3 hour rescue mission.

#1. Fredalina - New Jersey No Win

#2. Mitch in Waterford - St. Louis Winner!!!

News with Greg:

> The US National Drug Institute - Says that teens have been abusing perscription drugs a lot lately.

> In Oaklahoma a man called the police because and told them that he shot his wife. HE SHOT HIS WIFE. Why? Because HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO TELL HER THAT THEY HAD GOTTEN EVICTED. Are you EFFING kidding me?!

> This whole Menace iPhone thing is not going to drop.

Trial of the Century: California vs. Tony Mott

We spoke with Mike who is an actual trial attourney.

I must add, Woody is a fabulous Judge

Tony ended up being not guilty, and apparently it's my fault now.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> John Stamos had been interested in putting together a remake of Full House

We had some visitors and I missed the rest. Sorry guys.

Dumbass Contest: Holiday Movie Tags

#1. Nolan in Oakley - 1 outta 3 No Win!

#2. Jeff in Modesto - 2 for 2 Winner!!!

News Round 2:

> We can expect freezing temperatures this weekend. There will be snow on local mountain tops.

This turned into an argument about the

> Hugh Douglas grant and his friends were 11 years old when they pulled the fire alarm. When everyone exited the building they started firing on the people. Well he is now 22 years old and has a CLEAN record. He is now trying to purchase a gun.

> 129 paramedics have been accused of sexual crimes while taking care of people in an emergency situation.

Sports With Ravey:

> 49er's Running back Gore will miss the game due to an ankle injury
> Randy Moss returns to the Collisium as a Patriot

> Sharks beat the Ducks last night.

Happy Happy Story:

A guy got trapped in the basement during a house fire, he called for help. The authorities came to rescue the guy who called. It turns out that they rescued the wrong guy and not the guy who called. He died in the Fire.

Jan Wahl is Here:

> Jan Wahl likes the word CACA

> She needs help

> Betty Page (some old whore) died.

> Cadilac Records with Beyonce is awesome! Go see it!

> Frost Nixon is out this week and it gets 4 hats!

> Doubt got 3 out of 4 hats.

> The Reader got 3.5 hats.

Crap On Celebs:

> Hermeini from Harry Potter said that she isn't ruling out nudie pix.

> We had to dump out on Jan

> Jaimie Lynn Spears had lyposuction.

Crappy Birthdays:

> Taylor Swift - 19

> Amy lee - 27

> Meg white - 34

> Jay Z - 39

> Nikki Six - 50

> Tom Delong - 33

> Vanessa Huggins - 20

> Michael Clark Dunkin - 51

> Larry Bird - 52

> Sarah Silverman - 38

> Woody Allen - 73

> Bob Barker - 85 Point goes to Ravey and Jan

> Dick Van Dyke - 83 Point goes to Tony

> Raven Simone - 23

> Terry Hatcher - 44 Point Goes to Tony

> Tyra Banks - 35

> Wink Martindale - 73
> Bett Midler -

Porno Birthday: This stud has stared in 1323 including, "Allie McFeel", "Thighs Wide Open", and "The Sopornos". Hershel Savage is 56 years old.

NSSN Comes Tonight!!!!

2008-12-11T05:16:00.000-08:00

Not So Silent Night is tonight!!!! I'm stoked!! Everyone had better be there! :-)

Today's Intern: Mike

My Parachute Won't Open Dammit: Goooooooood Morning! We had a little argument about when we announced NSSN this year, we apparently announced it hella early. I don't exactly remember. Itzhak Valansky will be here today! We were going to have Spencer Christian and Janelle Wang do a follow up story on Itzhak. Spencer and Janelle are our people, but unfortunately they aren't allowed to come here anymore. Reason? We had them play F, Marry, Kill last time and "that was bad for their image." That's Crap. A guy we talked about from Merrell Lynch who requested a $10 million bonus. He then claimed he revoked his request because "Times are tough and it was the right thing to do." Last week a cat named Edgar went missing for 3 days and when she returned half of her face was littlerally dangling from his head. Apparently Edgar had gone under the hood of a car to keep warm and the fan belt caught the side of its face when the owner of the car turned it on. The cat returned to the house and was sitting in its litter box and when the owner passed out cold. The owner then took the cat to the vet and they sewed its face back on and now it just looks like it has a black eye. Lucky Cat!

Guess The State: Police say 3 teens tried to steal an undercover cop car with the cops inside. The teens were looking around in a parking lot and the undercover cop car followed them. The teens then headed towards the cop car with a flashlight, screw driver, and a piece of concrete. The cops then got out of the car and chased the teens. 2 were arrested and the third got away.

#1. Tarik in Dublin: Florida...Winner!

News with Greg:

> A British TV channel was scheduled to air a controversial documentary Wednesday night showing a terminally ill man committing assisted suicide. The film follows retired university professor Craig Ewert during the last four days of his life in 2006, when he visited a Swiss clinic with his wife, Mary, in order to die. "The disproportionate media coverage given to a very small handful of persistent people, desperate to end their lives, creates the false impression that there is a growing demand for assisted dying," Care Not Killing said in a statement on its Web site.

> Some guy named O.C. Welsh started running ads for his Ford dealership that were very racist. "Them Japanese cars are rice ready, not road ready." Listen Here.
> Some woman named Roberta had a very traumatic night. An intruder busted through her door with a gun through her door. She was petrified but her dog D Boy came to the rescue. The intruder shot the dog in the head, but that didn't fase the dog. The intruder shot the dog 2 more times, but the dog didn't stop protecting his owner. The intruder was so spooked that he left. The dog was taken to the hospital and is going to be fine. Hells yes!

Sports with Ravey:

> All three finalists for the Heismen Trophy are quarterbacks

> Nascar had deals with these car dealerships that are struggling so Nascar is taking a hit due to the economy crash.

> They may fold the WNBA all together.

> Warriors beat the Bucks last night.

> John Daily purposely smashed a photographers camera against a tree.

Something Ravey Won't Cover:

John Schnider, played Bo Duke, in reals life, someone stole 2 puppies and a car from him on Saturday. They then found the car, without the 2 puppies.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> A human rights organization called Repreive is launching a campaign called "Stop The Music Torture," aimed at ending the American practice of blasting music at loud levels while "interrogating" prisoners.

> Pearl Jam will reissue it's classic 1991 album, Ten, on March 24th, in a delux edition that will be available in four different versions. Each version will include a remastered version of the origional album along with a completely new remix of the set by longtime Pearl Jam producer Brendan O' Brien.

> The wife and son of Chris Baker, the personal assistant to Travis Barker who was killed in the September 19th plane crash that left three others dead and Barker of DJ AM seriously injured, have filed a wrongful death lawsuit against the aviation company that owned the plane and the company that made its tires.

> Deftones bassist, Chi Cheng is still in a coma after his car accident.

> Amy Polar is going to make her final appearance on SNL this week.

> Secret Millionare on Fox takes place from the Tenderloin tonight.

Final Word: Billy Corgen who says that the Smashing Pumpkins won't be releasing anymore albums "There's no point, people don't even listen to it. They put it on their IPod and they listen to the singles and don't listen to the rest of it. We will be more of a singles band from now on."

Fart Fun!:

> A Junior Highschool boy was arrested for purposly farting in class and for turning off the computers other students were working.

> A man with a healthy diet produces about a quart of gas

> Women don't fart as much as guys but their farts are denser

> The Whoopie Cushion was made to entertain royalty.

> Dogs fart a lot because they take in so much air when they eat and drink.

> Farts have a temp of 98.6 but it cools down as it travels 10 feet per second.

What Produces the Worst Smelling Farts:

Jeremiah - Meat and Veggies

James - Beer

Jen - Bagel Bites

Lynn - Hard Boiled Eggs

Dumbass Contest: Who's the Other Guy?

#1. Gina in Dublin - 1 outta 3 No Win!

#2. Sarah in SF - 0 outta 2 No Win!

#3. Josh in San Leandro - 2 for 2 Winner!

Sexy Time Fun Facts:

> Ravey pleasures herself

> According to a new survey 92% of women admit that they pleasure themselves

> According to a new survey, 34 is the age women find themselves sexiest.

> 44% of women want more foreplay and 32% just wish their man would last longer. Thing is 39% of women have never told their guy just how they want it.

> 1 in 3 women say that their partner is selfish in bed

> 92% of fat chicks have had sex with a man while only 87% of normal sized chicks have had sex with a man.

Special Spots:

#8. Her inner thigh

#7. Her Back and Shoulders

#6. Her Hands

#5. Her Breasts

#4. Knees

#3. Her Booty

#2. Her Stomach

#1. Her Hair

What Spots Turn You On?

Ravey: Her hair

Greg: Ears

Menace: Nothing. Focus on the Weeeen

Tony: Collar Bone

Woody: Stomach

Katie: Neck and Ears

Itzhak Valansky is in the House!

> He is here, dressed in full parachute attire.

> He thinks that this place is interesting.

> "I'm not a book man, I'm a musician stuck in the body of a book seller."

> You guys need to go McDonald's book store on 3rd Street!!

> This guy's got jokes!

> He performed 3 of his songs! He rules!

> If you haven't yet seen the video watch it HERE, if you have seen it, watch it again, and send it to everyone you know. We're trying to get it featured on Youtube!!

News Round 2 with Mr. Greg Gory:

> How did a day without a gay go? Well it drew what's being called "spotty" participation nation wide yesterday, with some people saying that the concept was good but the effect wasn't all that great. An employee of Cliff's Variety Hardware store said he wanted to call in gay, but didn't want his boss to bear the burden of his absence. A Castro resident said it could have been so much bigger and better, with hotels even being shut down. Rallies were held, though, in SF, Austin, and Logan, Utah.

> 3 Kentucky Friend chicken employees in Anderson, CA were suspended after taking a bath in a deep sink normally used to clean dishes. The girls probably would have gotten away with it but one of the girls put pictures of it all on her Myspace page.

> The economy isn't doing so well, we all know that, how are things in Detroit? Apparently so bad that even the strip clubs are feeling the heat. Jon Jon's Cabaret is offering half off deals and have cut the cost of table dances from $20 to $10. They've also lowered the drink prices, it seems to be helping. They say the regulars still come in, they just don't stay as long. Other adult-oriented businesses in Detroit aren't doing too well either. The GreekTown Casino in downtown Detroit is in chapter 11 bankruptcy and the MGM Grand has laid off several dozen employees. The GM of a strip club called the Booby Trap says that they have good nights and bad nights, but more bad than good.

What We Learned:

Ravey: The shocker isn't foul.

Menace: Itzhak has a killer wardrobe

Greg: Menace's dream is to watch Greg have a heart attack

Tony: Ravey owns a South Carolina car dealership.
Woody: Ravey if she ever accidentally swallows poison she won't need a stomach pump because the words "rogue hair on my shaft" will bring it right up.

Katie: Menace is screwed because a sideways hat and pumpkin farts don't get you street cred.

Tony's Just A Headline: "Man Caught with Case of Crabs in Texas."

Man Children.

2008-12-10T05:20:00.000-08:00

I sound like Ravey did yesterday. I am alergic to this season. No bueno. NSSN is TOMORROW! ohh hells yes! I'm mega excited. Oh one question. If anyone can explain to me why it was 42 effing degrees outside my house this morning, but was 49 degrees on the BAY BRIDGE...let me know. K? Thanks.

Today's Intern: Jessica

Talk Talk Talk...Keep Talkin: Goooooooooood Morning! Ravey is only a quarter slut today. The death toll is rising due to the plane crash in San Diego. 3 generations of people were killed. Story for Greg. There was a pushy New Zeland woman who pushed her husband to buy a lottery ticket and they won. Lucky bastards.

Emails from the Peeps:

> Anne - Just wants to thanks us for being a great morning show. Everyone on the show rules...except Ravey didn't get a mention so she isn't clapping.

> Janessa - Wants to congradulate Woody on his recent marriage and baby news.

Planned Parenthood is giving out gift cards .... sweet.

Guess The State: 24 year old man accused of driving drunk after he was caught doing donuts on a frozen snow covered run way. The police told him to stop and when the cops came to him, he told the cops that he had permission to test his breaks.

#1. Robert in SF - Florida....Snow in Florida.....No Robert...Sorry dude.

#2. Jared in San Jose - Pennsylvania Winner!

News with Sir Crunks-a-lot:

> All across the country people are being encouraged to call in "Gay" to protest Prop 8.

> A woman in Tennesse claims she found $97,000 in a bathroom. They were all $1,000 bills and she returned it.

Sports with Ravey who is only a quarter slut today:

> Clinton Portis is pissed about getting benched.

> Joey Porter says that the media is making Plaxeco look like he's a bad guy.

> The NFL is going to lay off 150 people

> Warriors take on the Bucks tonight

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Coldplay issued a response to the plagerism accusations. They didn't have any intention on copying anyones music.

> There is trauma on the set of Greys Anatomy.

> Paula Abdul is blaming the producers of American Idol for her coming face to face with Goodspeed, even though the girl was stalking Paula

> Shows are all new tonight

Final Word: Jay Leno, talking about his new schedule on NBC, "Origionally I wasnt going to stay with NBC, but my parents said that whatever you do in life, try to come in 4th.

Who Friggin Cares: 49-year-old John Singer of Queens is pissed about an article that appeared on the website of Centropa, a European oral-history project, wrongly claiming that he had not been circumcised. He's filed a lawsuit in Brooklyn Federal Court seeking unspecified damages, claiming that, "Centropa.org and its editorial staff have violated my right to privacy of the most intimate part of my anatomy. They have caused me tremendous emotional pain and suffering. I feel humiliated and betrayed."

Crunkin and Drunkin Stories:

> The ban on hard liquer in Belmont, CA is for events at city facilities. This whole thing blows.

> Nevada - A contract worker for a Nevada sheriff's department was accused of driving drunk to a jail to test a suspect's blood alcohol content. 53 year old Kathleen Cherry told a Carson City deputy who smelled alcohol on her breath that she had one margarita before driving Friday night. She was over the legal limit and was arrested and her bail is more than $1000

> A man from the UK killed 2 people while driving drunk and pleasuring himself. Last August 47 year old Gary Proctor of Wakefield, England was driving down the highway when he was hit by 32 year old drunk driver Imran Hussain, who was going 120 mph. Gary and his son, 16 year old James were killed in the accident and Gary's wife, 44 year old Catherine, suffered serious injuries but survived. Imran was banned from driving for 15 years and was put in jail for 8.

> In Florida, police said a mand came home to find a drunk burglar asleep on the living room floor. The man dbroke into the partment Wednesday and rummaged through the bedroom and cabinets prior to passing out. When he woke up he was so drunk he thought he was in his own appartment.

> In Florida - Authorities say an intoxicated man had his 9 year old son take him on a beer run. Cape Coral police arrested the 27 year old man. When officers stopped the truck, the man told them he was teaching his son to drive. Police say that the father's speech was slurred, his breath smelled of alcohol and he was unable to stand without swaying. There was also an open case of Budwiser in the back seat.

> In Nevada a woman was pulled over for driving drunk and pulling the gas hose and nozzle out of the gas unit. An ambulance crew spotted her driving with the nozzle coming out of her car but they couldn't get her attention .

> From Michigan, a 25 yr old literally spilled his guts to the cops. When the cops finally caught the man after a foot chase, this man puked up some crack. The man had swallowed it during the chase but felt so sick after, he puked it up. The cops pulled the contents out and he was charged with possession.

> From NY, police say they pulled 2 drunk drivers out of 1 car. Police say that the woman was trying to pull off a 3 point turn in the middle of the road. When the woman couldn't pull it off, she pulled a Chinese fire drill with the man in the passenger seat, who was also crunk. The man then completed the 3 point turn. The cops then pulled them over and they were BOTH charged with Drunk Driving.

Dumbass Contest: Completely Retarded or Dead to Real

#1. Joesph in Daly City - 1 outta 3 No Win.

#2. April in SF - 1 outta 3 No Win.

#3. Jeff in Castro Valley - 2 for 2 Winner!!

Pointless Listener Poll: What is the WORST giftcard you can get?

Stupid.com's Top 10 Worst Gifts.

#10. Pole Dancer alarm clock

#9. Dog Doo Calander

#8. How to Tie a Tie, Tie.

#7. The Obama Yes We Can...Opener

#6. Men's Underwear Repair Kit

#5. Wasabi gum ball

#4. Potty Putter

#3. Mini Guitar Hero

#2. Wealth Re-Distribution Ornament

#1. Screaming Chicken

Our Least Favorite Gift Cards:

Ravey: Giants Store

Menace: PetCo
Greg:

Tony: 84 Lumber

News with Gregamus Maximus:

> Not a good day for Illinois Governor Rod Blagoyavich yesterday. He was arrested by the FBI in his home on Federal Corruption Charges and he's accused of committing mail fraud, wire fraud, and soliciting bribes.

> A man has been Cited for bothering animals at the SF zoo after he jumped into the enclosure of a black rhino. The man wasn't identified and luckiely no animals were hurt and zoo officials say that everyone is lucky the rhino stayed mellow and didn't go after the dumbass.

> Police in Arkansas tracked down a suspected theif in the ceiling of a gas station bathroom after noticing his foot prints on the toilet seat. The gas station worker thought there was something bizarre about the guy because he walked in barefootand went in the woman's bathroom for 20 minutes. He was "on a mission to steal"

Got Game With Masters:

> Wii speak sucks

> Left for Dead Rules

> Old school games can be found at www.1980-games.com

What We Learned:

Ravey: There is no shortage of people willing to bring down the good name of alcohol

Menace: Planned parenthood gift basket is Ravey's Christmas present.

Greg: Some cameras don't have zoom

Tony: An ambulance and the setting of a car alarm sound very similar

Woody: Drinking and driving is bad but drinking driving and smacking it is worse.

Katie: Nothing says I love you like a planned parenthood giftcard and Ravey is going to get tounged by a zombie

Tony's Just a Headline: "Man Charged in Hamburger Abuse Case"

You Effing C Word

2008-12-09T06:03:00.000-08:00

Today is going to be amazing. This morning RULED. Noah's bagels was open so I bought a bagel box for us to chow down on. I got free parking. I love today.

Today's Intern: Sarahhh

Blabbity Blahhh: Goooooooood Morning! There was a story about me in the paper. Woody read it...and yes ladies and gentlemen, I meant it when I said that it was a privlige to work with these dorks. They are waiting for my sex tape to get out. And NO I haven't sent nudie pictures. Nice try though. There was this guy Reverend Right and he yells ALL THE TIME. THEEE GATESSS OF HELLLLLLL. Ravey sounds like a hard core slut right now. Dizzy Balloon won the opening spot for NSSN. Hear their cover of "My Parachute Won't Open" Here. Everyone is STOKED for Itzhak Valansky and his performances on Thursday.

News with Greg Gory:

> A military jet crashed into a San Diego town killing three yesterday. The pilot ejected right before the plane crashed and landed in a tree.

> A little 3 year old was rescued with his 2 dogs from the forest yesterday. The child had run away because he wanted to go "hunting and fishing."

> San Jose has slipped from #3 to #4 ranked safest large city.

Sports With Raspy Ravey:

> Panthers won last night

> Warriors finally ended their 9 game losing streak

> Randy Johnson needs a place to pitch next season.

> Derrek Rose was in bed cutting his delicious apple, he then cut himself with the knife and needed 10 stitches.

> Vikings won and the media went into the locker room for some post game footage. As a result they got a nudie shot.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Dark Knight is out today

> Horton Hears a Who is out today and our very own "Man Child" is very excited.

> A documentary is out today called Man on Wire

> Milk won the Stanley Cramer award

> NBC will announce today that J-Lenno will stay with the network

> Season finale of Manswers is on tonight

Final Word: Kid Rock, who isn't worried about PETA, "My biggest extravagence is fur coats, I have one of every animal in my closet."

Random School Stories:

> A teacher is facing charges for attempting to enliven a seventh-grade discussion of slavery by binding the hands and feet of two black girls, prompting outrage from one girl’s mother and a prominent civil rights group.

> Christopher Morango was fired for conduct that was unbecoming of an officer. He was a school security cop.

> A former football coach took money out of the school account to "use for football gear", he took all $10,000 in a strip club.

FYI:

> 2008 is going to be recorded as the longest year ever because they are adding an extra second to the atomic clock....(I think this should fall in the Who Friggin Cares segment)

> Vinnie, from X men, wants to be known. If you ever see him out on the street, don't tell him that you don't know who he is, he'll kick your ass.

> The guys who play Jack Sparrow in Disneyland are lucky and screwed at the same time. All the characters were fired, BUT the reason was, the ladies kept flashing their boobs at them.

Psychic Susie Stevens is Here!

Susie Stevens has spent the last 35 years channeling on all aspects of life: the past, present and future - and helping her clients "get in touch with their souls."

Susie, who believes she "has a unique gift from God," is serious about her chosen profession, and emphasizes integrity and honesty are paramount between a psychic and client

"An ethical psychic helps the client deliver the data, both positive and negative, needed to make decisions. Anything else is manipulation."

Susie trained with now deceased astrologer Robert Cole, who considered her "to be my most gifted friend." She was a volunteer in a Santa Cruz mental facility and with Suicide Prevention for 13 years. Susie works with the survivors of domestic violence, and educates on the battered wife syndrome-work which Susie says has brought her closer to her expertise.

One of Santa Cruz's most popular psychics, Susie still has some of the same clients that she began with 35 years ago. Her success, she believes, is because, "I am very devoted to getting people in touch with their optimum potential."

Do you want to check her out?! call her at 1 (831) 475.7290

News Round Number 2:

> Same sex marriage supporters are pushing everyone to "call in gay" tomorrow to stay home and keep their wallets shut.

> There is a sushi buffet that is now charging if you leave any food on your plate.

These guys are the most mature people I have ever known. They fight over boogers.

Dumbass Contest: Are They Taller Than Tony?

#1. TJ in Oakland who hasn't been mugged yet - 0 outta 2 No!

#2. April in Daly City - 0 outta 2 No Win!

#3. David in Fremont - 2 outta 3 Winner!

What We Learned:

Ravey: The producers of Double Dare could have stopped a starving country.

Menace: 92.7 will be dead air tomorrow.

Greg: LWill never have a dream ranch in montana but will own an orphanage

Tony: Cant wait for dean to play with Jamarcus Kareem Garcel Fife.

Woody: Dave, Ravey, and Greg will not be at work tomorrow.

Katie: With the exception of Ravey I work with a bunch of Man Children who fight over boogers.

Tony's Just a Headline: "Woman Hurls Shoe in C Word Arguement."

What the Buck?

2008-12-08T05:21:00.000-08:00

It's Monday! Only 4 Days until NSSN!!! Who's Excited?! We're going to have a crazy week: NSSN and Itzhak Valansky! Will your parachute open? Because mine won't....

Today's Intern: Jessica

Blabber Blabber: Gooooooooood Morning! Greg actually isn't happy that it is Monday. This is the last Monday in 2008 that we will be working. Greg sent everyone a strange text about how he was washing his car and some neighbor drove by (one he only recognized, he didn't know her) and she says, "Hey Greg, have fun doing whatever it is you do AFTER you wash your car." Terri Hatcher used to be a 49er cheer leader in 1983. Menace doesn't think she's hot. He's crazy, I think she is SUPER hot. Menace dared to text Ravey during a football game. He upset the Queen. We have a huge week this week. It's going to be great. We had some bands cover "My Parachute Won't Open" and I can't wait to hear them. Itzhak Valansky's music video, "My Parachute Won't Open." now has 11,500 hits! Jesssssssssus H! Everyone Bread the word about this song. We're blowing this up! The band Dizzy Balloon covered - "My Parachute Won't Open." It's great! Oh man this song rules .

News with Greg:

> O.J. was sentanced to 33 years. He was taken to a medium security prison but he is separated from the rest of the jail. He will be eligible for parole after 9 years.

> In Wisconsin some dumbass 59 year old woman left her dog Jiffy outside in single digit weather over night. Luckily Jiffy was overweight and survived the night. Dumb bitch.

Sports with Ravey:

> Jets have lost 2 in a row. They lost to the 49ers last night.

> Giants were distracted yesterday

> Pierce finally met with the police yesterday regarding the Plaxeco case.

> Steelers won in the final 7 minutes of the game.

> Titans beat Cleveland

> Cardinals beat the Rams 34 - 10

> Baltimore beat the RedSkins

> Greg Mattix is going to make a noon announcement of his retirement.

> Manny Pacquiao destroyed Oscar De La Hoya

> Michael Vick is now bankrupt. Good....Stupid Dick.

Ravey's Music and Entertainment Report:

> 4 Christmases was at the top of the box office this weekend.

> Twilight Sequel?? It's on a fast track to be made and they are looking for a new director

> Coldplay has been sued by Joe Satriani for plagerism

> Angelina Jolie is the highest paid working actress

> Steve-o will compete on next seasons "Dancing with the Stars"

Final Word: Alex Rodrigues denies anything sexual between him and Madona "We're just friends. I've never been on a plane with her."

Menace is looking for a lady OnDemand.

Comcast On Demand Dating Videos

#1. Louis - Check out his Video

#2. Totally Goth - Check out this Bitches Video

#3. MColleen - Check it out.

#4. Playa59 - Holla at Cha Boi

#5. Martina - Username Ska...because that is in. This bitch is crazy.

#6. Psycho Bitch Amanda - Jesssus H, Her video here.

5 Biggest Lies that Men tell Women
#1. She's just a friend

#2. I'm ready to settle down

#3. It's not you it's me.

#4. It was a one-time thing

#5. I'd never lie to you.

Dumbass Contest - Will Menace Know It.

#1. Lori in Antioch - 2 outta 3!!

A. What is an Abbreviation? - When you shorten a word. YES!

B. How do you abbreviate pounds? - lbs YES. (Lori said no though.)

C. Name 3 of the 4 Beatles - Ringo Star, John Lennon, and Paul McCartney. YES!

Lori's phone went dead. Aw. WINNER! We messed with her.

#2. Eric in SF - No Win.

A. How many stripes are on the flag? - 18. No!!

B. The first 6 letters on a standard keyboard? - No!!

Nicki Brought us Cup Cakes!!!!! Yummmmmmm

Do you want some of these cupcakes from heaven? contact her at: Hey There, Cupcake!

OJ Simspon talk, he made an emotional statement. This guy is a douche bag.

Madden did an interview with Scott Weiland -- ZzZzZzZzZz Wake me up when it's over.

News Round 2:

> Sunny Van Bula died after spending 28 years in a coma.

I missed some of this, today is crazy.

Douche Bag of the Day: Two crack head thugs had just beaten up and robbed an elderly woman and they decided to hail a cop car. When the cop asked for their ID the idiot accidentially revealed the $149 that they had just stolen.

Guess The State: On sunday morning , Tim Havers and Carolyn were having sex and out of no where Tim accidentially shot carolyn in the chest. They had a gun on the bed and he tossed it aside so it wouldn't be in the way during sex, when he threw the gun, it went off and shot carolyn in the chest. He is now facing charges

#1. Fred in San Jose - Pennsylvania No!

#2. Ryan in Hayward - Florida No!

#3. Chris in SF - Ohio Yes!!

What We Learned:

Ravey: Woody is clearly not concered about Santa's Naughty or Nice list since he gave Lori a heart attack.

Menace: How it feels to have a drill put through your head after the Scott Weiland Video

Greg: Youc ant strust studies about TV because he is not happy

Tony: Compared to Scott Weiland Tony and Menace are word smiths

Woody: Menace can get a $100 gift card to Best Buy for turning in his super gangster water pistol.

Katie: Ding a ding ding is clearly different from ding ding ding a ding.

Tony's Just a Headline: " Mutant Four Claw Monster Lady Caught in Road Island"

The Acomodater

2008-12-05T05:41:00.000-08:00

This morning is going to be fabulous! I have the cranberry delight infront of me. It is the cranberry, frosted cake from starbucks. PLUS I have my white mocha!! How much better can this get!!!???

Today's Intern: Andrea

Hahahahahahaha (That's what you all will be saying): Gooooooood Morning! This week was magic. We came back from break and had: Gory's Munch Nut Tale, We had Woody's Baby News, and The Internet Phenominom Itzhak Valansky (which by the way his video is up to 7,442 views).

Comment's on My Parachute Won't Open Video:

Tapatiobravo (5 hours ago)
Ok Wtf? You guys said hes crap for internet knowledge yet hes able to post a video on youtube?... Oh sorry not internet capable, he just doesnt know how to check his email. Im calling shananagans.

spartandx (9 hours ago)
Pink Floyd On Steroids Love It!

ScrotumPoleCat (16 hours ago)
Lesson learned, never let your biatch pack your chute.Do it yourself or die.

Valansky has a pretty amazing story. His siblings were killed in the Halocaust but his parents survived. He has an 80 year old book store which is being closed because he is 6 months behind on his rent! This guy is an amazing story. We're going to blow his life up and make him famous, here we go, Woody Show Style!

Anyone who is dissing our buddy Itzhak can SUCK IT. Take that.

News with President Greg:

> Republican Rosletnen hung up twice on Barak Obama because she thought that they were prank phone calls. She told him, "Boy you are a better impersonator than that guy on SNL" He was calling to congradulate her on her re-election.

> At&t announced that they are going to cut 12,000 jobs

> In Pensylvania - A woman is a sports bar because she sat down on the toilet, the seat broke, and she was stuck in the toilet bowl.

Queenie has our Sports:

> The end of the season can't come fast enough for the Raiders

> The Niners welcome the Jets

> Dallas at Pittsburg is going to be huge. It's going to be 20 degrees and snowing full on.

> Avery apologized for his "sloppy seconds" comment. He is facing "anger management" and indefinite suspension (6 games). This is so dumb.

> The Sharks are kicking ass. End of story.

> Warriors are playing the Rockets tonight at 5:30

Music and Entertainment Report:

> The 3rd Punisher hits theatres today

> There is a new game for the IPhone called "Christmas with Weezer"

> Trent Resner posted that the plans to make a 3D movie of a live concert fell through.

> A sewing machine signed by Metallica being auctioned off at the Wee Scotty Shop.

> Paris Hilton is trying to land the role of Tinker Bell in the upcoming movie. Haha Tinker Slut.

Final Word: Heather Lockleer, talks about her rough year "It's been a rough 2008, I hope for a good 2009. It's only a couple of weeks away, I'll just stay in my house."

Happy Happy Story Time: Out of Oregon, Scott had taken his 22 year old girlfriend to proposal rock. They had been dating since 2005, he arrived in Oregon 3 days before. The tide had receded around the rock. About 10 feet from the rock a 3 ft wave hit both of them. He turned into it to avoid from getting knocked over, but when he turned around his 4 ft. 11 in. girlfriend was gone. She got pulled in by the wave and she has dissapeared.

Gay News:

> 1 in 4 girls will kiss a girl.

> 6% of lesbians think that their sexuality is a result of an event in their life.

> We didn't talk about this on the show but I got a call about this and it's pretty entertaining. Prop 8 Musical

> A couple weeks ago a groupe of 140 retired military officers are fighting the don't ask don't tell policy

> The pregnant man is in the news again. Jeeesus. They are now annoyed with the cameras. If your annoyed, then dont be a man and get pregnant. Idiot

> A group of gay activists went "dog nuts" when they found out that there are 2 penguins in New York who are in a monogomas gay relationship. The gay penguins are hella cutty. They go in and steal the heterosexuals eggs and replace them with rocks. They are now fencing the gay penguins from the straignt penguins, which means that we now have gay segregation.

Dumbass Contest: The NSSN Alumni Challenge

#1. Brad in Richmond - 0 for 2 No Win.

#2. Robert in San Mateo - 0 for 2 No Win.

#3. Chris in San Jose - 2 for 2!!! Winner!

News Round 2:

> Facebook now has a virus. It is sending you messages that look like something that are normal.

> A fight broke out between 2 woman broke out at the mall this weekend. A woman thought that the cashier at a store called her a "C word" so the woman picks up a shoe and attempts to throw it at her head. Funny thing is, the lady threw the shoe and missed and hit another employee.

> There is a chance for inmates to be released earlier than planned. That's right. For one small cost. They have to play janitor. That means cleaning up poop, vomit, saliva, urine, and other nasty nasty things.

Aries Spears is Here!!!!!: He said that because Barak won now black people have to be on time and get a job. 510 texts that they saw Airies with some blonde chick in a club in Sac. Airies is into legs, calves, ass, boobs, lips, face etc.

Men Myth Busters:

4 Things Guys Suposedly Look For:

1. How she treats other people - No.

2. Her hair - Maybe.

3. The little things that she points out and her take on the world - No.

4. Her hands - Yes.

Aries Will Be at Cobb's

Friday, December 5 - 8:00 pm and 10:15 pm

Saturday, December 6 - 8:00 pm and 10:15 pm

Sunday, December 7 - 7:00 pm

Also check him out HERE

Jan Wahl is here:

Jan would vote for any song that she could dance to, which means we should stop the Friday Song Challenge today to prevent that. Anyways....

> Christmas Story is celebrating its 25th anaversary

> Movie theatre attendence is up! People are spendng their time at the movies now, more than anything.

> Grand Torino gets 4 hats and it's a great movie. And no Menace, it's not a video game. Moron.

Friday Song Challenge with a Twist: We announced these at the beginning of the show so you guys could vote all morning!

Tony- Nothin But a Good time - Poison 19.2%

Woody - Cherry Pie - Warrent 33.7% Winner!!!!

Ravey - Panama - Van Halen 17.2%

Greg Gory - Dr. FeelGood - Motley Crew 25.1%

Menace - Shake Me - Cinderella 4.9%

THIS WEEKS HIGHLIGHTS! CHECK OUR PODCAST SECTION AT LIVE105.COM

My Parachute Won't Opppeennnnn

2008-12-04T05:59:00.000-08:00

This morning was weird. All of Castro Valley, the ENTIRE town, was pitch black. Zero power. Kinda creepy. Then I'm driving to pick Menace up and some guy was getting his ass KICKED. Intense Morning.

Today's Intern: Mike

10,000 feet highhhhh: Goooooooood Morning! Belmont wants to ban the sales of hard alcohol. F you Belmont!!!! That is very San Francisco of them. Gavin Newsom is hella jealous, "I wanna ban something!" Menace hates water, because it doesn't taste like anything. Itzhak Valansky is a new star thanks to the show. As of yesterday, his music video had 210 views. As of 6:03 am there were 4,654 views. Hells Yes! Some people were dead to real.

Comments on "My Parachute Won't Open"
#1. zubin27 (7 hours ago)
you guys are obviously a bunch of mooks. The philosophical issues itzhak brings up in this song are beyond what you're plebeian minds can grasp. The song is about love, and how that person can fuck you over, hard. In this case, his parachute won't open and "you were the one who packed my bags." He then goes on to say "breaking up is hard to do, and actions speak louder than words." She was being creative....this song is the new millenia's version of "im only sleeping" by the beatles. kudos
#2. rxbanditboy1112 (10 hours ago) So from 10,000 feet to 8,000 feet he traveled 75.75 miles per hour, then from 8,000 to 4,000 he is traveling 48.701 mph, then from 4000 to 3000 it is 333.333333 mph (same with 3000 to 2000). Then all of a sudden from 2000 to 1000 he slows down to 167.6667 and then from 1000 to 0 it ends at 142.857 mph. Terminal velocity is 120mph. So despite the laws of fix this song is awesome or something.

Yesterday we learned that the general tickets are sold out for NSSN 2008. They then released some limited view tickets. We will also be giving away some tickets next week. So the doctors can't figure out how to cure herpes, cancer, or even the common cold, BUT they can go into your DNA and tell you what sports you can play.

News with Mr. Greg:
> The state appeals court over ruled Arnold Schwarzenegger about the parole of a man who bruttally killed his wife with a sledgehammer back in 1986. He was recovering from alcoholism and she was parading him for being sexually inadequate.
> A 19 year old girl was arrested, cuffed, and put her in the back of a cop car. She managed to get the cuffs around her body and she STOLE the cop car. What a kickass chick.
> On day 2 of hunting season, a guy shot a deer, thought it was dead, but to his surprise the deer jumped up and attacked the hunter with its antlers. HELLS YES GO DEER!!

Ravey has some Sports for us:
> Plaxeco Burress is done for the year. The attention has been put off to Pierce (the linebacker) who called the trainer right after Plaxeco shot himseslf. He hasn't faced any charges just yet.
> Kevin and Pat Willams have recieved a restraining order on their suspention. There is a chance that they will play this weekend.
> The doctor who treated Burress is also suspended for not reporting the shooting.
> Blue Jackets are up agains the Sharks at the Tank tonight.

Stupid Human Story: This on is from Arkansas: Police said they arrested a man who needed an extra boost with his coffee. This man pulled up next to an unmarked cop car. He then snorted a white powder substance from a spoon and walked into get his coffee. He was then taken outside and they searched his car and found 3 grams of cocaine. He was released with a citation. Word of advice: Don't do coke right next to a cop car.

Ravey's Music and Entertainment Report:
> Cold Play was nominated for 7 Grammy awards
> Lil Wayne has 8 nominations
> Radiohead had 5 nominations
> The Final count of records sold of Chinese Democracy was 261,000
> Scott Weiland's solo record sold 10,500 copies. Sucker.
> Dr. Pepper is disapointed with Guns N Roses lawyers for turning a fun give away into legal dispute.
> Showtime announced that Californication is coming back.
> The New Ugly Betty is being bumped for Raiders Football. Menace was PISSED.
> They will be airing the new Grey's Anatomy.

Wheel of Stupid:
> Police arrested a man in Conneticut who lit a small charcoal grill inside his appartment.
> There was a fire in Brooklyn that killed a FDYN officer. A young boy was burning wrapping paper on the stove that the family was using for warmth and decided to hide it under the bed. Next thing they knew the whole house burned down.
> Arrested a 52 year old man for driving with a revoked license. The man had stopped and started using his cell phone as a cop drove by. The man said, "please don't arrest me." After this the cop tried to arrest him and the man put up a little bit of a struggle. Once in the back of the cop car the guy argued with the cop that he didn't resist arrest because he, "would have known if he was resisting, because he knows karate and has been working out."
> A blow torch is not a good replacement for a broom. A man burned part of his house because he used a blow torch to get rid of spider webs
> An inmate who has twice escaped filed a lawsuit last week because the guards abused him and didn't do enough to stop him from escaping from jail.

Dumbass Contest: Who's Your Daddy?
#1. Miguel in Newark - 0 for 2 No Win!
#2. Patrick in San Mateo - 0 for 2 No Win!
#3. David in San Mateo - 1 outta 3 No Win!
#4. Mary in Milpitas - 0 for 2 No Win!
#5. Gloria in San Lorenzo - Got Dropped. No Win!
#6. Chris in Concord - 1 of 2 Got Dropped. No Win!
#7. Steven in Jose - 2 for 2!! Winner! God Dammit Finally.

Sexy Time Fun Facts:
> A 9 year old wrote a book on how to get girls. He was actually pretty smart.
> Police in Ohio say that they shut down an auction ring where guys can by $10 raffle tickets for an auction for a night with a hooker.
> Oxygen has naughty novelty infomercials on at 2 am. They sell things like the Accomodator (a dildo for your face) and the Little Chubby Dong.

Pointless Listener Poll: What is your signature move to get laid?
Tony: Telling them a lot of what they want to hear
Ravey: Come on let's go to the hockey game
Menace: Being Honest and upfront

News Round 2:
> 17 year old Micahel Halpin collapsed infront out of no where. He later died at the hospital. There is no word what caused his death.
> Gavin Newsom and some officials are trying to drum up business in the city. They want people to come take advantage of the great discounts and sales in SF. Newsom's latest purchase is his $51,000 hybrid which he didn't buy in the city. He ran into someone from CBS and on camera he asked Newsom, "Why didn't you buy your car in SF?" and to our surprise, Newsom didn't have a slick answer, "Well...uhh...I don't know....Thanks for the gotcha question...I really don't know."

Guess The State: This old guy was crying like a baby because his local library was closing. This old dude was litterally bawling. Watch it here!
#1. Monica in Gilroy - Florida No Win!
#2. Allie in Fremont - Pennsylvania Winner!

What We Learned:
Ravey: Want to get her something for Christmas? TIVO late night Oxygen channel.
Menace: Tony can make a sound like this (weird wheeeeezing noise)
Greg: Sex toys sold on the Oxygen network sound like characters from Hawaii 5-0 like chubby little dong and chin-do.
Tony: Dont need a DNA test to know dean will be good at sittin on his ass
Woody: Ravey is going to have her stocking stuffed by stuff from the Oxygen network.
Katie: Menace is tough when it comes to bitches and hoes but when you take away his Ugly Betty he cries like a little girl.

Tony's Just a Headline: "Father and Son arrested for Cock Fighting."

WTF?

2008-12-03T05:25:00.000-08:00

Hola peoples. Today is going to be fantastic, I can feel it! Other than the fact that I can't stop coughing due to my huge pine alergy. Cough Cough Sniffle Sniffle.... Tony is acting the happiest I've seen him. He is still on his rush from the ACDC concert last night. Hilarity.

Today's Intern: Jessica

Talk-a-lakin: Goooood Morning!! Tony is so excited about the ACDC, "I felt like a 12 year old girl at a New Kids On The Block concert." Tony spent $100 on: A T-shirt, a sweatshirt, and 2 beers. (2 beers = $24) Tony "spoiled" the concert according to someone in the 925. God Tony, how inconsiderate of you. Cold Remedies: Orange juice or vitamin C (prevenative) and tea for a sore throat. Greg and Menace call shenanigans. Woody drinks soda, soda, soda and Ravey went mommy on him but was right as she was doing so. In Wisconsin a radio station had to make an offer to get 2 people to stop competing in a contest for a new car. This couple had been living in their truck for 55 days. They thought that the couple would never stop so they made an offer that if they stopped now the runner up would get $10,000 plus other prizes. Woody is letting everyone know that we will never do anything like this, because they are trying to drive us away. We're those people in the restaurant that the waitresses stop checking on in hopes that they will just leave. We are the leafy, zipper like stretch marks of this station.

News With Greg Gory:
> Measure B is still being covered. This would extend BART to San Jose (which would rule) with several stops in between. There was a law suit because there was a requested re-count but it wasn't requested early enough.
> The Hollywood Casino was going to send 1,000 people $100 credits for slot machines. Instead of it being sent to 1,000 it was sent to 55,000 people. The casino says that due to this mistake, if all 55,000 take up that offer, the Casino will be out $29 million.
> AIG changed the english language. Instead of calling the given money at the end of the year a "Bonus" they are calling it a "Retention Pay". People are recieving this "retention pay" for keeping their jobs.

Sports With Ravey:
> Plaxeco Buress is done. The Giants are finished with him. He will be suspended.
> The NFL announced that 6 players will be suspended for using steriods. Kevin and Pat Williams for the Vikings are included in these 6
> Sean Avery said some stupid comment, "sloppy seconds" about his ex girlfriends during an interview. Within minutes he was suspended indefinitely for making comments that don't have anything to do with the game.
> The Sharks were great last night. They won 5-2
> Michael Phelps was named "Sportsman of the year" by Sports Illustrated.

Menace has a theory that if enough people say that someone famous is hot, then automatically people will think that person is attractive. I think this is true, I don't go with this trend but I agree with Menace

Douche Bag of The Day: Nikki Riley, a guy who went into a restaurant bathroom and strapped 3 nail bombs to himself with a note saying that he was going to do a suicide bombing. He got stuck inside the toilet stall, and the bombs went off in his hands, AND he was the only one injured. He now faces charges of attempted murder.

Music and Entertainment Report:
> Kid Rock is blogging about his dissapointment in Georgia Judge
> Billy Joe talked about Green Day's new album. It is going to be great
> 30 Seconds to Mars is recording their 3rd album
> Cold Play and Leonna Lewis were the 2 top downloaded artists from Itunes in 2008
Final Word: Ozzy Ozbourne who is 60 today, "When I was 20 I would say I was going to die when I was 40. I got nervous when I was 39 and a half"

We played in the Ayer! Woody, Menace, and I were the only ones who were hardcore rockin out to that song. Oh Hot Jam, This is My Jam.

This then turned into a sex/std session. I don't really know how this happened.

Worst Band Submissions from NSSN 2008: We're letting the listeners vote on the finalists of the worst of the worst. First the show will rate from a 1 to 5, 5 being good and 1 being the worst. Then we'll have the listeners text in about our top 3.
#1. Donald Prolo - Waterfalls
Ravey says 1
Woody says 2
Menace says 2
Greg says 2
Tony says 2
#2. Sleepless Mind - It's up to you
Ravey says 3
Menace says 4
Greg says 4
Tony says 5
Woody says 4
#3. Playground Kings - Bea-uty Ravey says 1
Menace says 3
Greg says 3
Tony says 1
Woody says 3
#4. The Number Fox - Pirates -e- Ninjas
Ravey says 4
Menace says 1
Greg says 1
Tony says 4
Woody says 3
#5 Itzhak Valansky - My Parachute Won't Open
Ravey says 2
Menace says 2
Greg says 0
Tony says 1
Woody says 1

We narrowed it down to 3
A. Itzhak Valansky - My Parachute Won't Open - 54.8% Winner!...or loser....No idea.
B. Donald Prolo - Waterfalls - 32.9%
C. Playground Kings - Bea-uty - 12.4%

Our Very own Itzhak Valansky has a MUSIC VIDEO!! check it out My parachute won't open!
He will be in studio December 11 (the day of NSSN) and he will be our guest at NSSN that night!!

Who Knew?:
> 1 in 10 nurses smoke
> Woman who smoke have a 14.7 year shortage on their life
> Listening to happy music can help your heart.
> Divorced people have a life span that is 9 years shorter.
> 3,812 deaths in 2006 due to air pollution.

Got Game With Masters:
> Call of Duty World at War is ruling! You must play this game. 4.5 Blow up Girlfriends

Dumbass Contest: Where Did I go Last Night?
#1. Lorie in Antioch - Car Shopping No Win!
#2. Alan in San Jose - Bar No Win!
#3. Steven in SF - ACDC Concert! Winner!!

What We Learned:
Ravey: Nothing brings joy like a parachute that wont open
Menace: Will spend all day twittering my parachute wont open
Greg: Santa does exsist and his name is Aaron Axelson
Tony: Beth and Tony are both swingers
Woody: Riding a hog is bad for your hog.
Katie: The Station is driving us away because we are the zipper like stretch marks of LIVE 105

Tony's Just a Headline: "Man With Lightsaber Ends Up in the E.R."

4:15 AM: So What Are You Up To This Morning?

2008-12-02T05:50:00.000-08:00

Good Morning Everybody...I'm at a loss for words, so...uhh.....yeah. Let's just start the show.

Today's Intern: Sarah from Half Moon Bizzz-ay.

Burrrrp: Gooooooooooooooooooooooood Mornun! Menace needs a car. Woody is tired of hearing him bitch about it. If Menace were to ask every one of his myspace friends for a dollar, we could make this work. Biggest story of the year? Obama? Economy? Gas Prices? Nope...

Yahoo Top 10 Most Searched Things in 2008:

#10 American Idol

#9 Angelina Jolie

#8. Lindsay Lohan

#7. Japanese Cartoon Naruto

#6 Jessica Alba

#5. Online Game RuneScape

#4 Miley Cirus

#3. Barak Obama

#2. World Wrestling Entertainment

#1. Brittney Spears

Ask.com's Top 10 Asked Questions:

#10. How do I download videos

#9. Why is the sky blue?

#8. How do I register to vote?

#7. What is the meaning of life?

#6. How do I change my name?

#5. How much is my car worth

#4. How much is minimum wage?

#3. How do I write a resume?

#2. How do I lose weight?

#1. How do I get pregnant?

This then led to internet talk, which led to Menace flipping out. The Woody Show page is weak, no one knows wtf Menace does in his office. Either his head is down or he's blasting techno whilst twittering. Greg seems to be the only one who thinks that it is good and has a lot on it. Oh well. Menace's quote to Dave, "(lots of yelling)....So WHAT?! HOLLA AT CHA BOI!"

Just for Ravey: A man who works as "Trim Trim" the party clown. Trim Trim made his living by showing up at children's birthday parties and playing with the kids. He has now been sentenced to jail for 12 years for continual sexual abuse of 2 teenage girls ages 12 and 14.

The guy who does our live105 commercials sounds like a child diddler.

News with Greg:

> President Bush talked about his Presidency last night. He talked about a bunch of things including the economic crisis. "I will leave the Presidency with my head held high."

> A study was released saying that we are due for a terrorist attack by 2013.

> The CA ocean protection counsel says that people should have to pay a fee at any market when they use plastic or paper bags. The purpose is to encourage people to bring their own bags.

Sports with Ravey:

> The NFL can and will probably suspend Plaxico Burress for carring a weapon. This is the guy who shot himself...just fyi. Plaxico Burress went to the hospital after shooting himself, he claimed his name was Harris Smith and that he'd been shot at applebees.

> The Warriors shot themselves in the foot. The heat was down 3 and as the Warriors went to throw the ball in, they accidentially threw it to the other team.
> Toronto beat LA last night

Ravey's Music and Entertainment Report:

> The new Britney Spears CD is out today

> Akon's new CD is out today

> Step Brothers is out today

> Disney is giving away free Bart rides from 7-9am

> The new Guns N' Roses isn't doing so hot.
> Creed is officially working on a 2009 tour

> Tina Fey is talking about the scar on her left cheek - She was attacked as a child and she gave details

> According to Jim is still on ABC - This is huge news to us. It is back with new episodes tonight!

Final Word: Blake Civil Fielder, Amy Winehouse's husband who just got out of jail and is going to rehab, "I made the biggest mistake of my life when I did heroin in front of her. I introduced drugs and self harm to her. I feel I ruined something beautiful."

That's Just Not Right:

> A guy, Harvey, called a radio station because he was having trouble finding a date. The radio station called an unnamed girl and set them up on a date at the House of Blues. The night of the date, Harvey called the girl and said he was too tired to go to dinner and offered to cook her dinner at his house. The thing that the radio station and the girl didn't was that Harvey is a registered sex offender. The girl went to his house, he drugged her, and sexually fondled her.

> 6 teenage girls were charged with mis treating elderly residents in the elderly home they worked in. The girls touched and spanked the residents, inserted a finger into an anus, dry humping a resident, putting their bare backsides in resident's faces, poking residents breasts and genitals, and rubbing an elders genitals until it became errect.

> A woman who went to the hospital because of what she thought was a kidney stone with severe abominal pain. The doctors didn't do any blood test or anything and they sent her home. By the time her fiance brought her back the next day, the infection had spread to all of her limbs and both of her harms and legs had to be amputated.

> A cambodian father inserted a hose you use to fill up tires into his 5 year old's anus and attempted to blow him up. The father said, "he was just playing with his son"

> A man in Nebraska faces assult charges for attacking his girlfriend for making him macaroni for dinner.

> In Canada are investigating a 14 year old boy who made a facebook group that celebrates "kick a ginger day" the boy is "sorry."

Dumbass Contest: What's The Charge?

#1. Stephan in SF - 0 for 2 No Win!

#2. Ivan in San Jose - 0 for 2 No Win!

#3. Abby in SF - 1 out of 3 No Win!

#4. Stewie in Oakland - 0 for 2 No Win!

#5. Carl in Castro Valley - 2 out of 3 Winner!

Pointless Listener Poll: Email from Kelly in Santa Rosa: Wants to know what is missed the most about being a child. Thanks Kelly! Suck it!

Ravey: Spending time and hanging out with the grandparents.

Menace: After school, being able to have a group of friends to go skate.

Greg: Being able to be interested in a 30 minute cartoon.

Tony: Nothing he still is a kid.

Woody: The schedule.

Katie: I miss the bonus after the doctor and dentist appts. Now the whole thing sucks, nothing like lollipops and toys to look forward to.

News Round 2 With Greg:

> Chicago police have formally arrested William Balfour, the estranged brother in law of Jennifer Hudson, in connection with the deaths of Hudson's mother, brother, and young nephew. Balfour was taken into custody by detectives yesterday from Stateville Correctional Center in Illinois, where he was being held on a suspected parole violation. He had previously only been considered a "person of interest" in the case. Last month, he refused to take a polygraph test and refused to cooperate with detectives on the case. Police confirmed that they have the weapon used in the murders.

> San Francisco's tenderloin has always been a rough neighborhood. Well it's getting quite a bit of attention due to a web cam that was set up by Adam Jackson. So far, the web cam has captured street fights, break ins, and a high speed chase. This camera has only been up for 5 and 1/2 weeks.

> In San Antonio, a man who rammed his truck into a woman's car on Friday morning at 100mph says that God told her to do it.

Athlete Dumbass Injuries:
> Bill Gramatica fell and tore his ACL while celebrating
> A soccer player hurt himself while doing a back flip
> Chris Hanson missed the wood and hit himself in the leg with an axe
> Glenn Alan Hill had a dream about spiders, started sleep walking, and fell down the stairs
> John Smalts ironed his shirt, while he was still wearing it.

Guess the State: Two men accused of outfitting a 1992 Lincoln with red and blue lights and performing fake traffic stops, video taped this and put it on youtube. They are being held on a $5000 bond.

#1. Stephen in SF - Florida

#2. Justin in SF - Ohio

#3. Dari in Daily City - Wisconsin! Winner!

What We Learned:

Ravey: If Plaxeco had worn something classier than sweats to the club he might not be in so much trouble

Menace: Getting shot at Applebees isn't as gangster as showing your nard to a doctor.

Greg: If you get a vasectomy you not only get your junk cut but you get to smell the burning

Tony: Ravey thinks its funny to put down fat chicks

Woody: Now knows what nursing home he wants his kids to put him in.

Katie: Woody took the show for a turn and took us all down pus lane.

Tony's Just a Headline: "County Officials Talking Trash"

And We're Backkkk!!!

2008-12-01T05:26:00.000-08:00

It was such a nice break, but I must admit, I am glad to be back at work. I start to run out of ideas on what to do with myself. How much turkey did you guys eat? Because I'm pretty sure that after I was done there was none left in the world. Yum Yum Yum in my Tum Tum Tum!

Today's Intern: Jessica

Blabber: Gooooooooooooooooooooood Mornun!! We're glad to be back. Ravey got to see some snow, it was the winter wonderland! Woody said that coming back to this weather is like pooping backwards. It is December 1st. This year flew! The worlds oldest person, who was some lady who was 115, died. Earlier this year Kat Von D set a world record of 400 tattoos in an 24 hours, this pissed off some tattoo artist named John Joe McAnus who then did 750 tattoos in 24 hours, and then some other guy did 802 tattoos in 24 hours. I would love to be the last person to get the tattoo this day. The fat guy Manuel from Monteray lost 550 lbs. He got married, but because he was so fat, the couple couldn't have sex. To solve his problem, he had his friends help build him a RAMP to move his gut so his wife could get to his man junk. That is the hottest thing I have ever heard. There is a blanket out there with sleeves?!? I need to get on that.

News with Greg:

> Obama is going to announce 6 appointments today including Clinton as Secretary of State. Bill Clinton had to agree to a bunch of conditions in order for Hillary to become Sec. of State.

> Newsom is going to give his City Address

(which is 7.5 hours long) on his Youtube channel. It will be spit into 10 channels which 45 minute clips. Check out this HELLA EXCITING VIDEO at www.youtube.com/mayorgavinnewsom

> This Chicago couple has taken the whole "don't have sex until your married" thing WAYY far. This past weekend they had their first kiss....at the altar. Their kiss lasted 2 minutes...how awkward would that be to be sitting it the pews for the wedding while these people kiss for 2 minutes.

Ravey has our Sports:

> Giants receiver Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the right thigh while at a Manhattan nightclub early Saturday. He claimed he was carrying a gun because he was wearing a lot of "bling" and carrying a huge wad of cash. The gun slipped down his leg and he accidentially pulled the trigger some how. (just fyi, Ravey read this story with the back ground music of In Da Club - 50 Cent.... haha)

> 49ers defense acutally showed up this weekend.

> Raiders kept sucking and lost to the Chiefs.

> Giants are still the best team in football.

> Chargers just suck and they lost to Atlanta

> Vikings crushed the Bears

Who Friggin Cares:

> Kelly Osbourne is engaged. How do we know?! Her 18 year old boyfriend changed his profile status to "Engaged to Kelly Osbourne"

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Twilight lost 62% of its business this weekend

> Bolt held strong this weekend

> Kristen Stewart was caught on camera smoking a bowl in front of her house.

> Dr. Pepper is causing huge problems and is facing law suits because of their promise of free soda. Guns N Roses is pissed because the whole let down tainted their Album relief

> Rosie O'Donnell's variety show was a crap shoot.

> November sweeps is over, so they will be serving us repeats tonight

Final Word: Reese Witherspoon, she limits her present giving on Christmas, "I'm a little strict about that stuff, and I think that kids do best when they only have a couple things that they really enjoy."

Greg has a Great Thanksgiving Story For Us: Greg went to a friends house for a post Thanksgiving Fiesta. He walks goes to the door, knocks, walks in the house, and the friends dog...LUNGES at him and bites him in the crotch. He first noticed that this dog bit through his jeans and his underwear is soaked in blood. He pulls his pants down and notices that there were 2 puncture wounds in his right testicle. He is going to let us know if he is going to lose a nut, maybe we'll auction it off.

Woody's Big Holiday News: Mr. Woody is going to be a Daddy!!! :-) The baby is due in June. Menace's only point....another California Native

Dumbass Contest: Tony-oke!!

#1. Joey in Hayward - The Theme to Bonanza No Win!

#2. Ryan in Fremont - Take me out - Franz Ferdinand Winner!

Ways to Go Green:

#1. Use cloth diapers, and re-use them over and over.

#2. Limit the size of your family...this one made no sense

#3. The more bike lanes, the more bike riders.

Some guy named Nick is spraypainting dead, brown grass...green. That's right. Is your grass dead? Call Nick, he'll coat your grass with paint for a reasonable price.

7 Most Retarded Things that Celebs are doing to "Go Green" (http://www.crap.com/)

#1. Al Gore - His concerts. He flew these famous people around the world in Jets

#2. Harrison Ford - Waxes his chest to save the rainforest.

#3. Cold Play - Planting trees that aren't helping or are dead.

#4. Woody Hearlson - Vegan Clothes flown over by Jet...idiot

#5. Sheryl Crowe - 1 sheet of TP per visit

#6. Jennifer Aniston - Brushes her teeth in the shower

#7. Paul McCartney- Got a Lexus hybrid, which was flown to him via private jet.

News Round 2 with Greg:

> Shoppers were out in full force on Friday. Police are investigating the trampled employee at Walmart. The employee was 32 years old and got trampled by 2000 people. Another person injured was a pregnant woman.

> Toy makers are getting flooded with letters from parents who are expressing concern about adds directed at children.

> The owners of a family Ball Berring company, just thanked their workers by giving out surprise bonuses. They gave out $6 million. The minimum was $10,000. They gave up to $35,000.

Guess the HOME state: A stand off at a bank is over after a person seen inside was actually a full sized cardboard figure. The police got a sounded alarm from the bank, when they showed up, they saw what they thought was a person through the blinds. They then sent for the SWAT team. When they went in they found that it was a cardboard cut out.

Justin in Union City said its New Jersey....he is....CORRECT!

What We Learned:

Ravey: The Australian Sheppard thinks that testicles are as tasty as snosages

Menace: Ravey and Menace's Mario Cart fun has come to an end due to Woody being a daddy.

Greg: Hella jobs will be opening up because Woody will do nothing as a parent. He will need a stroller pusher, tear wiper, diaper changer, etc.

Tony: Menace is the only fat Bullemic and Greg had one nutty adventure!

Woody: The chance of getting shot at a Toy's R Us and at a Night Club are equal

Katie: Nothing makes Ravey hotter than a Gut Ramp.

Tony's Just a Headline: "Holiday Fun can Mean Constipation for Kids."

Have a Happy Turkey Day!

2008-11-25T05:58:00.000-08:00

Today is the last day! I must admit I am rather excited!! Hella turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberries, pie, ohhhh myyy goddddd. Yum Yum Yum

Today's Intern: Mike

What Shall We Discuss?: Goooood Mornun!! Greg is super upset about the fact we don't have to be back until Monday. In a span of 10 days a guy found out that he won 2 cars in 2 different contests and a pair of tickets to see The Chiefs. Woody got in the grossest cab. The cab driver had patches of hair (which we all agreed if you have patches of hair, just shave it.) and he was dirty and had really bad B.O. I hate cabs, I don't think I have ever been in a not gross cab. Some people didn't even have to work this week. Why we even come in for 2 days...I don't know. Last Thursday a guy was waiting to be transfered to jail, he was being guarded by 3 guards when he took off. He ran quite a distance, hopped 2 garden fences, and got away. Thing is. The inmate had 1 leg. This guy kicks ass.

News with Greg:

> New Orleans has the highest crime rate in the US. Oakland is on there! BIG SHOCKER.

> There is a pole dancing studio in Salt Lake City that is moving to have pole dancing become an olympic sport. I guess it's gymnastic like.

> There is a doctor who is working on "queing psychology" which is a study to help you cut the issue with standing in line. You have to realize ocupied time seems shorter than unocupied time. Anxiety makes the wait seem longer. Unfair waits are longer than fair ones. The more valuable the service that you are waiting for the longer you'll wait.

Sports With Ravey:

> Packers got beat by the Saints

> A federal judge dismissed 5 of the charges against Barry Bonds

> Michael Vick is in Virginia today. He is expected to plea guilty to state charges.

> Future: NFL games in 3D. > Sharks play tomorrow against Chicago.

> Pirates have signed the first 2 players to ever be signed to baseball from India. They are from a reality TV show - The Million Dollar Arm.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> New Scott Weiland, Linkin Park, Paramore, and the White Zombie Box Set.

> Hancock is out on DVD today

> Meet Dave and Space Chimps were huge flops
> A ruling communist newspaper in China bashed the new Guns N' Roses CD

> Twilights success basically guarenteed a sequel

> Steven Segal will be featured in a Reality Show on A&E -"Law Man"

> The Shield will be finishing its 5 year series

Final Word: Comes from Prince, who claims he was misquoted: "So heres how it is, you have the Republicans and they want to live according to this (pointing to the Bible) but on the opposite end you have the Democrats who think you can do whatever you want."

Thanksgiving Fun Facts

> 82% of Americans say they will eat Turkey

> 30% of Americans will actually cook a Turkey

> Overall there will be 9 guests around the average Americans table.

Pointless Listener Poll: What is the worst part of Holiday family time?

Ravey: It makes her sad, the old age, the smallness of it, and the wondering if it is going to be the last time.

Menace: The constant complaining (this is from other families because Menace doesn't visit his family.)
Greg: The pressure to make it perfect.

Tony: His immediate family doesn't annoy him but the extended family competes and has separate dinners.

Woody: The 3000 mile trip to just get there.

Katie: My aunt is a slut and she hits on anyone whether it be a friend or a boyfriend at the time that I have there.

Dumbass Contest: Turkey Day True or False

#1. Johnathon in Tracy - 0 for 2 No win!!

#2. Eddie in SF - 0 for 2 No Win!!

#3. Joe in Livermore - 2 outta 3!! Winner!!!

News with Greg-ELS:

> Former employees of Mervyns are expected to be fired without back vacation pay but the executives will be payed for vacation WITH bonuses

> David Lista is a former teacher, he got arrested and has to register as a sex offender for putting a camera in the ceiling in the girls bathroom and a camera that points up by his desk so he could see up the girls skirts. When they went to his house they found traces of meth and child porn.

Guess The State: Police say they had no trouble tracking down a robbery suspect, because the victims had taken his picture while chatting with him at a bar a short time before the theft. The suspect, Andre Smith, struck up a conversation with a group of women at a bachelorette party at the Bensalem Township taproom early Sunday morning. The women were taking photos of each other when Smith jumped in front of the camera. Smith later was ejected from the bar for allegedly harassing customers. When two women in the group left the bar to go to a nearby convenience store, Smith robbed them of their purses

#1. Mike in San Lorenzo - Florida. No win.

#2. Chris in San Jose - Pennsylvania!! Winner!!

Highest Paying Dirty Jobs

8. Coroner $52,000

7. Oil Drill Worker $55,000

6. Garbage Man $67,000

5. Vet $73,000

4. Nurse $81,000

3. Pediatrist $118,000

2. Gastro Anterologist $239,000

1. Trauma Surgen $273,000

Porno Birthday: Brit Morgan has appeared in 185, "Flint Bones" and "Porn-o-chio" She is 45

What We Learned:

Ravey : Menace would rather sit and eat a bucket of Pop Eyes rather than travel 30 minutes to see his family.

Menace: Pat Ravey loves Metallica.

Greg: Passed. Free Food means Commercials

Tony: ... No comment

Woody: You're going to find the freshest milk and a long line of people waiting to drink it from the tap.

Katie: Prince gives an awesome show, which means he is the complete polar opposite of Tony.

Tony's Just A Headline: " woody didnt care"

Gobble Gobble Mother Effers.

Stool.

2008-11-24T05:26:00.000-08:00

I'm excited to be back. I'm wearing a Got Wood? t shirt. My jeans didn't dry all the way, and I'm kind of a mess, but who cares...you guys can't see me anyways! :-)

Today's Intern: Jessica

Humpty Dumpty: Goooooooood Morning! Greg is hella bumbed that it's Thursday...well kinda, it's Thursday for us!! Justin.tv is starting to rule! Woody tells everyone that the Jets game was on JTV this weekend. Ravey is pissed that he said anything. "Way to ruin a good thing you ass." Menace was pissed because 24 Redemption was on last night, and he missed all his cartoons....no comment on this part. Menace has more estrogen than Ravey. The Nebraska abandonment law finally got fixed, the loop-hole has been closed. There were teenagers up to age 18 getting dropped off, now the age limit is infants up to 30 days old. The last teen to be abandoned was a 14 year old boy from, that's right, California. Beth went on a lesbian party trip and left Tony with Dean. Tony was in the kitchen and Dean put his head in the dog's water bowl and Dean also figured out how to open the glass door, light a cigarette, and get a whore.

Stupid Human Story:
> Dublin, Georgia: Rico, shot some guy twice, and it felt so good that he wrote a rap song about it, calling the victim by name. Chad Blue (who got shot) had a friend who was listening to a CD and heard this Rico the rapper say "Chad Blue knows how I shoot." He recognized the voice and the name and called police.

News with Mr. Gory:
> The average price to a gallon of gas has fallen to under $2 for the first time since 2005. Barak must have snuck into the gas button room. In the past month gas has dropped 81 cents and $2 since June.
> Friday in Concord, a teenager was shot. He saw someone getting assulted and tried to help stop it and help the person out. The suspect was a 16 year old black boy wearing jeans, a t shirt, and earings.... wow. Great description.
> Not a good idea to have nudie pix on your cell phone. This guy accidentally left his phone in a McDonald's, thing is, he had naked pictures on his phone of his wife. Those pictures, that's right, ended up on the Internet. This family is now filing a lawsuit and is moving out of the state due to embarrassment. The deal with the phone is, the guy called McDonalds and an employee said that they would hold the phone until he returned.

Woody was pooping at the airport and lost his phone. Some guy returned it. Woody also had to go pee at Best Buy and there is some guy pooping in the bathroom with his 5 year old daughter in the bathroom. He had a huge buttsplosion and you hear the little girl go "ewww daddy..."

Sports with Ravels:
> The 49ers couldn't stop the Cowboys
> Raiders finally remembered how to play football. They beat the Broncos 31-10
> Titans got beat down by the Jets
> Sharks beat the crap out of the Capitals on Saturday 7-2
> Sharks play Wednesday

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Twilight is the biggest opening ever for a female director.

> The new 007 made $24.7 million

> Cold Play shut out last night at the Great American Music Awards

> Chris Brown won Artist of the Year

> Kanye didn't pitch a fit for the first time last night.

> Travis Barker has filed a lawsuit against the manufacturer of the jet that crashed killing 4 people and leaving Parker and DJ AM with severe burns

> Guns N Roses has broken the record for the most online downloads - 25 listens per second.

> The Dr. Pepper thing was shenanigans. The server apparently wasn't strong enough to hold all the chaos.

Final Word: Rosie O'Donnell is bringing back a live variety show back to TV, "Now is the right time for the genre to make a come back"

Parent of the Year 2008 Award:

Warning: Some of these are SUPER disturbing, we're not trying to be funny.

Nominee #1. A guy in Florida left his 2 kids home alone while he went to go do got knows what. He left his kid a hunting knife, a baseball bat, and an ax. The neighbors found out and called the cops and he is under arrest for child neglect.

Nominee #2. 43 year old Tammy Smith from W. Virginia, was arrested after she burned the word "wimp" into her 6 year old daughters neck with a cigarette. The cause, the kid fell and was crying. Tammy has been charged with 5 counts of child abuse.

Nominee #3. A lady was trying to kill her husband by setting their apartment on fire, she then didn't kill her husband but killed her 2 kids.

Nominee #4. A man hit 3 cars with his van and left his kids in the car and fled the scene.

Nominee #5. A woman lost custody of her 4 kids after leaving 2 home alone while she went to Kentucky and then told 1 of them to hide in the car while she worked her shift at a hospital.

Nominee #6. Vasquez had kept two of her adopted children locked up in cages, plastic buckets were placed in their rooms for urination and defecation, they were underfed, malnourished, and “underloved.” Vasquez had burned one of her adopted daughters with a match, inflicted bruises by pinching her, and made her sleep on the floor “with rats” where the girl sustained flea bites. Even the one adopted girl who was Vasquez’s favorite was abused, in this case, the girl was given injections of a drug designed to delay puberty and was the focus of 71 nude and semi-nude photographs that Dudley characterized as “child pornography.”

Nominee #7. This 5 year old was murdered. The parents who killed her then tried to pass off another girl to be the daughter so they could show that the child was still in the family. The brother of the little girl testified saying that the little girl was basically beaten, and beaten, and beaten, and shot with a air soft gun just for fun, they would stomp on her, and she basically stopped showing emotion and crying. This is the worst story and it made me sick.

Dumbass Contest: Impossible Trivia

The Average American eats 13.7 lbs of this a year.

#1. Mario - Potatoes No Win

#2. Mitch - Pizza No Win
#3. Meru - Turkey Winner

This started some huge turkey talk. I want turkey, and mashed taters, and stuffing, and cranberry sauce, and pie. Yummmmmmmmmmmmm.

We talked about the youtube event. Menace got to pee next to the chocolate rain guy. Katy Perry got jumped on and talked to Menace about it. Apparently they watched people use WiFi on a plane and this was exciting to Menace but Greg kinda lost it due to Menace's never ending talking.

News Round 2:

> Janet Jacksons boobie situation from like 100000 years ago still isn't over it. The world is over it but I guess the FCC isnt.

> In Pennsylvania, a school bus driver is being charged with endangerment. The driver was getting frustrated with a 10 year old because the kid wouldn't sit down. The driver warned him "if you don't sit down you'll get knocked down." To teach him a lesson the bus driver braked so hard that the kid went flying out of his seat.

> A security guard shot and killed an unidentified man who was swinging around a couple of samurai swords.

Douchebag of the Day:

From Kent, Washington: 40 year old Phillip Quinn was tinkering with a lava lamp at his house. His family and his parents became worried when they couldn't get a hold of him. They decided to go see him. They were shocked when they found his body slumped over with glass from the living room to the kitchen. Turns out the bubbles weren't bubbling fast enough for him so he decided to put the lava lamp on the stove. It then exploded and a piece of glass punctured his heart and he died.

Crap on Celebs:

>There was a cover of Hollywoods best off couples.

#1. Beyonce and Jay-Z

#2. Will Smith and Jadea

#3. David and Victoria Beckham

> Linda Hogan has been recieving $46,000 a month in alamony

> Toby McGuire is expecting another baby.

Crappy Birthday:

> Tom Hanks Son - 31

> Dwight Shultz - 61

Porno Birthday: Sally laid who has appeared in 166 films including; "Take this Wad and
Shove It" and "Heavenly Hooters" is 47.

Guess The State: A man who went to buy cigarettes in a gorilla suit was stopped. It turns out he had a warrant for receiving stolen property. So instead of laying low he decided to go out in a gorilla suit.

#1. Sarah the intern - Menace and I Duked it out over this

#2. Warren - Florida No Win!

#3. April in SF - For the Win!!! Pennsylvania.

What We Learned:

Ravey: Dr. Pepper are lying bastards who make a great soda.

Menace: Greg Gory f-f-f-f-finds w-w-wifi broadcasting on a plane, on a plane 35...350...35000 ft. in the air...flying......we stopped him here.

Greg: Linda Balea is the ultimate gold digging bitch

Tony: I'd give a whole months celery for a giant turkey.

Woody: Its a bad idea to call your next rap song "I killed this lady named Ravey and this is how I did it."

Katie: The definition of tough love is leaving your child with Tony.

Tony's Just a Headline: " Police Question Baguette in Child Abuse Case"

Holy Crap-ola

2008-11-21T05:23:00.000-08:00

It's Friday! I am actually excited about this one, I have no special plans this weekend, it just means I get to sleep in tomorrow. That excites me. Boring huh? Hm....No idea what to type here right now. Oh! Got it. Got a message yesterday from an old friend, AnD It WaZ tYpEd LyKe DiS.....Really???

Today's Intern: Andrea

Crap loads of talking: (Following the "Crap" trend? Good.) Goooooooood Mornun!!! Greg was really upset this morning about it being Friday. We can't believe that it's the Holidays already. Tony doesn't seem to care about the Holidays, even though it is Dean's first Christmas. Tony = Lame Daddy. Menace might actually decorate his house this year. The point of Thanksgiving is to eat like you're going to the chair. Tony's gross. He eats pie filling out of the can. A grandma put $16 into a wheel of fortune slot machine and came out with $2.4 million. Median house prices in the bay area are down 41%.

News With Greg:

> It was reported late last night that California law decided to TRIPLE auto registration costs. "We have the most highest registration" - Menace

> Derrick Mulsky is a man who is in a wheel chair due to a car accident. He was recently banned from filing lawsuits against anyone by the US Supreme Court. He has filed 400 lawsuits.

> In New Jersey a man filed a lawsuit against EHarmony.com because they didn't offer a service for homosexuals. That was 3 years ago but now EHarmony is making a separate site for people to find partners.

Sports with Ravey:

> Steelers beat the Bangles

> 49ers going to Dallas on Sunday

> Oakland takes on Denver Sunday

> Warriors play Chicago tonight

> Sharks return to action on Saturday at the Tank

> GM of the Browns got into some trouble for using words that hurt and harm. A fan emails Savage all the time to tell him how much he sucks and finally Savage snapped and emailed him back some "mean stuff"

Ravey's Music and Entertainment Report:

> Teen girls are going to be in line to see Twilight this weekend.

> Bolt comes out this weekend

> Sunday "Chinese Democracy" comes out

> Go to Drpepper.com for your free soda

> Coldplay is going to change their release date from Tuesday to Monday

> An EP with the collaboration of Chris Cornell with Linkin Park from Projekt Revolution will be released on Thanksgiving.

> Smashing Pumpkins are sucking it hard.

> Pushing Daisies got cancelled. Poor Ravey.

> There is a movie called 24 Redemption to make up the gap between seasons 6 and 7

Final Word: Barbra Walters who didn't take recent servings from Rosie O Donnel and Star Jones Lightly, " We're not perfect and we're not always happy, but we're good."

Crunkin and Drunkin Stories:

4 Reasons To Drink this Weekend:

4. Alcohol makes fruit better for you. Makes the antioxidants more potent

3. Lowers your cholesterol

2. Wine can protect your liver

1. Wine is good for your heart
> I wouldn't be crunkin and drunking in San Jose if I was you.

> In Berkeley a man was arrested for stabbing 2 people for trying to intervine while he was yelling at the clerk of the liquer store. The clerk wasn't going to sell him alcohol because he was visibly drunk

> A guy who had his licence suspended 15 times; got drunk, realized he had a flat tire, threw the car in reverse, backed it up through an intersection past a cop, got pulled over, and got out while having his pants completely down.

Sad/Effed up Story: 5 years ago Robin and his 8 year old daughter were killed when their car was hit by a crunk driver. Robin's baby mama suied for wrongful death and used the $$ to buy a Hummer. So a couple years later, she went to a club for her birthday. After having some drinks, she got into her car, and hit a car killing 2 people. A 22 year old and a 23 year old.

The Origin of Crunk: Dave doesn't understand so we will clarify. It is a combination of Crazy and Drunk. It means getting Crazy Party hard Drunk or getting High and Drunk at the same time. It was NOT invented by Lil John. It actually came from Dr. Suess back in 1971.

Dumbass Contest: Are they Older than Ravey?

#1. Jason in Richmond - 2 outta 3!! Winner!

#2. Mark in Mountain View - 2 for 2!! Winner!

Words that Gross Us Out:

Ravey: Snot and Schmegma

Menace: Leakage

Greg: Abortion and Testicle

Tony: Spore

Woody: Stool

Katie: Fester and Yeast

We found out that Greg has to....you know.....caca. We then had a crap (there it is again) load of fun with the Diarrhea song!! This almost made me pee my pants.

News Round 2:

> A woman is divorcing her husband because she found pictures of him pleasuring himself in his Iphone outbox.

> Fatties in Canada now get 2 seats on the plane for the price of 1.

> A college student in Minneapolis allegedly went on an obscenity-laced rampage at a local TV station after being fired as an intern. The 21 year old is accused of destroying company property, chasing after an executive producer at KSTP-TV. He made threats and shouted "You don't know where I'm from. I'll mess you up!"

> Last Saturday, a 68 year old man in Louisiana was moving his lawn when he felt something hit his chest. He didn't think much about it but when he took off his sweater, he noticed the cell phone that had been clipped to his shirt had been shattered. Then a 45 caliber bullet fell out of the cell phone case. The man lives near the woods and the theory is that he was hit with a stray bullet that was shot a few miles away. The cell phone saved his life.

Movies and Crap (again!) with Jan Wahl

> Milk is a must see on the big screen. She gave it 4 hats

> Australia is also a great movie of choice. I got busy and didn't hear the rest of this segment.

Crap on Celebrities:

> Madona is worth $350 Million

> 18 year old Cody Linely (Dancing with the Stars) is in trouble. He became a "heavy drinking, butt grabbing, Monster."

> Kevin Jonas from the Jonas brothers turned 21 last week and what did he get? a $221,000 lamborghini.

Porno Birthday:

Victoria Paris has been in 184 fine films "Who Reemed Rosie Rabbit" and "Miracle on 69th Street" She is 48.

Friday Song Challenge: Songs from the year you turned 21.

Ravey: 1990 Shock G - Humpty Dance 31.6%

Menace: 2000 Eminem and Dr. Dre - Forgot About Dre 29.3%

Greg: 1992 Genesis - I Can't Dance 9.7%

Tony: 1998 Marilyn Manson - Rock is Dead 9.4%

Woody: 1997 White Town - Your Woman 19.9%

And you're going to like it a lot.....

2008-11-20T06:01:00.000-08:00

Hey There Every Body!!!! I finally got organized in here, got some little drawers at Walmart last night. Hella organized.

Today's Intern: Mike from the Hood

Makin Friends Early: Gooooooood Morning! Ravey is already banning people in the chat. Woody is wearing a #39 jersey today. Not Willie Parker...it's his waist size (I didn't say it he did.) Which is still something I don't understand. We talked about how huge size 44 pants are. Dave might be on to something. He said don't let Tony tell stories. There we go. Problem Fixed. We talked about the economy crisis. Here is a story about a guy who went off the road into a river when he sneezed. The pick up truck was submerged but he got out and swam to the shore. Email from Ross - Some 19 year old guy posted on a body building site, he went and did his suicide recording on Justin.tv where he overdosed and died on his bed. The officials coming and taking care of him was on justin.tv. We had a huge suicide talk. Everyone except Greg and Ravey think there is some humor in this and that no one should feel sorry for him. I am sad by this video. Anyone who takes their life is always sad. People have a creepy want to see things like that. Great Bass Ale commercial. Bass ale makes your teeth whiter and your penis bigger.

Homeless Stories:

> A homeless man stole $1 and a bag of empty cans from a little girl, he got sentanced to 9 months in prison.

> In Florida the cops arrested a homless woman for hitting a homeless man over the head with a beer bottle over a Jesus argument.

> In New Zeland the mayor said that homeless people have about as much right to be there as stray cats. He said that all animals have the same right to be here like people do.

> A homeless man told the cops taht he killed a college student because he was bored. He stuck a plastic bag in his mouth, plugged his nose, and choked him with a wire.

News With Greg:

> Yesterday the Califonia said that they are going to continue to deal with the conflict with Gay Marriage. We're all sick of this story. We

talked about the movie Milk - everyone should check it out.

> A woman who goes by KH is dealing with a neurological problem where she doesn't recognize anyones voice except for Sean Connery

Ravey's Sportsy Sports:

> Rodger Cadell re-instated PacMan Jones...dammit

> Steelers beat the Chargers

> Ocho Cinco will not be playing tonight

> Warriors play at home on Friday against Chicago

> Sharks play on Saturday at home.

> Yankees are going to be losing a pitcher.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Sometimes it takes a plane crash to bring friends together. Mark Hoppus posted in his blog that Blink 182 was brought back together after the plane crash. They actually hung out.

> A supermarket in a small town had to apologize to hits shoppers after playing an unedited version of a Rise Against song. "F you I wont do what you tell me" said 16 times over and over

> Will Smith is working with Steven Spielburg on a great movie called Old Boy

> People Magazine has chosen Hugh Jackman as the sexiest man alive.

> SNBC's the Scoop caught a glipse of Tom Cruise's new movie and they say it is less than desirable.

> 30 Rock has Steve Martin on tonight

Final Word: James Hetfield, talking about his lack of excitement about the new Guns N' Roses "I'll certainly listen to it but I haven't lost sleep waiting for it."

Last month a 46 year old guy in Australia saw that the cops were trying to pull him over he didn't pull over and he led the cops on a low speed chase. When he finally stopped the cops told him to get out of his car he refused. When the cops actually got him out of his car they found out why he was being so difficult. He had porn in his car and he was pleasuring himself with a jar of pasta sauce. He then continued to pleasure himself while wrestling with the cops during the process of being arrested. Effing freak.

Dumbass Contest: Tony Danza Theature

#1. Joe in Livermore - Matrix Winner!

Sexy Time Fun Facts:

Email from MiMi: Thought we were having a fund raiser for prostitutes. She is one of those FCC callers. She said we were prostituting prostitution, which is illegal. This bitch was retarded.

> A pole whore is filing for discrimination against her age. She started stripping when she was 40. This is going to happen to Ravey.

> A guy was paying strippers in fake money.

> A study in Canada found that 140 prostitutes from Kenya are immune to HIV. They have proteins in their special areas that are protecting them from the disease. They are thinking that they can do tests on these girls and eventually come up with a vaccine or a cure! This Rules!

> Sex in London: Studies show that most hookers are 21 years old and they have about 77 varieties of ethnicities. The Sex cost about $110

> According to current estimates: Who spends the most $$ on prostitution. Spaniards...they spend about $26 billon a year.

Fabulous Hooker Stories:

> Stories of a dine and dash on a hooker.

Tony Story: Beth and Tony went to Vegas and he was walking at about 2 am. A girl comes up coughing and snotty telling him that she wants to come to his room. Basically a hooker with a cold.

Menace Story: A stripper sat on Menace's lap and said "I hear your a big radio star do you have a benjamin?" and she tried to hand him a condom. He said, "No, I'm just an intern"... She split outta there hella fast.

Katie's side note: Funny how the 2 people who really shouldn't be telling stories are the only 2 who shared hooker stories.

Some chicks were on the http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/ and they are suing for being called hot chicks? wtf?

News Round 2:

> An old lady in a wheel chair got escorted to the wrong flight. She was supposed to go to Florida and ended up in Puerto Rico...AHHHHH - OOOOOOO.

> Osama Bin Laden's top deputy ayman Al-Zawahri used the term "House Negro" to describe Barak Obama in a new audio message. It is Al Qaida's first response to Obama's Election.

> A flight attendant on an air Canada flight had to help fly the plane after the Co-Pilot was forcibly removed from his seat and restrained by other flight attendants and then was sedated due to a mental breakdown.

Crap on Celebrities:

> Kat Williams was taken to a mental hospital but was reported to be showing some bizarre behavior.

> Jessica Simpson said that Ashley, her sister, is beyond ready to have her baby. She will have to go into induced labor. Pete is hallucinating and Ashley keeps dying her hair, by all means, please reproduce.

> Paris Hilton and Benji Madden have broken up. This is the saddest news of the day.

> Wanda Sykes came out of the closet but here is the question. Is Will Smith Gay?! Rumor has it.

Crappy Birthdays

Meg Ryan - 47
Ted Turner - 70
Larry King- 75

Owen Wilson - 40

Mike Dee - 43

Richard Doson - 76

Kevin Neelin - 55

Porno Birthday: Mikalea she has been in 114 fine films including: "Spunk the Moving", "The Accidential Hooker", and "Getting it Up with the Kardassians." She is 28

What We Learned:

Ravey: Greg thinks a random stretch mark is a good cause for suicide

Menace: JTV got hella hits off of suicide

Greg: A conversation with Pete Winslets dog is better than talking to Tony.

Tony: Rage against the Machine is way tastier than squares but I still like the taste of blue.

Woody: Someone stole Ravey's purse in Vegas

Katie: Nothing is sexier than zipper like, ropey, leafy stretch marks.

Tony's Just a Headline: "Man Caught With Penis in Pasta Jar"

Hells Yes Bluhhhhd.

2008-11-19T06:00:00.000-08:00

I went to class yesterday, and my professor had the class playing guitar hero on the Wii. It was interesting. I'm thinking today should be a good day! I'm stoked that I got to bed at 9:00. It ruled.

Today's Intern: Jessica

What it Do?: Gooooooooood Mornin! No one understands what happened yesterday and we're all wondering how something didn't get broken. Ravey is such a sex fiend butt slut and she is interested in dating an inmate. check it out. http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/. This topic came up because of our story yesterday about the sex addict defendant who was actually really hot! There was some more chatter but all too random for me to follow. Amy Winehouse is so ugly that she makes us mad (except Ravey who is keeping the peace) and she makes us want to punch her in the face.

Would You Rather: Have sex with Amy Winehouse or Half Ton Mom? and no killing yourself isn't an option.

To vote check out http://www.davetheshowkiller.com/
Amy Winehouse: 60%
Half Ton Mom: 40%
Everyone in the room except Woody says Amy Winehouse.

What the Hell...America Has Gotten So Fat:

> I find it facinating that Greg and Woody think they are fat, I don't get it.

> TIVO announced Monday that they are partnering up with Dominos. Use your TV remote and click the Domino's button that says "I Want It." and you can order your pizza from your couch.

> A fat guy was so determined to join the Marines that he lost 140lbs in a year!

> A fast food fan Natalie Jackson was hit with a $264 fine at KFC for staying too long gorging on a monster sized family bucket. The lady and her pal ordered 14 chicken pieces, 6 bags of fries, and large cokes after driving to their local store. They spent an hour and a half eating the 5,456 calorie feast. A few days later she got the fine in the mail for breaking the restaurant parking lot's 75 minute limit. Natalie Jackson eats there 3 times a week and said she never noticed the limit. "It didnt feel like I was in there that long. We were hungry."

News With Greg:

> Authorities said that a group of college students made a bonfire which caused the spreading wild fires in Southern California.

> 21 year old guy named Chad Toy was serving a 4 year sentance in jail in Kentucky. He escaped on Monday while cleaning out the lobby. He left for a while then turned himself back in.

> 3 Men and 3 women got busted for breaking out of their cells to have sex with eachother. All they had to do was peel back the metal ceiling pieces.

> A 61 year old man developed a flesh eating virus while in jail. They didn't take him to the doctor and told him to suck it up. It eventually got so bad that they had to remove skin from his pelvis and man junk. He is now recieving $300,000 in settlement.

> A blind 74 year old woman was being threatened with losing her house because she was short on her bill. Which was for a penny, which if you think about it after she sends it in it will be 43 cents.

Sports With Miss Ravey:

> Warriors beat the Trailblazers

> Sharks are off until Saturday

> A's - Don Wakamatsu is now the manager of the Seattle Mariners

> Pacman Jones finished his alcohol treatment program

> Lance Armstrong gave an interview about his tour to France. He claimed he's "afraid of the French"

Ravey made Menace move because he smelled too strong, it's always somethin. Ravey is going to be a super sniffer. No one seemed to notice his smell except Ravey, but she probably has a really sensative sense of smell

Douche Bag of the Day:

Michigan police said that a robber tried to rob a 36 year old man of $30. The victim then tackled the robber and demanded his money back, the robber then added on $80 bucks on because he was so scared.

Music and Entertainment Report:

> Cold Play has released the "Lost" music video and "Lost Plus" with Jay Z will be released as well

> The Vines have cancelled all of their upcoming shows due to Craig Nichols deteriating mental condition.

> Seth Rogan loves porn as much as Tony.

> There is a new show being developed by NBC called "Making Friends with Black People"

> Obama's recent interview on 60 minutes scored the highest of the season. Highest rated 60 minutes in the past 10 years.

> Pushing Daisies is hanging by a thread. Everyone watch it tonight so it won't get cancelled. Do it for Queenie.

> 12 season finale of South Park

Final Words: Tim Robbins is still pissed about being turned away from the polls, "They sent a copy of his voter registration, licence number, and address to the media. Vindictive, corrupt scumbag."

Dumbass Contest: Press Your Luck

#1. Chris in Newark: Pressed his luck and lost it all.

#2. Josue in Livermore: No Win.

#3. Rachyl - Livermore: No Win.

#4. Kelly in Redwood City: No Win.

#5. Andy in San Jose: Won Survivor, Pressed his Luck and won Will and Grace, Pressed his luck and won MXC, and Pressed his Luck and won the ALL OR NOTHING! Winner of all our prizes!!

Pointless Poll: If Given the Opprotunity Would You Go Into Space?

Yes: 85%

No: 15%

Crazy Ass Ex's:

> Tracy got into an arguement with her boyfriend Alan. She douced her boyfriend and his dog in gasoline and lit them on fire. Alan was such a dog lover and put his dog out first then he was rushed to the hospital.

Ravey:

Menace: Had an ex who faked a pregnancy.

Greg: Girlfriend was the daughter of a rich family, at age 17 the parents wanted to talk to Greg about marriage.

Tony: The chick who bought Tony flowers and Tony talked to some girl in passing and the girl beat him with the flowers.

Woody: Pick an ex Woody has had, and pick a story.... for example: An ex faked Cervical Cancer

Katie: My ex followed me and my male co-worker to Quizno's on our lunch break and then followed me back to Trader Joe's so he could yell at me in the parking lot for going to lunch with someone else.

News Round 2:

> Survey of 12,000 doctors says that the primary care doctors are feeling overworked and are thinking about giving up medicine all together.

Got Game with the Most Mastery of Masters:

> The New Mortal Combat is apparently SICK. Masters isn't a big fan of the "3-2-1 FIGHT" games. Catwoman as massive chesticles in this game. This game is out this week. 3 Blow up girlfriends

> Gears of War 2 rules. This game is on a whole other level. Masters gave this game 4 and a half Blow up girlfriends.

> This kid and his friends were exploring the "Rath of the Litchking" when this kid went into an epileptic seizure due to lack of sleep and nutrition.

> Today is the day for the new XBOX dashboard.

What We Learned:

Ravey: Catwoman has an awesome Rack.

Tony: Woody would give a nut to go to space but greg would give 2 to stay.

Greg: The only thing cooler than a seeing eye dog is a smelling nose Ravey.

Menace: There is a KFC out there with a buffet and he needs to find it.

Woody: Raveys super nose can smell Menace's cologne but not his massive case of vaginosis.

Katie: Ravey needs tampoons, not for lady reasons, but for her nose.

Tony's Just a Headline: "Bus Accident Puts Chess Champ in Check"

It Is What It Is

2008-11-18T05:30:00.000-08:00

I stayed up WAYYYYYYYYYYYY late last night, I woke up an hour and a half ago and I already can't wait to go back to bed. Woot. I need some coffee and a tastey treat. Oh yeah, I brought 'Nanner Puddin.

Today's Intern: Sarah who is an "O.G."

What You Say?!: Gooooooooooooooood Morning. Andrew from the 408 got our NSSN passes yesterday for $600!!! Thanks Andrew! Eric Hahn from Nebraska broke the record for the tallest mohawk which is 27 inches tall. From the Netherlands - the record for most dominos to be knocked down at 1 time - 4,345,270 dominos! Greg knows someone who works with the advertising company who did Menace's Park Merced, and Greg got a "queen" size one for the office. Dave has totally killed Woody's passion and love and has turned him into a salty person at the moment. Dave thinks the sports is too sports-y and we don't play enough music and when we do play music it isn't the right music. This turned into a huge rant, people love the show and want it to stay the way it is. We got a bunch of calls from people who wan't the show to be left alone. We kick ass as of right now.....Why change it?

News With Greg:

> The fires in Southern California continue. It went from 35 square miles to 64 square miles. Christopher Lloyd lost his $11 million home.

> The automakers aren't doing so well. There is some huge talk about whether or not they will recieve help from the bail.

> Last August some woman from Milwaukee called 911 claiming that her boyfriend was attacking her and was hurting her. While on the phone with the 911 guy she was yelling at her boyfriend and crying and the 911 guy said "call me back when you are going to talk to me." and hung up on her.

Pointless Poll: When you think of Christopher Lloyd, What movie do you think of?

Taxi: 35.9%

Back to the Future: 64.1%

We Got Our Billboard!!!! Whoever spray painted over the "Freakin Try It" We don't encourage that type of stuff....but ohh hells yes!

Dumbass Contest: Who Said it?!

#1. Mitch in SF - 1 outta 3 No Win!

#2. Trevor in Redwood City - 0 for 2 No Win!

#3. Edgar in Union City - 0 for 2 No Win!

#4. Lance in Oakland - 0 for 2 No Win!

#5. Justin in San Jose - 0 for 2 No Win!

#6. Anthony in SF - 0 for 2 No Win!

#7. Adrian in Foster City - 0 for 2 No Win!

....There is no prize givin today......damn....

NEW SHOW WEBSITE: www.davetheshowkiller.com

Scott Weiland Calls in and he's a little bit "messy":

> oh wait nevermind, he was late, threw off the whole show. We're not going to talk to him now, because he sucks and can't be on time.

Ravey's Mucis and Entertainment Report:

> Wall-e is out today

> Hannah Montana is out today

> Lipstick Jungle has not been cancelled according to Brooke Shields - I was talking to Greg about the Scott Weiland thing, sorry about missing the rest. :-(

Woody Stopped The Show. It was a Train Wreck. See ya Tomorrow

oh wait....we're back.

News Round 2 With Greg:

> Tree Sitters are facing jail time. Good.

> Walter Andre Sharp Jr. his identity got switched with a guy who had to pay child support, was thrown in jail for not being able to make the payments, the wife thought that the 5th kid (which was his only child and it wasnt hers) and she cut off the visitation rights from his real kids, and gets no compensation.

Sports with Ravey:

> Sharks beat the Predators last night

> Warriors play Portland tonight

> Mark Cuban is in trouble for insider trading.

> 16 year old pitcher will be the first girl ever to play pro baseball.

Parents in the News:

> A mother turned in her teen daughter and her son for a gas station armed robbery.

> An 11 year old hit his mother in the head with a saw and then offered his mom $5 not to call the cops.

> Tony Duncon chained himself to his electric meter because he hadn't payed it. The electric company said that if he didn't pay it they would shut it off. His daughter relys on a feeding tube and machinery. An annonymus doner payed the bulk of his bill to save his kid and he got a bunch of job offers.

What We Learned:

Ravey: She was wrong when she said there were no songs worse than Danzig Mother

Menace: Nothing

Greg: Scott Weiland's staff is a bunch of drunk Carnies

Tony: Ravey hates ehh....nevermind.

Woody: Nothing....weird.

Katie: No $$ for billboards but we do have a bunch of crazies with spray paint.

Tony's Just a Headline: "ATM Victim has Withdrawl Symptoms"

Holy Ish.

2008-11-17T06:02:00.000-08:00

I woke up late, drove 1 million miles an hour. I'm here on time 5:59 AM. Phew

Today's Intern: Jessica

Talk Talk Talk: Goooood Mornnning!!! Welcome back Greg! Greg likes the show, we're funny. He listened in the 9'o clock hour and we're really good. He was all drugged up, but oh well. Greg thinks his habbit might be his OCD and he hates missing work, not because he won't be there, but because he knows someone will use his desk and stuff will be messed up. Menace came clean, if Greg lost a finger, Menace would have to stare at it. There is a show called "Half Ton Mum" This woman is 900lbs, and she has kids, which means someone would have to F her. Gross. To get this lady out of the house, they had to build a ramp to get her into the ambulance and it took 7 people on each side to carry her. She died of a heartattack 12 days after her surgery. Here is her myspace - http://profile.myspace.com/ladyrenee6 Story for Ravey: After 9-11 the govt. hired secret "agents" to fly on planes called "air marshals" that keep watch over the flight. According to a study, 3 dozen air marshals have been charged with crimes since 9-11. Charge Examples: Dui, Domestic Violence, Bank Fraud and Accepting Bribes, Solicitation of Prostitution, Drug and Weapon Smuggling (including explosives from Afghanistan), Attempted Murder, and Sexual Abuse of a Child. One air marshal accidentially left his gun in the airplane bathroom and a child found it. Last week a travel website posted a survey where they asked passangers if they would $10 for a service. For example would you pay $10 to: get through security in 10 minutes, guarenteed space in overhead compartment, priority unloading "exit the plane first", priority re-booking in case your flight was cancelled, in flight internet access, and to be seated away from parents with children. Would you pay $10 less if you: couldn't check bags, middle seat, no recliner, last to get on the plane, or had to be seated next to parents with young kids and babies.

Woody loves the new SNL bit: "Really...?" A couple questions: would you want to smoke a battery powered cigarrette? Really...? and should Sam Robberts from the Opi and Anthony show get kudos for the fact that Tina Fey said his "catch phrase" (Which belongs to him) which is "What's the Happs?" ....Really....?

Email From the People:

> Email from George: Had the same situation as Greg, except had it twice. Feels for Greg.

News With Greg, Who has become really good at flipping people off all of a sudden:

> Residents of SC were urged to leave their homes because of the fires. 35 square miles have been scortched so far. More than 8,400 people have been evacuated.

> Barak Obama is pretty much addicted to his Blackberry but they are claiming that he will have to give it up when he becomes President because emails and messages may be hacked.

> A 35 year old woman from SF was in a car accident and she lost her eye so the doctors are going to try to put a webcam in her fake eye.

> PETA was petitioning that people raise the insurance premium on meat eaters and decrease the premium on vegetarians.

> We talked about how Woody wants to starve a puppy just to get hits on our webcam, then we talked about starving Menace.

Sports with Ravey who loves flying:

> Raiders lost to the Dolphins 17 - 15

> Jim Fossel is pitching Al Davis for the next Raiders Coach

> 49ers won

> 12,837 games in NFL but for the first time ever a game was won 11-10

> For the first time since 2002 a game has ended in a tie Eagles and Bengals tied at 13.

> Titans beat the Jaguires

> Packers crushed the Bears

> Sharks beat the Blackhawks 6-5

> Warriors beat the Clippers on Saturday

> This day in History - Jets and Raiders game got cut 1 minute short in 1968 when it was a really close game so that the movie Heidi and there were 2 touchdowns scored in that minute.

Music and Entertainment Report with Ravels:

> The James Bond movie took in $74 million.

> Madagascar 2 and Role Models did great this weekend

> Ben Stiller is officially a sequel guy.

> Scott Wylan wants to be dropped from his label but they won't let him.

> November sweeps continue on TV

Final Word: Wanda Sykes who came out of the closet this weekend "I don't talk about my sexual orientation, I don't feel like I have to, I wasn't living in the closet I was just living my life."

Sexy Stories with The Woody Show:

> A 26 year old guy went to his mom and asked her why women don't like him. She gave him the advice that he just hadn't found the right woman. So instead of taking her advice and waiting to find a woman, he forced himself on her mother twice.

> Authorities in Sweden uncovered over 30 zoo files, which is a group that has sex with animals. You would think that they would just lock all these perverts up, they can't because, its NOT illegal to have sex with animals in Sweden.

> Guys need to stop putting their junk where it doesn't belong. Last Friday a 73 year old guy from New York was using a steal pipe as an errotic aid. He got his junk stuck in the pipe and he called for help. It took a firefighter 90 minutes to slowly chip away at the pipe.

> In Canada"Sex Toy Shop Luded" These two guys stole $2,000 dollars in kinky junk. "They took all the Rabbits but they left the Seahorse, probably because they had enough butt plugs. The Seahorse comes with a butt plug," she explained. "They didn't even touch the German stuff. I don't get it."

> Old Virgin in the News!! There is an 105 year old woman in England named Clara Meadmore who has never had sex. That is more than 38,000 sex free days.

> There is a company that employed 6 women. A group of patients "told on" these women for apparently making them masturbate.

Dumbass Contest: Make a Wish, Fake a Wish

#1. Doug in Palo Alto - 2 for 2 Winner!!

Let's do Another Round of News!!:

> The fire in Southern California is spreading quickly

> An interview with Barak Obama got pretty personal last night. He is worried about his kids living normal lives.

> Since Obama's election, there has been a huge spike in racial hate crimes. There is a pool where you can bid a dollar and bet on the day that Obama will be killed, there was a school bus with a bunch of kids chanting "Assasinate Obama", and a black man was killed on election night.

> Prisoners who go through with public sex acts are dressed in Pink in prison.

School Stories:

> A man was assigned to read the crucible douced his teacher in a non-flammable fluid and tried to light her on fire for being a Witch.
> In Chicago they are working on a "gay friendly" highschool. They are having massive problems and drop out rates of gay students. This way they would have a harrassment free environment for learning.

> In Georgia a girl is filing for sexual harrassment. 5 middle school kids dropped their pants and put their privates in a girls face and sexually taunted her when the teacher left the room. When the teacher returned the girl was on the floor but the teacher didn't think much of it but when the girl didn't return the next day and then returned in tears the following day they looked more into it.

> Jacksonville - police have charged a 14 year old assult for stabbing another child with a steak knife over $4.

But Is She Hot?

<---28 year old math teacher Anna Thompson has been charged for having a 3 year lesbian relationship with a 14 year old student.

New York, Jenmattie Sing a teacher had sex with a 15 year old student and 2 of his family members. --------->

<------Melissa Snow had sex with a male student and is out on a $50,000 bond.

Good News!: A man who got hit by a train last Thursday is OK! He got out with MINOR injuries. He was hit by a train which means his body was run over by 8 train cars and he was released from his hospital.

What We Learned:

Ravey: Last thing in the world she wants is a touch of the tony's

Menace: 105 year old lady will be super lucky tonight

Greg: If you wanna score with a lama you should move to Sweden

Tony: What the true definition of a Mother Effer is and all we need to attract people to our webcam is a puppy.

Woody: 2 People got added to the spank bank - the 900lb lady and the 105 year old virgin.

Katie: It's ok to have sex with animals as long as they are askin for it.

Tony's Just a Headline: " Secretary of Defense Raises Focus on Danzig"